Work: Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped... - FML

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 221

You deserved it 3 280

Mother of the year

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

Bad timing

By MadWorld - 28/08/2016 17:49

Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 512

You deserved it 1 263

By Anonymous - 02/01/2013 19:02 - Canada - Belle River

Spicy

Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 848

You deserved it 9 827

By new dog - 14/09/2014 03:38 - United States - Gaithersburg

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 352

You deserved it 3 949

By Nakdnathan - 16/09/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 981

You deserved it 3 927

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 1 307

By pubquizgenius - 27/01/2010 08:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a tense tiebreak round to win the local pub quiz. As the quizmaster read out more clues, I got the answer, got up and rushed to be the first team to the bar. I tripped, faceplanted. The whole bar laughed, and then I realized that it wasn't a "fastest to the bar" round. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 824

You deserved it 25 299

By smh - 10/09/2015 06:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after coming home from a long day at work, I found out that in a house full of 5 adults, some rules still need to be set. The newest addition to the rules: No watching porn and jerking off in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 631

You deserved it 2 257

Road rage

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 20:00

Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 545

By fucking mafia or what?? - 12/01/2013 22:02 - United States - Marysville

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 908

You deserved it 3 434

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 18:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 10 836

By pikachu_43 - 21/03/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 581

You deserved it 4 175

By nowbrokevaper - 19/11/2016 18:47 - United States - Pomona

Today, I found out that my boss, who had promised me a raise, is not promoting me. He says I don't have the right 'vibe' and I'm not 'relaxed' enough for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 777

By LonelyAngel22 - 24/11/2016 08:10

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 373

You deserved it 1 534

By Talented73 - 25/04/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 365

By shadysheikh - 29/10/2014 04:55 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 651

You deserved it 9 086

By full moon - 08/09/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 900

You deserved it 8 961

By Jlhfan90 - 03/10/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 793

You deserved it 18 962

By Theguyinthedark - 30/06/2016 13:23 - Bangladesh

Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 019

You deserved it 1 122

By Anonymous - 11/09/2016 05:52 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my colon got perforated during a routine colonoscopy. Apparently, it's a rare complication and I have no legal recourse. So now I'll need to use a colostomy bag for the next 6 months until I can get surgery to fix their mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 129

You deserved it 1 067

By Fml24609 - 20/08/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king size bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 683

You deserved it 5 707

By ugh - 23/01/2016 20:48 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, I crashed my car into a bridge, while playing a song with the line, "I crashed my car into a bridge". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 719

You deserved it 5 815

By Katelyn - 20/04/2012 17:58 - United States - Folsom

Today, I was pumping gas, when my daughter called me. After I hung up, I put my phone on the car roof while I grabbed my bag. I completely forgot about it and only realized when it shot off the roof as I braked at a traffic light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 542

You deserved it 25 114

By Miki13 - 11/11/2012 20:27 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 858

You deserved it 1 706

By joolsie - 15/05/2013 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 753

You deserved it 3 574

By grem - 13/04/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. I was playing with his little sister by grabbing her arms and spinning her around. On one turn, she started screaming in pain. It turns out I dislocated both her shoulders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 647

You deserved it 69 399

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 592

You deserved it 3 126

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Spicy

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 889

You deserved it 9 094

By LizLiao - 14/04/2009 07:50 - United States

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 779

You deserved it 7 752

By cheerymama - 23/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 902

You deserved it 26 051

Antiques Roadshow

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 02:00

Today, I made a mosaic for my grandma out of her old crockery, after I had finished it, I found out from a neighbour that some of the plates looked like Wedgewood. So I dug through the stuff that I didn't use. It turns out the original lot would have been worth about £2000. With the stuff left, I'd be lucky to get £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 276

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 20:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 596

You deserved it 6 060

Today, on "Dr. Phil"…

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 02:01

Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 101

By naughtymommy0317 - 20/06/2013 08:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my husband, he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I don't know which is worse: that he didn't stop to see if I was OK, or that it seemed to turn him on and he climaxed immediately after he'd hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 978

You deserved it 5 893

By aftermath1991 - 03/09/2009 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit for an hour listening to my girlfriend talk to her ex about his testicles. She laughed more during that conversation than she ever has with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 063

You deserved it 6 254

By Tootie - 30/07/2011 06:58 - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 762

You deserved it 3 518

My kingdom for a lock

By IAmJacksDeflatedHappiness - 19/10/2021 23:00

Today, I asked my family not to disturb me while I slept, as I had hit over 72 hours of insomnia. My family must have heard me say, “Come in every 20 minutes and wake me up with whatever banal shit you can think of.” I gave up when my mother-in-law decided to enter my room and start vacuuming the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 79

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 876

You deserved it 2 866

Sinking feeling

By Daligheri - 02/03/2021 11:01

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 100

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 22:39 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 888

You deserved it 7 218

By Shantwozzlah - 26/03/2012 16:15 - United States - Kissimmee

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 737

You deserved it 3 566

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:25

Them: "OMG! You have a swastika branded into your face!!" You: "Yeah, I got it years ago when I was in charge of the ovens." Them: *looks horrified* *runs away* You: "No! You don't understand! I was working in a bakery!!!" You: "FML."

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

Swastika shaped pie racks. Sounds like a very family oriented place.

Comments

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:03

lol^^ go team Adolf!

EightInchNails 9

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:03

No.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

You know, like Teams Jacob and Edward? Maybe not the best team, but I only had a Swastika to work with.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:37

It actually is pretty good. Fuck vampires, fuck werewolves, go mass murderers!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:59

WTF!!! this better be a joke

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:22

when #1 said it I'm like whatever but when 32 said it I laughed :)

pablothepenguin 2

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Saturday 16 October 2010 17:35

YAYYYYY HITLER!!!

fuzzywazzy012 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 19:44

Word

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Saturday 16 October 2010 20:02

hello dere!

zerobahamut03 2

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Saturday 16 October 2010 20:22

Well you know what that means OP! You must be the reincarnate.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 22:07

_________ |. _____|#-- @(- _ -)@ |. _|. | |__|

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Sunday 17 October 2010 4:46

Stalin owned hitler and everyone knows it. I'm team Stalin he killed more people.

yourlifesfucked 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 9:47

Team Pol Pot?

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Thursday 21 October 2010 9:23

nice.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:05

Swastika shaped pie racks. Sounds like a very family oriented place.

nekocuppycakes 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:05

haha yeah! WHAT ELSE IS IN THE OVEN!?

crashtest1205 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:14

HAHAHA , good one :)

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:26

I lol'd :D

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Saturday 16 October 2010 17:38

Actually, I think the swastika burn mark came from a pie. You know how they put those extra strips of pastry on top of a pie so they know the filling?

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 15:25

Mmm them some good Jew pies

TheOtherNewest1 6

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:43

@18: The Internet. You just won it.

MacdaddyMaddy 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:08

I'm sorry but if you happen to spot Jews, turn the other cheek literally or you're fucked.

relaxedninja 18

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:25

just get something to cover it up.

amrik 11

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Tuesday 13 September 2011 6:01

Yeah like burn the skin around it

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:27

I'd be pretty turned off if I saw that. God only knows what else you use those ovens for.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 2:27

shell turn on a lot of guys in Germany...now all she needs is a little mustache

InTechniColor_ 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 5:31

HAHA

Dragons_corner 6

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:31

WAS THERE APPLE PIE AND IS IT OK?????? I know mean or stupid joke but I fucking love apple pie grr

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Saturday 16 October 2010 20:34

what are you talking about? she has a swastika on her cheek; they were probably Jew pies.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:48

That does suck... Especially if you're Jewish.

Daftendirekt1 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:48

that must of been a pretty big pen for you to slip like that... i'm just sayin'...

ahhnonomhisdude 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 12:55

god must want you to be a Nazi pig.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:54

hahaaa

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Saturday 16 October 2010 13:22

sucks for you. FYL

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 131

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 299