Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped...

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32189

You deserved it

3255

Favorite

Work

Rock, hard place

KoBabe

Risky business

By Lolaa123 - 25/9/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31107

You deserved it

3839

Favorite

By ciotter - 8/1/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30506

You deserved it

5369

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/9/2014 13:58 - United States

Today, I went to use the porta potty at the construction site I work at and found two homeless people having sex in it. I almost got fired, because my advisor blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39274

You deserved it

4086

Favorite

By emoney - 19/5/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77919

You deserved it

3649

Favorite

By me_the_maniak - 12/1/2012 10:14 - India

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26679

You deserved it

2431

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2015 01:15 - United States - Mountain View

Today, at a public restroom, I caught my extremely eco-friendly daughter, who was on her period, looking through the trash. When I asked why, she said, "Because I'm looking for pads to use. It'll mean less garbage." I then had to lecture her in the public restroom about health and hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27367

You deserved it

2561

Favorite

By devigsgirl - 26/8/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31737

You deserved it

5936

Favorite

By chickfilady - 29/7/2016 03:10

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15901

You deserved it

2264

Favorite

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27279

You deserved it

10013

Favorite

By lonerboner - 3/10/2012 13:47 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17974

You deserved it

37086

Favorite

By Becca - 11/4/2012 03:49 - United States - Tampa

Today, while walking to work, I swore I saw one of my old friends from college standing in the park across the street. I started shouting her name and waving my hands like a maniac to get her attention. It was a statue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11589

You deserved it

27034

Favorite

By samantha - 27/1/2010 14:05 - Singapore

Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35623

You deserved it

4341

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/9/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, at dinner, my grandmother informed us that my cousin's newborn baby has been having seizures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replied, "It's not a seizure if you're shaking it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10593

You deserved it

43963

Favorite

By Elliot - 22/7/2010 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36024

You deserved it

4211

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/1/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41370

You deserved it

14679

Favorite

By vkryss13 - 22/6/2015 19:10 - Guam - Tamuning

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27314

You deserved it

2496

Favorite

By Justme - 20/2/2011 12:23 - United States

Today, I had surgery on my "girl parts" and can't have sex for six weeks. My boyfriend sees no need to spend any time with me until I heal up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53205

You deserved it

7389

Favorite

By Anon - 18/8/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30052

You deserved it

3030

Favorite

By breakfast tea - 7/4/2012 19:30 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I was escorted out of the building for getting in a scuffle at my anger management class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8679

You deserved it

28449

Favorite

By spaz - 14/3/2011 01:49 - United States

Today, my dog started barking very aggressively. Thinking she'd started another gruesome fight with my older dog, I jumped up from the couch, spilling my coffee all over my laptop and dress, and knocked over a vase my grandmother gave me. She was barking at her own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30824

You deserved it

13658

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/3/2016 20:57 - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18440

You deserved it

1351

Favorite

By John - 21/10/2014 00:29 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to hide in the washroom closet while I was taking a piss. I wasn't pissing, I was wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44250

You deserved it

14376

Favorite

By alpine75 - 3/5/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61796

You deserved it

8501

Favorite

By loser - 9/5/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45599

You deserved it

13019

Favorite

By coolkid111 - 27/3/2011 00:26 - United States

Today, I was going to my prom. My mom knows I want to drink so to prevent me, she made sure I took my prescription medicine before I left. I guess her way of stopping me from drinking is killing myself If I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17367

You deserved it

39854

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43256

You deserved it

4016

Favorite

By dBLIZZARD - 9/6/2015 18:39 - United States

Today, my dog ran away. I looked for him for 5 hours, and when I came back home, he was waiting for me at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28897

You deserved it

3989

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

59352

You deserved it

7262

Favorite

By taurus05 - 14/11/2009 03:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my fellow coworker about how nervous I was about sleeping with this guy I really liked. She's been constantly giving me advice about him for months, but today she said "Oh don't worry, he isn't that good in bed anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24989

You deserved it

3289

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 09:27 - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26988

You deserved it

2799

Favorite

By morethanredhands - 21/5/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26621

You deserved it

7762

Favorite

By Bellagirl - 19/7/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38333

You deserved it

5460

Favorite

By - 29/6/2019 03:03

Today, I tried to call my company's HR to report my boss for sexually inappropriate comments towards me. Turns out, the only person I can complain to is the franchise owner, who has been good friends with my boss for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1802

You deserved it

118

Favorite

By CanWeAllGetOne - 13/11/2013 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52701

You deserved it

13953

Favorite

By Carolyn Burnham - 23/10/2016 15:23

Today, I was at the local drive-thru with my boyfriend. While we were picking up the food, the asswipe at the window thought it hilarious to copy the scene from "American Beauty" and pretend that we were a couple and that I was cheating on him. My actual boyfriend believed it and won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10925

You deserved it

846

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81405

You deserved it

30507

Favorite

By mlowy - 9/5/2014 05:35 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44044

You deserved it

4156

Favorite

By fml9124 - 5/9/2019 20:00

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1297

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By Cammy - 29/4/2009 07:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19294

You deserved it

63137

Favorite

By Popscene - 26/9/2012 09:06 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24261

You deserved it

2909

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Zebidee | 8

#1556036 - Saturday 16 October 2010 13:25

Them: "OMG! You have a swastika branded into your face!!"
You: "Yeah, I got it years ago when I was in charge of the ovens."
Them: *looks horrified* *runs away*
You: "No! You don't understand! I was working in a bakery!!!"
You: "FML."

By FFML_314 | 11

#1555769 - Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

Swastika shaped pie racks. Sounds like a very family oriented place.

COMMENTS

By suppressed08 | 2

#1555749 - Saturday 16 October 2010 12:03

lol^^ go team Adolf!

EightInchNails | 9

#1555760 - Saturday 16 October 2010 12:03

No.

suppressed08 | 2

#1555763 - Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

You know, like Teams Jacob and Edward?

Maybe not the best team, but I only had a Swastika to work with.

Cjw1220 | 0

#1556423 - Saturday 16 October 2010 15:37

It actually is pretty good. Fuck vampires, fuck werewolves, go mass murderers!

PixiiLuv | 0

#1556519 - Saturday 16 October 2010 15:59

WTF!!! this better be a joke

jocelyng_fml | 0

#1556727 - Saturday 16 October 2010 16:22

when #1 said it I'm like whatever but when 32 said it I laughed :)

pablothepenguin | 2

#1557101 - Saturday 16 October 2010 17:35

YAYYYYY HITLER!!!

fuzzywazzy012 | 0

#1557656 - Saturday 16 October 2010 19:44

Word

corytheboss | 0

#1557810 - Saturday 16 October 2010 20:02

hello dere!

zerobahamut03 | 2

#1557925 - Saturday 16 October 2010 20:22

Well you know what that means OP! You must be the reincarnate.

Person000 | 0

#1558249 - Saturday 16 October 2010 22:07

_________
|. _____|#-- @(- _ -)@
|. _|. |
|__|

SAMHAlN | 0

#1559336 - Sunday 17 October 2010 4:46

Stalin owned hitler and everyone knows it. I'm team Stalin he killed more people.

yourlifesfucked | 0

#1560154 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:47

Team Pol Pot?

psyco5000 | 0

#1580506 - Thursday 21 October 2010 9:23

nice.

By FFML_314 | 11

#1555769 - Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

Swastika shaped pie racks. Sounds like a very family oriented place.

nekocuppycakes | 0

#1556116 - Saturday 16 October 2010 14:05

haha yeah! WHAT ELSE IS IN THE OVEN!?

crashtest1205 | 0

#1556144 - Saturday 16 October 2010 14:14

HAHAHA , good one :)

zoraman5 | 3

#1556371 - Saturday 16 October 2010 15:26

I lol'd :D

blankaex | 0

#1557114 - Saturday 16 October 2010 17:38

Actually, I think the swastika burn mark came from a pie. You know how they put those extra strips of pastry on top of a pie so they know the filling?