Miscellaneous: Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out,... - FML

07/05/2009 12:09 - Canada

Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 436

You deserved it 85 706

Broken heart

A boy can dream

Morning conversation

It's a learned behavior

By laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 1 219

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 146

02/11/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 296

You deserved it 6 932

Road rage

By Justwantedathankyou - 18/08/2017 06:00 - United States - Loudon

Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 1 288

01/10/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was going around saying that she tries to give time off to the other managers so they can spend time with their family and significant others. She looked at me and said she doesn't for me because I have no one special to spend time with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 455

You deserved it 2 840

09/09/2012 17:02 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 494

You deserved it 4 031

16/12/2009 02:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 877

You deserved it 7 756

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 339

04/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book is written by a 9-year-old kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 588

You deserved it 6 802

10/12/2012 20:41 - Canada - Brampton

Spicy

Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 16 700

My eyes! My eyes!

By bleach for my eyes please - 07/03/2021 17:01

Spicy

Today, I found out the hard way that my sister has an OnlyFans. Not judging sex workers, I just really wish I’d know she goes by a stage name before I opened the clip. The things I’ve seen… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 390

15/07/2013 17:25 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 490

You deserved it 4 629

10/02/2012 16:12 - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 771

You deserved it 34 603

27/03/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I called my mom to tell her: "Mom, I finally got my period!" There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 753

You deserved it 24 951

Kids…

By Satan'sChildren - 28/04/2013 02:30 - United States - Oak Creek

Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 515

You deserved it 3 244

03/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 852

You deserved it 1 533

21/09/2016 16:55 - Australia - Watson

Today, my father threw out my $100 wedge of blue cheese because it "smelled funny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 922

You deserved it 2 224

Out of the frying pan

By TimeWasted - 22/09/2020 14:04 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 163

24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 106

You deserved it 3 150

19/06/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my phone died. I plugged it in to charge and then went out to run some errands. When I returned, my phone was no where to be found, and our shovel was on the floor, muddy and wet. I then discovered my 6-year old son had buried my "dead" 200$ palmpilot because he had felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 561

You deserved it 6 982

Comforter

By random - 29/01/2012 10:53 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 459

You deserved it 5 381

09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 465

You deserved it 3 600

13/09/2013 01:11 - United States - Drummond Island

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 052

You deserved it 52 567

27/12/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 2 881

Good impressions last

By icarlypoop - 11/04/2020 23:00

Today, I threw up on my crush's lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 433

27/05/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, I finally get to go home after a 16 day training event in Colorado. The plane has been sitting in the runway for over three hours due to lightning storms and we're not allowed to leave. We've spent more time on the ground waiting than the flight itself would take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 3 267

28/05/2019 06:00

Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who said, "Good girl" whenever I said anything that he agreed with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 264

29/06/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my boyfriend and 2 friends. My uncle passed by me in the mall. He said "What are you baby-sitting or something?" He pointed to the merry-go-round. My boyfriend was sitting on the giraffe yelling at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 187

You deserved it 12 689

27/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Trenton

Today, I got married to the man I love even though my whole family told me not to marry him. He got into a drunken fight at our wedding and is now in jail. He apparently won't be getting out any time soon due to charges I didn't know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 640

You deserved it 3 204

06/11/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, my younger brother decided it would be fun to slam a door on my hand while I was holding my brand new $200 cell phone that I got for my birthday. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a broken phone to go along with a broken hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 676

You deserved it 2 589

30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 571

You deserved it 3 963

07/09/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 307

You deserved it 212

12/01/2014 08:03 - United States

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 375

You deserved it 4 897

21/11/2018 13:30

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 283

Congratulations

By GiannyLuv - 27/08/2021 20:01

Today, I was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. Instead, I'm bedridden with the effects of fibromyalgia. When I called my friend to let her know I wouldn't be making it, her response was, "Can't you get fiber-malgia some other time and hurry the fuck up and come? This place charges by the hour." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 155

20/10/2012 04:03 - United States - Ypsilanti

Spicy

Today, I bought professional hair clippers to shave down below, thinking it would be safer than using a razor. Let's just say the bathroom now looks like a murder scene, and it's going to be a while before I have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 602

You deserved it 12 592

17/09/2015 02:36 - United States - Mount Juliet

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about what we want to be when we grow up. He said he wanted to be a bartender, and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 169

You deserved it 2 065

08/10/2012 22:27 - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 670

You deserved it 40 483

Can't handle it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, I feel hung over. Don’t feel up to anything except slouching on the sofa, nursing my headache. Must have been one hell of a party, lots of booze, right? Actually, all I did was go to bed at 11:30 last night, instead of my usual 8.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 131

03/10/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, while working in a jail, I had to tell an inmate arrested for domestic violence that no, he could not use his phone call to call me at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 972

You deserved it 2 266

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

24788 6

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:06

God, I'm so hungry now. FYL though.

PianoManGidley 0

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

So what does it sound like? Just a general sizzle?

Comments

24788 6

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:06

God, I'm so hungry now. FYL though.

Send a private message

Thursday 7 November 2013 22:14

FYL?! OP was dumb enough to eat something straight out of the oven. OP, Darwin called, he said YDI

PianoManGidley 0

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

So what does it sound like? Just a general sizzle?

Send a private message

Monday 15 March 2010 10:56

well I say this person is full of shit I am a baker and I have out pastry straight from oven into my mouth and it don't burn in the slightest

Send a private message

Monday 20 September 2010 19:40

probably cuz I've done that so many times u have no feeling in ur mouth

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:08

Well...did it still taste good?

emirie 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 November 2013 21:05

He probably couldn't taste anything besides burning flesh

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

Wash it down with some fava beans and a nice chianti. /obscure?

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 August 2010 22:06

no, I'd say the most famous line from on of the most memorable horror movies ever made is pretty obscure O.O fail XD

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:13

Didn't it feel hot when you picked it up? If it was really that hot, you should have dropped it the instant you picked it up...

Send a private message

Monday 10 May 2010 17:00

Ripped it off, not picked it up.

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

Send a private message

Sunday 13 October 2013 1:32

You would still feel the heat 109

misterasdfjkl 0

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:13

what did it sound like??? oh and #3, i think the tongue was burnt too...

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:13

Ouch. Jeeze dude, have some patience.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 February 2010 14:19

But it's like pizza rolls fresh from the microwave, you just can't resist it xD

Send a private message

Monday 27 June 2011 18:58

I love pizza rolls :D

Send a private message

Friday 16 May 2014 10:59

the inside of pizza rolls is LAVA but you have to eat it while they are hot!

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:15

you're an idiot. what temp did you bake the pie at? 350F? so it's that hot when it comes out and you pop some of the pastry into your mouth without letting it cool? YDI

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:24

No big deal. "Pizza mouth" is the half-joking term used by docs and dentists to refer to burns on the cheek and palate. It's nothing major; cell regeneration and replacement in the mouth is fast, so you'll heal up quickly. Just hope you learned a little patience from this.

Send a private message

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:25

8, I think they probably figured that one out. I think everyone's burned the crap out of their mouths at some point OP :)

Send a private message

Saturday 17 April 2010 12:42

some call it a lifestyle

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 42

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 493