Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
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Top comments
Pr0metheus 7
Hm well I think your wife should be the one writing this FML, you know since she's practically ******** fire in there...
kayleebearr 6
YDI for giving your wife laxatives just because she made fun of your tiny wiener .
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Comments (243)
Cryptic_Equinox 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well that is just a shitty thing to do. ..i know.. That was awful..
GoW_Chick 15
I think we all know what I have to do.. *starts loading gun*
philipino 24
*Goes and grabs knife and spiked boots*
Pr0metheus 7
NNNOOOO *jumps in front of bullet in slow motion and from a low angle to make it more dramatic*
Idonebeenhad 17
You drugged her with laxatives just because she made a joke about your junk? I'd drug you with a bit of arsenic for that...asshole FHL
DrDilllonReese 12
*performs combo breaker by saying hello."
FirstTigerHobbes 13
*Lowers GoW_Chick's gun* There is a more civilized way to do this. *Rides out in a tank* Lets roll
Idonebeenhad 17
*hides in corner for having not noticed the combo*
Dontstealmyname 11
#27 You're one comment too slow! Hahah!
GoW_Chick 15
Hell yeah 28, we'll go at them Tank girl style. (Tank girl, google it)
coletrain11 5
I can't help but notice no one is throwing on cool shades for all this gun slinging and tank rolling.
Pr0metheus 7
Does this count?
FirstTigerHobbes 13
43- yeah, shit's going down tonight >:D
chell1894 13
ANDDD, your wife officially married an asshole
AyeTee77 18
Ladies, let this be a message to you all...never make fun of a man's prized possession.
Blacksabbath211 9
FirstTigerHobbes, I love you for using that character...you rule xD
FirstTigerHobbes 13
81- well I love myself for being me too :3
n_epic_fail 14
Sleep with one eye open and some sort of weapon under your pillow, 'cuz when women come for revenge they're out for blood...
imepelepticsir 5
*watches from grenade shelter*
alphaskater09 9
*says something stupid that could possibly result in more than 10 thumbs down* *also puts on some shutter shades in a failed attempt to look cool, but instead spells words incurektly becoz he cent see thr kerbird*
LolCakes111 7
I've noticed a lot of love FMLs have people who go Today, my boyfriend says *joke*. FML. They took it seriously, and posters somewhat get it's a joke. Pretty ironic FML, but YDI, ass/jerkoff/douchebag/whatever your insults are.
njgohard 16
*tapes broken glass to knuckles*
RebekahBrooke 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ydi. she made a joke, and you did something overused. kudos for not taking her crap, though. so... FML and ydi!
williemac987 5
Ba da ba ba ba!!!
DrDilllonReese 12
42- just go back with the cave people now...
PhilipTheDeacan 0
"Taking her crap"...
LookOnBrightSide 12
OP finally learned that karma's a bitch. Some things are best left as jokes. OP definitely took it too far.
emilymac420 0
That's not a prank. You took it a little too far. How is that FYL?!
honne_tatemae 9
Wow, remind me never to tell a joke around you OP, I might end up dead.
btstig 11
Because he was probably laying there naked. Thought he was going to get some but nay!
godisnowhere41 5
Read the package next time OP
tommyfox 19
Actually, I do believe he took her crap in the end!
BZ23 1
Ur hot
hawaiianfire 0
No he didn't take her crap, the toilet did.
ElShus 0
I don't know why it's okay for girls to say "oh! He did that! You should have kicked him in the balls!" But not okay for a husband to slip a over the counter drug. I'm not sure on this but I'm not sure if laxatives are dangerous, but I'll say right now that in any which, way, shape, or form is it okay for a ANYONE to kick a man in the balls unless physically attacked. To recap I think double standards are taking place.
ElShus 0
Jesus, after I read that I realized that it's worded really weird
derpster 7
super smooth, OP.
philipino 24
That shit didn't sound it came out smoothly. . .
SAMMILLER098 2
That's shitty.
Swiftly 0
23- No, just no.
Nickel05 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
thats not funny. she just made a joke, and this was your response? jeez, learn how to take a joke.
CareFace 16
Insecure much?
HattedMad 7
Seriously. "And yet you still keep coming back" would have shut her up real quick.
alliewillie 22
Agreed. She made a verbal joke and you took it to the next level - physical? Then had the balls to COMPLAIN when she was stuck in the bathroom "******** her guts out" for over an hour like it put you out instead of her? The comment above me is right. Your wife married an asshole.
turtlemonkey 0
she deserved it.get over it.
dfc09 5
Dude, really? I think a prank in return for a joke is pretty fair. And besides, they are clearly a couple that enjoys jokes.
Redoxx_fml 22
Someone's not getting laid to tonight
may651 14
Or ever. He is an ass!! He would be sleeping on the floor.
DrDilllonReese 12
5- after hearing that hailstorm of shit would you really want to get laid? I'd sure hope not...
Redoxx_fml 22
Well I probably wouldn't have slipped her laxatives in the first place so instead there'd be a hailstorm of sex
Pr0metheus 7
Hm well I think your wife should be the one writing this FML, you know since she's practically ******** fire in there...
RyanMacVey 17
"Today, I made a joke about my husbands penis so he drugged me and I spent hours ******** my guts out while he lay in bed. FML"
GovernorGeneral 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Earplugs come in handy in these types of situations...
ImInYourFACEbook 8
Earplugs? Psh, more like duck tape. OP just started a war! If I were him I'd want to keep my mouth shut for awhile.
PlasticSand 6
Duck tape? Ahahahaha
xNephilim 19
There's a brand of duct tape literally called Duck Tape. I guess they figured they'd take advantage of the common misspelling and make more money.
slick5880 22
I would suggest not spooning tonight.
lebronesque73091 12
Ewwwwwww. I got a visual of that.
j_cat187 20
Is there such a fetiche?
MustangGirl72 9
113: Do you mean "fetish"? And I'm sure there is. There's a fetish for everything.
slick5880 22
Rule 34.
SAMMILLER098 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Pay backs a bitch...
btstig 11
His wife and their toilet elf are finding that out first hand.
kayleebearr 6
YDI for giving your wife laxatives just because she made fun of your tiny wiener .
howsitgoingjc 2
Hahahaha!
buckstop1 37
No. You NEVER make jokes about a mans penis size. I don't care if it's huge, a lot of guys are sensitive about that stuff.
DoomedGemini 38
Then communicate, pulling this won't help anything.