Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML
Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML
Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says, "We know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML
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Top comments
Awahso 25
Okay, come on now. That's hilarious.
ICATiger 13
Tell her carrots make you horny.
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Comments (265)
OfficeNinja 5
So, and I know this is a crazy idea but I'll throw it out there anyway, either move out onto your own place then do as you please - or respect your mothers wishes and "go at it like rabbits" elsewhere.
Jibblets2367 7
Well look on the brightside, if you're looking to lose weight, this is a perfect way to start! One, you'll be having sex which is a great way to burn carbs and two, you'll be eating healthier! It's perfect :D
pickles2b2 4
Louis Tomlinson loves carrots...
jenilice 0
Omg!!!!! This is too funny!!!!!!!! I must say you have an awesome mother!!! Haha!!!! This is definitely my favorite FML!!!!!!
juturnaamo 29
If you aren't old enough to get your own food, you shouldn't be *******.
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
Get Some!
bubo_fml 11
Wow, many things come to mind...1) The healthy diet will add stamina to hour bone-a-ramas, 2) Your Mom's just pissed off 'cause she's not getting any, 3) why not incorporate the fresh produce into your sex play? 4) Tell your Mom to do the same...Enjoy!
SaMmIMonster96 6
Haha nice!
johncrb 6
LMAO
Mkbitch 2
Lol I think she wants you to keep it up. Grandchildren!
ZKtheDuck 7
At least you have some snacks for the between times