Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML
Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML
Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says, "We know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.
ICATiger 13
Tell her carrots make you horny.
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Comments (265)
buddyguyfriend 1
Awwww what's up doc?
sgenfkshe 5
Pics or it didn't happen. Lmao, JK. But your mom is hysterical.
ImmenseCabbage 0
Your mom is awesome. That's hilarious, I would be happy to oblige if I were you.
WhiteRangerKid 5
youre mom is awesome
japtch 15
Your*
MrSchneebly 5
I never thought id see this correction on here
Livelaughlove_12 0
carrots are good for you xD
bulbousbeak1995 0
Yummy carrots :)
borkchop1992 15
get a motel?
desireev 18
I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only human with a mother who would do something like that! Haha
Troll_spray 6
Considering that theres billions of humans i wouldnt even take that into thought.
desireev 18
Yeah.. It was just a comment stating that I'm glad I'm not the only person who has to deal with a parent like that. (Not that parents like that are bad) No need to be an ass about it. Now use some of that spray on yourself, Troll..
Troll_spray 6
I actually ran out of troll spray trying to remove ur post.....
desireev 18
Aww this is too cute.. You made a little comment into a spat.. Have fun with this one. :)
ladyLALAA 29
Troll burn ftw
desireev 18
What does ftw even mean???
AmbrosiaWriter 17
F.T.W = For the win
dasteve 0
At least you aren't forced into a cage with the little water bottle.
ALLDAY88 8
Officially my first favorite FML. Too funny.