health

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By What an ass - 23/02/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 1 281

Between a rock and a not-so-hard place

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 23:01

Today, I found out that the pills my doctor prescribed for my ED cause severe side effects and I have to stop taking them. So much for my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 126

Bathtime

By Kerry - 22/02/2021 20:01 - Canada

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 92

Taking stock

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 05:01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, back in 2018, I had money and a six pack; in 2019 I couldn’t walk and had to have a back surgery; in 2020 I lost over $650,000 and gained over 40 pounds. Now, in 2021 I'm surviving and stress-eating trying not to lose everything I worked for. Fuck, I miss being a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 286

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 93

This pandemic is ruining our health in so many ways

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 20:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 690

All over

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 14:01

Today, after I had my wisdom teeth cut out yesterday, so of course I’m in pain. To top it off, I threw my back out today and can’t bend over. So in the end, I’m loopy from pain meds and my back hurts twice as bad as my mouth. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 97

Stay safe out there

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 447

Helpless

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 21:30

Today, I have to cook for her if I don’t want her to live on sweets, remind her to actually eat her food before it goes bad, then clean and put away her dishes. When I ask her to help, she complains that she "can never do it right anyway." My teenage daughter? No, my mom, age 62. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 140

Sorry, but it's a no

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 05:01 - Australia - The Oaks

Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 108

Climate change? What's that?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 21:30

Today, our bathroom is so cold that my shea butter and homemade coconut oil toothpaste are too hard to get out of the jar. Yes, that’s the same room I get naked in twice a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 231

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 20:01

Today, I had to choose between being in excruciating pain and having a happy significant other by doing housework, or resting my sprained ankle and having my significant other pissed off at me because she thinks I’m milking it. She went to bed two hours ago and I can barely move it. Guess which I chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 220

Some friends you've got there

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I wrote a post about how I was thinking of attempting suicide. Not one single person contacted me to see if I was alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 640

Deep Throat

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 06:21 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, after months of celibacy due to being utterly single in this pandemic, I finally got to look a man in the eyes while being deepthroated. Oh. I wasn't gagging on his penis, no no, it was on a Covid test swab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 326

kahaney tells us more.

kahaney 4

Tuesday 16 February 2021 3:29

Hey, OP here! Hahaha ,fortunately I had the choice to get the nasal or the throat swab and I chose throat! No deep nasal ******* here!

Do me a solid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 20:01

Today, and for the last six months, I've been on a medication that greatly improves the main symptoms of my chronic illness. Too bad it also gives me chronic diarrhea. I feel much better and can function better than I have since my teens, but I haven't taken a solid dump in half a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 95

No end in sight

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 11:01 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 169

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 08:02

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 217

Great mom you got there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 05:01

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 180

Dyslexics untie!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 02:01

Today, after finding out from my psychologist that I have a disability in reading comprehension, I tried to Google how to improve my reading skills. I couldn't understand what any of the articles were saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 141

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 00:30 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was admonished by a supermarket cashier because my mask had slipped below my nose. So had hers, actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 393

Sandwiches rule

By Sebastian Bonaparte - 11/02/2021 00:30

Today, it's the fourth day since I got home from hospital in a wheelchair after a car wreck. It was also the first day that someone in my house offered to do something for me. My father-in-law visited and offered to make me a sandwich. My response? I cried. My wife and kids laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 118

It never rains…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 17:01

Today, it's my ninth day off work. I should have been back 4 days ago, but whilst resting a swollen knee at home, I got a hair stuck in my eye so badly that I had to go to A&E at 4 a.m. to get it taken out. Now work won't let me come back until the resulting conjunctivitis clears up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 141

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 05:01

Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 543

And you are?

By Firefighter Groom - 07/02/2021 23:01

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081

You deserved it 75

Whatcha doin' up there?

By That1FamousWRX - 07/02/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to pull a nose hair out, only to end up pulling a spider out by its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 108

You just had to be special

By Anonymous - 06/02/2021 23:01

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 95

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By leah - 06/02/2021 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 109

Tact

By FalkensLabyrinth - 04/02/2021 01:57 - United States - Gardner

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 217

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 238

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 19:55

Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 85

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The Top

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 042

You deserved it 2 811

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 973

You deserved it 11 797

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299 990

You deserved it 67 638

Today, I received a Playboy magazine that I never ordered, and now my husband won't stop laughing at me or calling me a closet heterosexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 365

You deserved it 751

Today, I went out with a friend to a bar. After several Cosmopolitans, I decided to finally call my ex and tell him everything about how I feel, and how I really miss him. In the end, he said that it’s all so sweet and he will call my later. He hasn't called me since then. Instead, I was blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 476

Today, at my boyfriend's request, I put on a tennis dress for him. He was so turned on that he got a massive nosebleed and bled all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 107