By lily - 12/4/2021 23:00

Young body, old soul

Today, I was diagnosed with gout. I’m 19. FML

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Commando

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

By FML - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

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By Sam - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

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By trev - United States

Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 20:00

Instadrama

Today, after suspecting that my boyfriend was cheating while I was out of town, I came across an Instagram picture of him with another girl. I found out that he told her he was single. When I confronted him in a comment, the girl’s friend replied, "He clearly likes her more than you." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

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By DumbCuntApparently - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

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By arw - United States

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

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By snowman - United States

Today, right before a huge snowstorm hit our area, I broke up with my girlfriend. In her fury, she decided to grab my car keys and roll down all four windows in my car. I now have 2 feet of half melted snow in my backseat. FML

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By Mackdaddy - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

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By w_t_f - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

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By keenan - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

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By

Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

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By loquacious shit stain - Australia

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

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By miewann - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

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By howtragic - Australia

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

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By Username - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 11:03 - United States - Fairfax

The jury's out on this one

Today, I start my second week of jury duty. I was only supposed to do one week of jury duty and then go on a week of a pre-paid vacation. Instead, I’m required to go back to court this week, I’m spending my evenings doing my regular job, and I lost nearly $1,000 that I pre-paid for lodging. FML

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By firestar772 - United States - Santa Barbara

It's probably considered art

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

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By mama75 - United States

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

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By ponyboy - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she suspected me of cheating. She thought I was cheating because she caught me sneaking out in the middle of the night. I was sneaking out to plan my proposal to her. FML

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By Discouraged despite my effort

Today, I told my future MIL that we couldn't see her on Christmas because I have to work that day passing out gifts to elderly patients, but that I would call off work to travel to see her any day after. That isn't good enough, so she asked my fiance to spend Christmas without me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

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By jessie - 16/12/2020 20:58 - United States - Denver

Armchair psychiatrist

Today, I was informed that I am, in fact, faking my depression. Why? Because I shower daily. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

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By Amb - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML

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By unfortunate419 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend over to show off to my family when my senile great-grandmother walked into the room wearing nothing but her underpants asking when the Olympics come on. FML

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By Wtf

Today, my estranged, psycho ex called me ten times and left belligerent messages because I didn't send him anything for his birthday yesterday like I used to. This is the same man who never gave me a birthday gift, text, or even a Happy Birthday wish during our 7 years together. FML

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By Lucachoo

Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his muscles as my anniversary gift. FML

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By Escape! - United States

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

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By creepingjennie - 7/6/2020 02:11

Because I'm worth it

Today, I discovered that head lice shampoo can remove the dye from your hair. FML

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By hypebeast - United States

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

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Top comments

By sarsuela | 25

#7986121 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 13:11

I had sympotms of gout when I was 16 (but got diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthrities instead). Same happened a few years later on my other leg. I'm 30 now and have not had any more attacks.
I hope you'll be fine too!

By Rsonicgamer_fml | 4

#7986154 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 16:54

Sympathies, those effin' hurt. I was around 25 when it started. Haven't had an episode in a few years since I cut off the sodas from my life (I already didn't drink alcohol and didn't eat too much red meat)

COMMENTS

By phybreawptic | 12

#7986102 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 11:54

Dammit, Bobby!

Reply

bleachedraven | 12

#7986238 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 21:10

If I had a drink, I would have spit it out from reading this comment 🤣

By sarsuela | 25

#7986121 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 13:11

I had sympotms of gout when I was 16 (but got diagnosed with juvenile idiopathic arthrities instead). Same happened a few years later on my other leg. I'm 30 now and have not had any more attacks.
I hope you'll be fine too!

By Rsonicgamer_fml | 4

#7986154 - Tuesday 13 April 2021 16:54

Sympathies, those effin' hurt. I was around 25 when it started. Haven't had an episode in a few years since I cut off the sodas from my life (I already didn't drink alcohol and didn't eat too much red meat)