Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML
Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML
Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says, "We know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.
ICATiger 13
Tell her carrots make you horny.
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Comments (265)
ashleykay94 7
Haha hope your hungry :)
MagicallyFat 12
Well if you're trying to lose weight, your basically set. You have your excersice and your healthy food.
EllyMo 15
Sexercise?
majorasshole 4
What about his hungry? *You're
GoodLookingGeese 10
The OP's mother is just jealous 4 not getting laid as well as her son - crazy woman should be happy for him. Obviously she already had her time.. ;)
brndnzchry 1
Your mom has to be pretty strong to haul around 20kg of carrots
lucyinthesky420 10
That's disgusting. Maybe she doesn't want to hear her son have sex.
Horcruxer 0
Why are you posting comments when they're not replies to the first comment? Attention seeking??
lucyinthesky420 10
More like disagreeing with nasty opinions. And look what you did there... Posted a comment not referring to the first... Attention seeking? ;)
faithxoxox 1
75- Thread jacking.
DocBastard 40
Horcruxer, you've been around here long enough to know that attention whoring is rampant under the first comment. There are a few frequent offenders, and it drives me bonkers. Trying to call them out just worsens the problem. I prefer to stick needles into their voodoo dolls' eyes and/or genitals repeatedly.
EmilyShmemily496 0
OP, if you're old enough to 'go at it like rabbits', you can buy your own damn food!
OnlyAvailableID 28
So that explains the stabbing feeling, Doc.
Horcruxer 0
You must be right Doc. Smh. And look at what LUCY just did, not referring to the first comment are you? Smh.
lucyinthesky420 10
Nope, because I don't feel that way about first post comments, sorry.
Horcruxer 0
Which is why you just thumbed me down, and why Doc made you a fat voodoo doll.
lucyinthesky420 10
I didn't thumb you down & unfortunately I'm not fat, so please stop replying before everyone thumbs you down. Thanks
Horcruxer 0
I didn't say you were, but you said unfortunately so you wish you were fat? You used to be? Yea if everyone thumbs me down I'll take it as the end of times.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
And if he's not, then at least he'll have perfect vision.
GovernorGeneral 8
But carrots taste delicious. Especially with the right dipping sauce :D I wouldnt mind the 20kg of carrots x)
simgar98 0
131 rabbits dont get sauce... only the carrot...
Jakesterk96 8
She probably won all of those carrots that that person who won a lifetime supply of pineapples.
tjv3 10
WIN I love your mom
eurostar710 11
You can't just feed rabbits carrots, they'll die. Tell that bitch to get you some pellets lol (And because I couldn't decide which would be funnier, here's the other thing I wanted to say) Tell that bitch to get you a salad.
alliewillie 22
So... You have lots of sex apparently to other people's knowledge in your mothers house? YDI.
wierdos_rule 0
Wow, sorry but I love your mom!
bruinboy44 0
I heard rabbits go hard.
CamiJohnson 0
This is my most favorite FML ever
alexaaat 0
she must have money to blow to prove that point..
AlaskanEskimo34 0
Smart mom. I hope my mom doesn't start feeding me dog food for doing it doggy style.
crymore_fml 2
I get to eat beef all day for doing it cowgirl
shovels 0
88- Indians aren't allowed to eat beef...
Raori 25
Hope I don't get cat food....
ShroomsOnAcid 17
What's her problem with it? Sounds like normal teenage behavior to me. Why don't you ask her how much sex she had when she was your age, OP? That'll shut her up.
kofeinisti 6
99, what the fork are you talking about? why did you drag indians into this discussion?
marmlr339 14
A 20kg bag of carrots would be under $10
Teehee2 0
some one works in a grocery store.
greatness101 0
Or shops at one?
insanelyXnikki 18
Lol. ^ this.
writergirl23 19
Wow. Where I live it would be $20NZ.
The_Hitdude 12
Did you eat them?
crymore_fml 2
Ask her how u would have to go at it to get 20kg of bacon
Zeppelin1969 5
I don't know of any animal whose stereotypical diet is bacon, unless they had to go at it like humans.
jemnerz 2
A pig...
sinking_fish 12
159- PLEASE, Please be joking.
crisspz 4
do it epicmealtime style.... covered in that jack dagnils sauce!!!
dragonstrike94 8
It's Daniels
Awahso 25
Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.
ArielTheMermaid 17
LOL that is hilarious! Your mom is awesome!
mike3775 39
If the OP is old enough for sex, he is also old enough to buy his own food if she is only going to be buying him carrots. I find it hilarious myself, its something I would do to my kids as a joke
AlaskanEskimo34 0
My mom caught me having sex once, but I hope she doesn't start feeding me dog food.
AlaskanEskimo34 0
My bad, didn't know I hit send on this one too
evilteddybear 0
I love carrots but im not vegan either
ashleykay94 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Come on. If she's your girlfriend, that's kind of dumb. She should probably just get over it and spend some money on some ear plugs.
chili10 18
So you're saying that op's MOTHER should buy ear plugs and just not say anything about him and his girlfriend having continuous sex in her house. And I'm assuming it's her house since she feeds op which probably means he's young....
ohmandapants 17
no? He stills lives at home. If he wants to have sex in his house while his mother is HOME, maybe he should be more discreet. Or maybe he just shouldn't have sex with his parents in the house! His mom doesn't have to "get over" any thing. She doesn't need to get ear plugs for him. He needs to stop. At least his mom didn't yell. What she did was pretty amusing.
sirencouture 3
You read the fml post wrong. Lol.
ohmandapants 17
^ I'm pretty sure we all read it right.
CamWattsTheProbl 0
it never says anywhere they have sex In the mothers house. don't assume things. for all we know the mum could be a creepy stalker who stalks her son and that's how she knows they have sex like rabbits. we don't know
ohmandapants 17
^ so she stalks her son and finds him wherever he is, and sees him having sex with his girlfriend constantly? Right. I think it's safe to assume he's having sex in her house.
skoob 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Quite frankly it's a little disgraceful to have sex in your parents house... If your screwing, then your an adult. If your an adult, move out or get a room (literally).
Horcruxer 0
He did say she came home. Should we assume sex in the garage? In the car? Or maybe he just tells his mom how much he has been having sex lately? You always say, "Don't assume things," but can we assume logically and with context clues?
puppypuncher 5
50- Don't assume things? You HAVE TO assume things when reading FML. Just make sure they're logical assumptions that you come to after taking in clues. A logical assumption would be that he lives in his mother's house. Also, YOU just assumed that his mother could stalk them. *rage*
rubyliu8420 7
Seriously? It's the mom's house, they should find somewhere else to ****.
theDOGgoesIDGAF 0
43 I think 40 was telling 5 that she read it wrong, because 5's comment was extremely retarded. It weird to kiss in front of your parents let alone have them hear your loud ass sex.
ohmandapants 17
^ how does that make sense? What you just said doesn't have anything to do with reading the FML wrong
chili10 18
50- It doesn't say anywhere that op is a guy. Sure we have clues like "girlfriend" and the name is Danny, but we can't assume anything according to you. Op might be a lesbian!
ladyLALAA 29
Hehe, so funny reading fml users silly debates!
kaylarosevear_ 2
These comments made me laugh hard.
ohmandapants 17
But she didn't read it wrong anyway so I don't understand what you people are trying to clarify. That was directed to 166 before you edited your comment completely.
ladyLALAA 29
The only thing assume does is make an ass out of U and ME! Bahaha
NuclearWinterxD 0
If the dude doesn't like it he can move out. Otherwise get the **** over it. Not his house he can deal.
mnmolino 14
Come on. If she's your mother, you're kind of dumb. She (the gf) should probably have the self control to not have sex around your madre and spend some money on a male hooker.
Alihb 16
Doesn't mean they need to have sex.
yayayaa 0
Carrots are good for your skin. So win win I guess ?! =|
chili10 18
Aren't they good for your eyes too?
kjcookie10 9
Yes they are! 8o
ThatOneCanadian 0
carrots are actually bad for rabbit's teeth, theyusually eat lettuce or other greens
ferrettamer 6
They eat the tops of carrots. And other greens. But ferrets eat rabbits so...
ICATiger 13
Tell her carrots make you horny.
nephilim241 19
Motherhood.. Like a boss
thegreat8 1
Nice mom you have there
deathpotato 11
Doesn't matter, had sex.