Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me that I have the bad habit of not doing the dishes before he has his daily piss in the sink. FML
Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML
Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML
Today, I explained to my man child of a boyfriend that we don't reuse dirty dishes. We have to wash them. He doesn't think it's gross and yelled at me, throwing the pan in the sink. Oh, he also refuses to wash dishes. FML
Today, I realized that my new boyfriend only showers about once every ten days, and to get him to shower more often I have to bribe him with oral sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML
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Top comments
nebula748 14
What did you expect?
docscientist 10
I guess you should have him eat out more.
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Comments (356)
lomr13 0
haha eee man don't act like u don't like it
ProhibitionRose 14
just cuz you like sucking the dick doesn't mean everyone does, nice pink blouse by the way paragraph
JollyGreenGiantJ 0
i dont blame the guy i mean id probably clean a dish everytime one got dirty
ProhibitionRose 14
win!!!!! you deserve it for him finding a loophole AND because blow jobs shouldn't be used as a reward. if you love him, suck that dick like you mean it! and swallow :D
drewskeeB 0
I needa do dishes more often!
DontBeACreeper 0
agreed. washing dishes is no fun.
619warrior281 5
42, and your a dumbass for not catching on that he's her BF.
xJordieeBearhhx 0
ahahahaha dont underestimate a guy dude.. you'll be surprised.
lfsabtch 4
Oh my god this is awesome. Any idea how I could... "suggest".. this to my girlfriend? Without outright saying it?
LukeNukem_fml 3
you won't believe the amount of jealousy I'm feeling toward your boyfriend now.
Barney_Rubble_75 0
wow! you can type and give head at the same time! you are a skilled, multitasker! how is this FML? it's win-win. Your brilliant incentive scheme works! he is NEVER going to leave you and you will NEVER have to do dishes again. Only time this is gonna get awkward is at Christmas family dinners & parties etc... if he ever did leave you, he's going to get boners every time he does the dishes for the rest if his life! LMAO!