Work: Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who... - FML

By PentiumBawls8 - United States

Today, while at my job, I walked past one of my colleagues who has been sick for the past couple of days. She knows that I'm a tea drinker and asked me for a tea bag. While conversing with her, I handed her one and left. I then later realized that I gave her a condom. FML

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Messed up

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

Squatters' rights

By Ishikur - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I tried to explain autism to my classmates. One of them, a professional cunt who's always looking for an excuse to lecture people, accused me of being "ableist" because my explanations weren't accurate, and said I shouldn't explain things I don't understand. I'm actually autistic. FML

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By BuggedinBelgium

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 23:00

The geyser

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

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By comfort_ - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

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By IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

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By theuglyfriend - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

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By ... - France

Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

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By Aleksandar Veljović - 25/11/2020 05:01

Interpreter blues

Today, at the hospital, I had to tell someone he was going to die because I was the only one to speak his language. FML

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By syle - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

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By Rusty Armstrong - 17/8/2020 05:01

Thanks capitalism, I hate it!

Today, the prison program I work for has been shut down for months due to Covid, but my bosses have been having us sitting at our desks, doing nothing, in proximity to the inmates. I guess they'd rather pay us to be exposed than to stay safe. FML

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By anonymous - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Elk River

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

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By vicious circle - Sint Maarten (Dutch part)

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

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By barri - Costa Rica

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

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By poopcoloredeyes - Australia

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

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By Pk45 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son wanted to rent some movie with talking animals in it for us to watch together. I couldn't say no, but talking animal movies freak me out big time, I either start to cry or feel nauseous. Especially ones with dogs. What is wrong with me? FML

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By David - United States

Today, I decided to ride my rusty old bike to work, since it will help the environment. I was standing up and had a tight grip on the handle bars. The handle bars came off and I fell down on the cross bar, busting my nuts. FML

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By Baggabbles123 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

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By keifer13 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

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By Monkey - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, my six year old daughter cut out the stomach area of four of my favorite shirts. When I asked her why she had done so she replied, "So that they fit your tummy better, Mommy." FML

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By Bro

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

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By Tickdick - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML

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By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

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By Bob - United States

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

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By needsnewshorts - United States - San Clemente

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

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By Hopelesslover - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm. While doing so she was lying on her back. I asked her: "How do you like that, baby?". She responded by asking where I bought the false ceiling and spotlights as she thought it would look good in her flat. She got bored instead of excited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

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By mackenzie_cain - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

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By caiti - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

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By blueballed - Germany - Kiel

Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML

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By Gretchen

Today, I went to see my banker. As we were finishing everything up, I leaned forward to sign something. As I went back to sit down, my 2 year old pulled the chair out from under me, and I crashed down to the floor. FML

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Top comments

By chaos753159 | 4

#787424 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:19

wait she wanted you to "T-Bag" her and u just gve her a condom LOL

By Seventytimeseven | 0

#787416 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:16

hillarious, not FYL. JUst highly amusing

COMMENTS

By Seventytimeseven | 0

#787416 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:16

hillarious, not FYL. JUst highly amusing

Reply

george456 | 0

#787521 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:53

She probably thought you were trying to give her a hint. WIN

Reply

Bertha5 | 0

#792191 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:05

aaahhaa! ieepp

Reply

bobmandude | 0

#995935 - Monday 17 May 2010 5:44

Tea bag and condom in one FML? AWESOME!

Reply

jediknight4ever | 0

#1776392 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 1:32

Did she say yes?

Reply

Autoshot | 9

#2299866 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:45

It would be hilarious if she opened it and pulled it out before realizing.

By shivam1212 | 0

#787421 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:18

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Autoshot | 9

#2299874 - Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:47

// will this get modded?

By chaos753159 | 4

#787424 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:19

wait she wanted you to "T-Bag" her and u just gve her a condom LOL

Reply

rude_21 | 0

#788696 - Thursday 21 January 2010 17:08

Win!

Reply

pnut3xoxo | 0

#989259 - Saturday 8 May 2010 3:07

That's awesome(:

Reply

heysugar111 | 0

#1243816 - Sunday 15 August 2010 5:17

FTW(:

Reply

yamryan | 0

#1852850 - Thursday 16 December 2010 10:03

ftw

By uhhheyy | 0

#787427 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:20

good golly miss Molly !!!!!!

By whatwasthatnoise | 0

#787430 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:21

not fyl but really funny...i like the fact that it was later you relised..i like the idea that you were in the moment, just about to need the condom and pull out a tea bag instead with some sort of comic 'ooo no' moment

Reply

xpopcorn | 0

#1542430 - Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:39

I like this!!! lol.

By Frank155 | 5

#787435 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:23

FAIL

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#787436 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:24

that's gona be some funky ass tasting tea that ladys gona be makin

By omgmorganomg | 0

#787437 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:24

Hahahaha

By VanessaVander | 2

#787448 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:29

dude that's so funny! be more careful though. ydi

By hrtstealer | 0

#787460 - Thursday 21 January 2010 1:35

better apologize before she reports you to HR.