Animals: Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 100

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

07/05/2013 20:17

Today, I turned 35. Because I'm still single, my sister bought me a cat to help start my "inevitable collection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 013

You deserved it 6 407

Batman

You tried

Put your back into it

16/01/2009 04:57

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 783

You deserved it 6 224

02/06/2012 23:25

Today, on the bright side, my boobs grew a size. Unfortunately, this was only after bed bugs decided to attack my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 706

You deserved it 3 176

04/10/2016 15:25

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 929

04/01/2011 03:35

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 067

You deserved it 37 266

Good deeds

By Muddyidiot - 06/01/2021 05:01

Today, after I was done testing a group of people for Covid, the universe decided that no, the deed was not good enough. On the way to the bus stop, I slipped and had to ride home covered in mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 102

02/07/2014 17:01

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 707

You deserved it 29 213

08/12/2018 22:00

Today, while enjoying a nice drive on my motorcycle, I got into an accident. I was lucky to have minor injuries, but my bike was totaled. When I got home, I found the driver of the car that hit me sitting in my living room. My partner introduced us by saying, “and this is my gay lover, grandpa.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 109

You deserved it 310

07/06/2011 04:43

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 6 671

22/01/2019 14:00

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 1 151

Cryptic reaction

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:01

Today, I found out I’m pregnant with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year. When I told him, he got down on one knee, cuddled my abdomen and said, "Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 153

27/07/2010 14:43

Spicy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 166

You deserved it 16 531

Support

By CallmeTokey - 12/07/2016 03:21

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 626

You deserved it 15 232

14/11/2010 05:43

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 3 005

18/08/2009 11:47

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 666

You deserved it 9 778

06/06/2015 16:19

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 729

You deserved it 2 120

25/02/2016 22:26

Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 415

You deserved it 1 462

06/03/2010 06:10

Spicy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 605

You deserved it 32 080

07/10/2016 12:51

Today, in an effort to be more active, I jumped out of bed ready for a morning jog. Or, that was the plan. Instead, I twisted my knee so badly standing up, it's now locked, and I can't move it. So much for activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 882

You deserved it 1 320

26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 348

You deserved it 299

Talk is cheap

By Tris - 12/09/2019 16:00

Today, my co-workers keep making fun of me because I said, “You’re very so welcome.” They say it's not proper grammar, but honestly I can’t find anything that says I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 1 986

18/05/2013 18:44

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory". Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 682

You deserved it 5 193

Come on 2021

By Jaclyn Hoffman - 27/12/2020 23:01

Today, I realized how much 2020 has been an FML. We dealt with lockdown, stressful home renovations, losing a job due to health issues, and giant vet bills when we're already in debt up to our eyeballs. This has been a great start to our first year of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 90

17/12/2012 12:25

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 554

You deserved it 4 710

08/06/2011 17:52

Today, while in Holland, I lost the bag with my passport, debit and credit cards, license, and camera. I froze my accounts and filled out the paperwork for a new passport. My bag was found the second time I went to the police, with everything in it. Now my accounts are frozen for the 3 weeks I'm here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 7 213

Overbearing much?!

By lily - 25/06/2020 05:04

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need to go, but my parents told me to "try anyway." I’m 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 342

28/02/2009 20:41

Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 472

You deserved it 3 831

06/05/2016 14:37

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 367

You deserved it 2 779

02/05/2013 11:02

Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 897

You deserved it 55 815

20/08/2015 06:02

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 816

You deserved it 2 593

13/10/2008 08:22

Today, I thought it was yesterday, I went to school for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 414

You deserved it 75 086

06/10/2013 21:54

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 165

You deserved it 4 003

04/10/2012 18:10

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 242

You deserved it 2 324

OK Shaggy

By familydisaster - 05/08/2009 04:13

Today, I was fired from my job at a local family-ran restaurant. The Reason? The owner's daughter has been stealing money from the register little by little and has blamed me for all the lost money. The boss is still convinced it's me, though, because his daughter would "never tell a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 498

You deserved it 2 502

08/06/2014 18:01

Today, my girlfriend sent me a text message confessing that she's been cheating on me. Apparently she regretted telling me the truth, because when I confronted her face-to-face, she claimed her roommate had sent it as a prank. She doesn't have a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 910

You deserved it 4 534

John Tucker would've known what to do.

By Dan - 09/10/2017 04:30

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 2 972

Fundies say the darndest things

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 220

Sobering

By Imnotfromhere - 13/06/2021 16:01

Today, I went to a bar to celebrate my 26th birthday. I got ripped off by the bartender all night because she secretly gave me non-alcoholic versions of my drinks. Apparently I look like I'm 16, so she thought my ID was fake. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 162

Can't compete

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 17:01

Today, my husband told me, "Your job is easy! You do nothing but play and have fun with children all day." Mind you, I'm a toddler teacher and have 10 children in a day. When I come home from work, he complains he’s tired because he was watching our only child who's a toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 87

25/04/2014 21:21

Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 115

You deserved it 11 213

22/07/2011 13:38

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend put a paper bag over my head while we had sex. Her reason? Because she thinks she is so good in bed she was worried I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I fainted due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 768

You deserved it 10 676

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:08

One down. 99 to go

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:13

Better to have no man than a shitty one.

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:08

One down. 99 to go

Send a private message

Thursday 9 May 2013 0:57

I'm almost thirty.. I can start hearing the meows now.. Sighhhhh.

Send a private message

Thursday 9 May 2013 6:40

At least you finally got some pussy!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:08

Well, at least she wants you to be happy!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 8:38

My cat makes me very happy! :)

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 14:23

2 - Not really. OP's sister is either mean or just incredibly stupid. You can't shove that kind of responsibility on people. I really hope OP already kind of wanted a cat, for her sake and the cat's.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 21:48

I get where you're coming from, but cats aren't actually that much responsibility...

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:09

Maybe you're just hard to buy gifts for? Hey at least you have some company now, just don't get the cat 9 more friends :)

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:09

Well you are 35...

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 11:42

which is still young enough to find the right person for her!

Pretty_reckless_fml 18

Send a private message

Thursday 9 May 2013 0:10

Exactly :) anyone of any age can find love, it's never too late!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:10

Well first off happy birthday! Second, you got a cat for your birthday!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:13

I mean she has a point...

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:13

Better to have no man than a shitty one.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 15:24

I couldn't agree more. I hate that it's some kind of social taboo to be single. Most people I see in relationships are miserable together anyway (one of my sources being this site).

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:14

Kill the cat. It will prevent others from giving you cats in the future. hope this advice helped and happy birthday :)

tanekdrachonae 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:14

There is nothing wrong with being single.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 6:01

Unless you're 35, according to OP's sister.

kemic 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 11:10

"It's dangerous to go alone. Take this with you."

TheInvisibleOne 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:15

Hey, free cat!

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:25

The cat may be free, but now op has a feline overlord!

DKjazz 20

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 5:55

I, for one, welcome our feline overlords.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 15:26

Maybe she escaped the initial cost but now she has to pay for cat food and vet bills for the next like 15 years...so unless OP was planning to get a cat already, it's more of a loss financially.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 16:29

No animal is really free when you factor in the cost of taking care of it for the rest of its life, and to "gift" a pet to someone who wasn't already planning to get one is irresponsible and rude. OP's sister sounds like an idiot. And thanks to overpopulation, getting a cat for "free" isn't anything special - I didn't pay a cent to get either of mine, and I wasn't even looking for the second one. I'm happy with the 2 I have, but if someone gave me a pet as a gift now I'd be pissed - that's a huge responsibility to force on someone.

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 19:26

Since when are free cats hard to find?

TheInvisibleOne 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 8 May 2013 21:53

Well, I figured the sister probably got the cat from a shelter or something so it already has its shots and everything, rather than picking some mangy feral thing off the streets.