Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML
Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML
Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML
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Top comments
nebula748 14
What did you expect?
docscientist 10
I guess you should have him eat out more.
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Comments (356)
Andrewlostnow 3
me love you long time? Eh?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Is that an omelette? (sp?)
Riemurasia 0
Why are you now on the computer instead of giving him what he earned himself?! :P
RoxRoidz 0
Wrong. FML app.
Ikushka 3
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
rushiee 0
sucks to be you?
msl1333 4
pun intended?
Mistery510 6
haha well you can take it as a compliment.... you must give great blow jobs if he keeps washing the dishes!!
covette 0
not necessarily. just not bad ones...I'd take an ok ******* over nothing anyday
larisonr 4
I don't remember who said it but there's this quote I'll paraphrase, "good sex is amazing, bad sex isn't that bad either."
Mistery510 6
haha as long as you get off right??? lol
allmidnighteyes 11
You shouldn't be using sexual favors as an incentive for him to do stuff in the first place.
nothingbut_fml 0
yes she should. I want a deal like that
Mimiroxxi 0
lmao you should have really thought about it first
Irish702 0
Why couldnt u be my gf
Livinia 11
Hey, at least all the dishes in the house are clean.
please_shoot_me 0
add a picture of yourself in real life please not a fake on of google. just saw that picture of your display on google idiot
mismonroe 0
You didn't think this one through... should have decided on a point system like that other FML.
v1kt4r 13
aye that point system was harsh lol, the dude isnt getting any for weeks
monagro 22
That point system was seriously wrong... This is good though :D (and I'm sure things will cool down soon)