Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, it was our first time sleeping in the same bed together. She tossed and turned so much, she actually kicked me out onto the floor, so now I have a black eye and a mild concussion. Ta babe. FML
Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML
Today, my friends and I got front stage tickets to our favorite band. Being my first concert, we planned to start a small mosh pit in the back. I got knocked out by my best friend's elbow and was rushed to the hospital, during the first song. FML
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Top comments
iarefatal 9
You weakened him up for her, right?
SonOfAMitch 14
Eh, it's not that bad... at least she didn't up getting hurt and actually defended herself However, I still feel sorry for you OP :(
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Comments (167)
SonOfAMitch 14
Eh, it's not that bad... at least she didn't up getting hurt and actually defended herself However, I still feel sorry for you OP :(
SonOfAMitch 14
Sorry, *end up
lilhellian 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
He can pass her off as the chosen one?
lopsop 12
I feel sorry the day op tries to break up with her
poccocurantes 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
H
chlorinegreen 27
For the longest time I was trying to find your mistake. Funny how your mind fills in the blanks for you.
iMeowzAlot 8
#30 Your comment changed my life thank you.
the17doctor 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why? he shouldn't have resprted to violence right away. could just told the guy to f off.
sens3sfailing 25
Any guy ass holish enough to grab a random girls ass will hardly give a shit if you tell him to **** off. Don't know of many douche bags with no regard for personal space who give a **** about what you say to them in a way that would make him back off.
Catkam623 27
Idk most douche bags aren't really looking for a fight and are just trying to impress their friends he might have ****** off
iarefatal 9
You weakened him up for her, right?
buckdharma 38
Yeah, he got tired from op's face repeatedly hitting his fist.
babydiamond_fml 9
Hahahahahha!
whostolemylama 12
At least you know she won't kiss someone else at midnight and claim him as a friend. On the other note: You tried, its the thought that counts. Right?
wlddog 14
He better hope it counts. Or, she may be someone that actually values strength in a man. or not being dumb enough to pick a fight with a massive bodybuilder. I guess it depends on How big the other guy was and how he actually got knocked out. Considering she beat the crap out of the other guy, i am guessing he wasn't very intimidating.
Dracoboxer357 36
22- I've beaten larger men and have been beaten by smaller men. It's not always the size of the man in a fight, but the size of the fight in the man. ;)
wlddog 14
Did your girlfriend whip the guys you couldnt?
Dracoboxer357 36
77- Lol, the bulk of my last fights were in a ring with gear on, and my wife cheered for me in both cases of victory and defeat. ;) I think it would have been bad manners if she jumped in and took over for me at that point. ;D
wlddog 14
LoL, you could have sold more tickets. Just for the record, if it was true that "it is the size of the fight in the dog, not the dog in the fight", then why have weight classes? I agree, its random when righting someone off the street. However, that does not mean I will ever put money on the little guy. Guess i am not much of a romantic.
Pleonasm 36
At least now you don't need to worry about her, that woman can kick some ass! Just remember not to piss her off...
Sandman366 6
Hell hath no fury...
aruam365 24
While it is sexual assault for someone to grab an unwilling person's ass... I completely understand telling him off for it and possibly reporting it but trying to start a fight over it is really ******* stupid and only is going to escalate the situation.
Paris25_fml 11
So let it escalate, cut his hand off and send a message to all other sexual predators.
Quest_ 13
I am pleased for your girlfriend.
Eorlas 31
Wow, FYL OP that's really embarrassing. Try to look on the bright side though. At least she was there to back you up so you didn't get hurt more. Look at it as a sign that you have a really nice girlfriend! She could have just cried, but she stood up for you instead.
connerwonner 7
No she stood up for herself. OP was already unconscious.
Trisha_aus 15
This reminds me of the movie 10 Things I Hate About You when Joe Gordon- Levitt tries to fight the guy and Bianca ends up beating him up..girl power!
perdix 31
You probably ****** up his hands real good by using your face. Nevertheless, if you get in an argument with your girlfriend, you'd better be prepared to run.
Lacist 19
That is pure satire and we love it, hope that guys okay.
amara92_fml 10
Wow girl power, good on her. Atleast you know she will always have your back
enormouselephant 15
Well your username isn't helping you, OP.
Trisha_aus 15
A man can't love cats?
poccocurantes 7
Yeah cats really have nothing to do with Ops martial skills. Have you ever seen those buggers fight. I would much rather face a dog than a cat the same size.
Dracoboxer357 36
12- I loved My cat until she died of old age, and I don't see how wanting to take care of a pet helps or hurts Op in the context of this posting. ;p I'm not going to think he's more of a real big brawler if he happened to call himself "400 lb Slaughterhouse." ;p
enormouselephant 15
37- I don't see where I said anything about him wanting to take care of a cat? He only likes cats, maybe his fighting skills are as strong as his emotions.