Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted me to pick her up some medicine because she’s "all plugged up." When I arrived with laxatives, she yelled at me. She meant her sinuses. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me a latte. It tasted off, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I drank it. Turns out he put laxatives in it as a prank. The idiot couldn’t just use one or two. He used so many that I had to go to the ER for severe dehydration after puking and shitting for hours. FML
Today, I showered with my wife for the first time in months, so I was excited. Once we got in, she was adjusting the temperature to something more comfortable. She then turned around and tell me to suck in my gut. After I did so, I slipped and ate shit, smacking my head on the wall. FML
Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Pr0metheus 7
Hm well I think your wife should be the one writing this FML, you know since she's practically ******** fire in there...
kayleebearr 6
YDI for giving your wife laxatives just because she made fun of your tiny wiener .
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (243)
flea_of_death 23
Wow...immature much? Learn to take a joke -_-
hiitisbrooke 28
If that were me I'd go home, cry, and eat ice cream. The forever alone way is always the best! (;
Branflakes78 13
Your Profile Picture scares me!!
jaredofmo 22
Were you the same guy who laced a birthday cake with laxatives?
bizarre_ftw 22
Well, what was he supposed to do? He had a bunch left over and, honestly, who likes wasting money?
Xquisite1 28
Why not just make a joke about her body as well then rather than screwing around with her bowels. I'm sure that it's painful for her.
meade34 2
I'm sure he'd rather be screwing around with her bowels right now.
Big_Chives 7
That's not cool
idontknowyou123 0
inb4 shitty situation puns
MrSassypants 34
in2late about shit puns in general.
seafoam11 8
YDI, way to completely over react. I hope she gets you back in a similar fashion.
linkinpark98 24
Prepare to sleep on the couch. :3
Random017 7
She verbally jabbed you and your response was biological warfare? Sounds like overkill. You deserve it and FHL.
bizarre_ftw 22
Time for the nukes? *innocent curious face*
ClaireBear9087 0
Did you expect something other than her ******** her guts out? You gave her laxatives? Haha. Learn to take a goddamn joke. Your wife's the one who should have wrote this.
meade34 2
Should have written this.
LookOnBrightSide 12
Sounds to me like OP's a psychopath. He totally went overboard on this one.