By IronMonkey - United States

Useless tools

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46616

You deserved it

7005

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Work

This Charming Man

Leave us alone

Technologically challenged

By woof? - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32494

You deserved it

3429

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my first day at work as a cashier. I was so nervous that my whole body got numb and my eye sight completely blurred. I ran to the bathroom blind while bumping into everything in the store, making sure that everyone knew I had a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27105

You deserved it

7509

Favorite

By NotAsGoodAsATruck - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4057

You deserved it

555

Favorite

By Anonymous - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33179

You deserved it

5377

Favorite

By Anonymous

Proud

Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13599

You deserved it

1006

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11645

You deserved it

30828

Favorite

By Redhairchick

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9985

You deserved it

906

Favorite

By deeenalynn - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32785

You deserved it

4251

Favorite

By Chris - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39394

You deserved it

3905

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, it appears that I spent three years of my life studying for a degree to find myself driving around looking for potholes. That's literally my job. I didn't even study roading, my civil engineering degree is in designing structures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1649

You deserved it

235

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45915

You deserved it

6890

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30105

You deserved it

4775

Favorite

By Jodie - Australia

Today, I had to change my mobile number because I was getting abused by a guy, so I sent my new number to all of the people on my contact list. Including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11881

You deserved it

50139

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how looks everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3881

You deserved it

2314

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70204

You deserved it

8318

Favorite

By bloodyhell - United States

Good God, man…

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1666

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42117

You deserved it

10732

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21569

You deserved it

2438

Favorite

By Ammile

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2743

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By Laptop - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31651

You deserved it

3713

Favorite

By Idiot on the bus

Today, I saw a beautiful girl on the bus. Struck up a good conversation, walked with her all the way to my office. Forgot to ask her name and number. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4089

You deserved it

1537

Favorite

By BigBangCheater - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27665

You deserved it

5019

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By psd60 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39230

You deserved it

4181

Favorite

By sickpuppy

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1339

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By Sarah-grace - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10726

You deserved it

1481

Favorite

By Bobby

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4718

You deserved it

232

Favorite

By chap - 11/7/2020 02:01

Monetize your shit life

Today, I was in an Uber with a friend I hadn't seen in 7 years. I was just catching her up on my daily life when my Uber driver decided to chime into our conversation and kindly inform me that: "[I] should be a stand-up comedian." He literally thought my life was a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

197

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/4/2021 08:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Epic

Today, I ended up missing all my Zoom classes because I had the audacity to stay up all night and build an epic Minecraft fortress. And then I accidentally deleted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

225

You deserved it

2144

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23685

You deserved it

2410

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By CoolGuy69 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12973

You deserved it

1823

Favorite

By Official_Person - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21981

You deserved it

31068

Favorite

By yupthissucks - United States - Newnan

Today, I ran into the woman who hit my car and drove off three days ago. She was my bank teller. I called 911; she pressed the silent alarm. Guess whose story the cops believed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39041

You deserved it

2760

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42520

You deserved it

4877

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was eating lunch at work, I practically had a panic attack because I'd forgotten to feed my Neopet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11086

You deserved it

36809

Favorite

By BirthdayBoy - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32903

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2839

You deserved it

505

Favorite

By xoxo - United States

Miscommunication

Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1733

You deserved it

377

Favorite

By ChiefKoala

This is America

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2187

You deserved it

3426

Favorite

By Shrek's Pubes

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1398

You deserved it

536

Favorite

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Top comments

By panicked | 0

#287930 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:15

so the condoms are just piling up?
give them to hobos in need or something.

By um_duh | 0

#287924 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:15

Perhaps you need to get out more & find ladies you can test the product on?

If all else fails get yourself a blow up doll ;)

COMMENTS

By lissygirl | 0

#287905 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

I moderated this one! Haha sucks though.

YANKS2728 | 0

#2414589 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 6:20

hey boys check out my profile if you wanna "hook up;)"

yupitssoph | 18

#4621313 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 17:27

Haha I love finding FMLs that I've moderated.

By Manny_B92 | 0

#287909 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:13

Wow... it's a curse! cool 2

Crlnprz | 11

#3985272 - Friday 3 February 2012 4:34

maybe he got the job because hes such a dick. haha get it. cheesy pun no.. no? okay...

By CinderElla21 | 0

#287912 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:14

No need getting one then!

By um_duh | 0

#287924 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:15

Perhaps you need to get out more & find ladies you can test the product on?

If all else fails get yourself a blow up doll ;)

By 24788 | 6

#287928 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:15

Well have you been trying?

Brittaneyyy | 0

#1151151 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 5:37

#5 wow ur hot

emodude44 | 0

#2141926 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 18:43

121 wow your hot!

By panicked | 0

#287930 - Wednesday 10 June 2009 2:15

so the condoms are just piling up?
give them to hobos in need or something.

xXCrazyPersonXx | 0

#1085194 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 18:20

^WIN!!

yupitssoph | 18

#4621319 - Wednesday 27 June 2012 17:29

I say he take the giant basket of unused condoms he most likely has in his room and walk down the street and just start flinging them at random couples and hobos.