By i fuckin love habaneros - United States - Charlottesville Today, I'm so deprived of female attention that I got a hard-on when a nurse told me I have beautiful veins. FML I agree, your life sucks 17691 You deserved it 2353 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I spent the first day of the new year helping out at an old folks home. I was assigned to watch over a group which includes the delightful Earnie; an 83 year old delusional man who sees absolutely no problem with showing off "what the good lord gave him" every chance he gets. FML I agree, your life sucks 30594 You deserved it 3959 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Thetford Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 37404 You deserved it 2532 188 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By screwyouchris - United Kingdom - Brighton Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML I agree, your life sucks 26588 You deserved it 2045 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hihipanda - Singapore Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML I agree, your life sucks 41419 You deserved it 3307 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 17:00 Nutters Inc. Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML I agree, your life sucks 1912 You deserved it 131 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sleepy - United Kingdom - Hayes Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML I agree, your life sucks 31954 You deserved it 15593 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By brokeandsad - United States Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight about a clogged toilet. He was yelling about not having enough money to buy a better plunger and so I stormed out to buy one myself. While pulling his truck into traffic, a car hit me causing $1000 in damage. FML I agree, your life sucks 26499 You deserved it 9564 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KelseNM Scary story time! Today, I had eye surgery to try and stop the progression of my eye disease. Being conscious for the surgery, I was given numbing drops before we began. My doctor started cutting my cornea before the drops took effect. FML I agree, your life sucks 2257 You deserved it 103 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML I agree, your life sucks 33128 You deserved it 3448 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML I agree, your life sucks 17655 You deserved it 29866 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I received a surprise "absolute final notice" email for payment of an overdue fee from the university I withdrew from 6 months ago. Turns out, my old landlord has been hoarding their letters to me. As a result, my credit is now in the shitter and I had to pay an extra $120 in interest. FML I agree, your life sucks 34126 You deserved it 2878 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dehydrated - United States - Charlotte Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML I agree, your life sucks 30367 You deserved it 2735 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pussyface96 - Canada - Toronto Today, I asked a girl I like to the movies. Wanting her to lean on me and stay in my arms during the movie, I chose a horror film. I screamed like a pussy the whole time. FML I agree, your life sucks 9576 You deserved it 44385 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iluvcoconutrough - New Zealand Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML I agree, your life sucks 38893 You deserved it 22338 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ames - United States Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML I agree, your life sucks 56380 You deserved it 8918 217 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Super Confused - United States - Fremont Today, I got my graded essay from my teacher. Earlier, he'd said that it was "too specific", and that I should change it to be "more general and debatable". Now that I've got it back, the first comments on the paper are, "Your thesis is too general, be more specific." FML I agree, your life sucks 14652 You deserved it 1357 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chicago Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML I agree, your life sucks 41768 You deserved it 2931 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Love is… Today, I went to a job interview. At the end of it, after I had got the job, my new manager said, “See you soon.” I then accidentally replied, “You too, love you.” FML I agree, your life sucks 1350 You deserved it 355 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Invisible Today, I realized how little my husband, son and I mean to my in-laws. We were somehow left off the distribution list for my sister-in-law's birthday party. I even texted her to wish her well. It wouldn't be so bad if this wasn't the fifth consecutive family event we were left out of. FML I agree, your life sucks 3727 You deserved it 309 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Girl123999 - United States Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML I agree, your life sucks 264914 You deserved it 35337 321 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loser Today, at school, I offered my friend $5 to climb up a tree and jumped off. I was already having a hard day and just wanted a bit of a laugh. What I didn't expect was to end up in the hospital with a broken arm because my friend jumped on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1559 You deserved it 4242 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Grrr - United States - Salem Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML I agree, your life sucks 26237 You deserved it 2062 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Pasadena In a zoo Today, I learned that I am referred to as the girl who has "the ass like Beyoncé, but a face like a gorilla". FML I agree, your life sucks 2191 You deserved it 180 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Italy - Padova Today, as I tried to get off the bus, my bag and the hand holding it got stuck between the exit doors. I dropped the bag in panic, but the driver wouldn't let me off until we got to the next stop. I had to walk all the way back to get my bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 32474 You deserved it 3111 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KN - United States Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML I agree, your life sucks 38800 You deserved it 12497 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML I agree, your life sucks 29900 You deserved it 3701 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zodiacfall Precision strike Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML I agree, your life sucks 1504 You deserved it 220 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Shelly - United States Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML I agree, your life sucks 25031 You deserved it 12546 117 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By choker - United States Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML I agree, your life sucks 94660 You deserved it 8250 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ac13 - United States Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how excited I was to drive 12 hours to see him and his new house. His girlfriend answered. FML I agree, your life sucks 43927 You deserved it 3774 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - Avon Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML I agree, your life sucks 7353 You deserved it 12151 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By king400 - United States - Lancaster Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 31937 You deserved it 2946 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shadybarbie My Love Life in a Nutshell Today, I was at a concert and I thought the cute drummer was winking at me, so I winked back. Then I realized he was blinking sweat out his eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 3437 You deserved it 842 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By aldfgadfklbg - United States Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML I agree, your life sucks 49047 You deserved it 3111 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML I agree, your life sucks 30527 You deserved it 3076 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Vandrefalk - Norway Today, I got myself an organ donor card, just to feel wanted. FML I agree, your life sucks 23874 You deserved it 5349 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WorryNot - United States - Prescott Today, I accidentally left a small but very important piece of my breast pump at home. Only ten more hours until the end of my shift. FML I agree, your life sucks 5721 You deserved it 577 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymiss - Canada Today, half asleep, I dropped my pill before I could take it. I quickly picked it up and washed it down. Five hours later, I just found my pill on the ground. What did I swallow? FML I agree, your life sucks 108652 You deserved it 25421 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Amersham Today, my boyfriend of 3 months moved in to my apartment. I had never been to his place because his roommate was a drug addict, so it came as quite a surprise when he brought three taxidermied cats with him, insisting that I let him mount them in the living room. FML I agree, your life sucks 40795 You deserved it 12235 69 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imanidiot - United States Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML I agree, your life sucks 13642 You deserved it 75061 220 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alphafish17 | 16 #6655849 - Saturday 23 July 2016 8:35 Were the veins in your penis? Send a private message 282 5 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6655873 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:02 Be honest, OP, you planned that username out knowing it would appear next to the NSFW pepper, right? Send a private message 184 10 Reply
By zipJohn | 16 #6655845 - Saturday 23 July 2016 8:32 Careful, she might be a vampire. Don't get involved... You've seen twilight right? Send a private message 42 7 Reply
Reply ham_spam | 17 #6656000 - Saturday 23 July 2016 15:27 Twilight really dont remind me of that horrible movie Send a private message 9 0 Reply
Reply Lalala579121 | 27 #6656044 - Saturday 23 July 2016 16:16 Still a better love story than Twilight. Send a private message 21 1 Reply
Reply Jay18 | 22 #6656803 - Sunday 24 July 2016 19:20 the shit I took combined with my piss is still a better love story than twilight Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By alphafish17 | 16 #6655849 - Saturday 23 July 2016 8:35 Were the veins in your penis? Send a private message 282 5 Reply
By Xobubblyxo | 23 #6655859 - Saturday 23 July 2016 8:47 Hey, a compliment's a compliment. Send a private message 24 3 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6655873 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:02 Be honest, OP, you planned that username out knowing it would appear next to the NSFW pepper, right? Send a private message 184 10 Reply
Reply ballinball | 14 #6655890 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:30 I don't think you get to choose the user name Send a private message 0 40 Reply
Reply HylianBadger | 21 #6655897 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:32 Actually, for those who don't have accounts on here, you can pick out your name. Most people try to make it punny and based on their FML. Send a private message 31 1 Reply
Reply arano | 29 #6655911 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:55 Even if you do have an account, you can still edit the name before you submit it. Send a private message 24 0 Reply
Reply ThrottleJockey | 34 #6656074 - Saturday 23 July 2016 17:25 Things are getting too spicy for the pepper! Send a private message 2 2 Reply
Reply Bunnyluver | 20 #6656253 - Saturday 23 July 2016 22:18 So what does that pepper mean and how do you get it? I tried Google, but I no luck. Send a private message 2 2 Reply
Reply drayloon | 50 #6656311 - Sunday 24 July 2016 0:20 it's tacked onto any post listed in the NSFW category Send a private message 4 1 Reply
Reply Bunnyluver | 20 #6656936 - Sunday 24 July 2016 23:32 Ok thank you #24! Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Qandol | 26 #6655887 - Saturday 23 July 2016 9:26 It's okay OP we are after all human and sometimes we can't control as to what happens in our daily life. Send a private message 9 8 Reply
By Draveren | 11 #6655938 - Saturday 23 July 2016 11:31 Did she compliment the hard-on too? :P Send a private message 12 3 Reply
By Moskaaa7 | 26 #6655948 - Saturday 23 July 2016 12:34 That's a weird compliment to give. Send a private message 4 17 Reply
Reply ragnarok1540 | 39 #6655952 - Saturday 23 July 2016 12:48 As a physician, I would say it is a pretty standard compliment from a phlebotomist or nurse towards people who have easily accessible veins ... Send a private message 28 2 Reply
Reply theblondeone | 16 #6656182 - Saturday 23 July 2016 20:39 It's actually an extremely common thing to say in healthcare. Send a private message 9 1 Reply
By ragnarok1540 | 39 #6655953 - Saturday 23 July 2016 12:50 Hopefully she didn't notice the veins in your hard-on, or you might get a prick in your prick ... Send a private message 15 1 Reply
By SomeRandomUser | 19 #6656015 - Saturday 23 July 2016 15:45 It's not just you, I'd be very happy too if someone complimented my veins. Send a private message 2 1 Reply
By egnur_mas | 19 #6656016 - Saturday 23 July 2016 15:46 Ugh I wish the nurses said that about my veins during treatment. I remember one who attempted three misses in one arm. Send a private message 6 1 Reply
Reply BLDYRBBT | 16 #6656150 - Saturday 23 July 2016 20:06 Happens to me almost every time Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Reply Core5555 | 9 #6656435 - Sunday 24 July 2016 4:58 I've had 12 attempts in one sitting without success. No one ever compliments my veins. Usually a lot of muttered curse words. Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 744 You deserved it 250 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 566 You deserved it 229 4 Comments