Miscellaneous: Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet...

By Anonymous - 09/02/2012 21:42 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 947

You deserved it 19 813

Miscellaneous

Best teeth in the game

Another great day to be alive

In vain

By Weter - 30/01/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 871

You deserved it 3 430

By Hanna - 03/04/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 524

You deserved it 4 639

By Anonymous - 26/12/2010 21:32 - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 168

You deserved it 4 449

By Bearwaitressities - 15/02/2017 21:00 - South Africa - Durban

Today, whilst working my waitressing job, I had a patron lose his rag at me because there was too much "green stuff" in his salad. What did he expect? Chicken? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 195

You deserved it 419

By bummer - 25/11/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 648

You deserved it 2 159

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 635

You deserved it 15 079

By Rakayla - 29/06/2019 12:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 209

You deserved it 217

By snore - 19/04/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 598

You deserved it 5 599

By anonymous - 17/12/2013 05:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 986

You deserved it 3 701

By Catfish - 29/03/2018 01:30

Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 568

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 227

You deserved it 23 794

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 627

You deserved it 347

By littlekellilee - 08/03/2012 16:23 - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 807

You deserved it 2 529

Nice girl

By Lithiac - 04/02/2014 06:16 - United States - Ocala

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 500

You deserved it 4 806

By Anonymous - 30/12/2009 04:58 - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 305

You deserved it 3 073

By luh8r - 09/04/2009 14:38 - Canada

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 107

You deserved it 4 674

By Lea - 16/03/2010 13:31 - United States

Today, I dropped my car keys down the elevator shaft at my dorm. I had parked my car at a parking meter, and now had no way to get change out of my car. It took six hours for someone to get my keys, and I now have a $75 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 371

You deserved it 4 867

By eeeee - 14/06/2012 20:40 - United States

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 344

You deserved it 2 691

By obnum - 18/04/2013 14:37 - United States

Today, I met my new girlfriend at her house for the very first time. And her 17 cats, whose names all begin with the letter "K", because they're all "kewl kats." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 728

You deserved it 9 216

By poserpilot - 12/11/2012 15:10 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 437

You deserved it 6 632

By Stepheroni - 13/04/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 407

You deserved it 569

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 881

By ugh - 26/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Troy

Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 3 367

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 458

You deserved it 4 008

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - 11/09/2015 05:57 - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 403

You deserved it 4 877

By Soph - 25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 615

You deserved it 2 859

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, while walking past a homeless man, I heard him comment on the woman in front of me saying, "I should come to this side of town more often, there's some hotties here." Then he saw me and said, "Wait, no, I think I'll stay on the other side of town." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 085

You deserved it 3 961

By keiran123 - 27/06/2013 23:15 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 236

You deserved it 3 317

By Anonymous - 29/08/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 397

You deserved it 4 338

By perenoel - 03/12/2011 16:24 - France

Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 909

You deserved it 6 124

Keep up!

By AstralLuna - 05/03/2021 08:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I, a demigirl struggling with her identity, have decided to change my name. When I told my dad in therapy (of all places) that I was a demigirl, he struggled to understand me. When I told my mom I was changing my name, she yelled at me and refused to call me it. And she wonders why I don't trust her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 967

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 453

You deserved it 14 958

By ColdFoot - 03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 083

You deserved it 2 721

By wetboy - 05/07/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 8 871

By resipsahipsta - 28/06/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 087

You deserved it 24 343

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 3 433

By Broken Leg, Broken Job - 10/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 207

By jsquared - 05/11/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 485

You deserved it 3 112

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 060

You deserved it 36 745

By Jlhfan90 - 03/10/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 795

You deserved it 18 967

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Top comments

SugarCrazy 14

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:33

Why would you even try to flush it?...That's just common sense.

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:32

Sittin on tha toilet!

Every1luvsfmls 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:32

Sittin on tha toilet!

fredrikleijon 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:34

"smack"

Jonkbaby 21

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:42

but girls dont poop

thinkPlNK 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:47

NOW FLUSH!

Petronix 5

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:49

Glad i'm not the only unfortunate soul around here to have seen that. I definitely wondered into a strange part of youtube that night.

AceArctic 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:14

How did I know I was going to see that comment?

Nightvenom 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:26

That is a really bloody "Shit"uation.

evilscorpi 29

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:44

trust us females if there was a flushable pad we would spend money on it.

SecretMe00 5

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:52

I've seen it too 20!

LolFMLnot 10

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:19

Wtf, as a female u should've known that , but you probably had one of those stupid moments. FYL OP.

ohxdamnxkay02 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:58

pads suck ass :/ ..they make you feel like you have a diaper on or something lolol.

gojira666 7

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Friday 10 February 2012 6:24

I love being a man

Phil135 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 8:47

*Looks down to appreciate penis* Life's good...

Jonkbaby 21

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Friday 10 February 2012 9:56

106 they literally do

BradleysMommie 0

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Sunday 12 February 2012 4:48

I totally agree!(:

SugarCrazy 14

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:33

Why would you even try to flush it?...That's just common sense.

Commander223 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:52

Maybe she doesn't want a tampon with shit on it in her purse.

SugarCrazy 14

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:54

25- It wasn't a tampon...And there's this thing called a garbage, maybe you haven't heard of it....

Commander223 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:55

I haven't. Enlighten me on what you call garbage

lebronesque73091 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:58

I'm a guy and know not to do that. Totally your fault.

TXjuggalo972 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:10

Well 30, some would say your comment

DocBastard 38

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:13

Commander, you're just making it worse for yourself. Accept your bad comment and move on.

NerdsWillRule 3

Friday 10 February 2012 1:16

There are flush able pads. Even I know that and I'm a guy.

bri5083 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:23

I've never seen a flushable pad in my life.

Sumo69 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:30

That was comedy that was pretty funny.

Pinkfl0yd 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:13

SugarCrazy, I think you're crazy... Crazy awesome! Let the thumb downs begin!

RadPenny 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:40

it could've been a public bathroom?

GovernorGeneral 8

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:09

77 i think it was or she wouldnt have taken her purse ...or she wouldve had more pads if it was her home xD

jmayinc 3

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:22

If it was a public restroom...dont they normally have those little trash cans specifically for feminine products n such?

sparkrok 8

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:57

70 - and begin, they did!

kelissa_fml 16

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Friday 10 February 2012 6:51

And in the bathrooms don't they sell pads for like $.50?

nicoleclark 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 7:13

52- You look like fucking snookie. Go scrub some layers of make up off..

lishy1311 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 8:32

Everyone knows pads don't get flushed ..

girl112891 7

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Friday 10 February 2012 9:28

I agree. It's an unspoken knowlege us girls usually have. My first thought was "WHY would you try to flush a pad?!" FYI this is a great reason to keep little packs of kleenex in your purse. I come across packs of four to six for 99 cents at the 99 cent store!

Felix_Felicis15 8

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Saturday 11 February 2012 18:19

OP, I'm terribly sorry to say this, but honestly, that was a retarded move. Unless you're twelve years old and you don't know better, then YDI...

MrsYummy42198 0

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Monday 20 February 2012 6:39

YDI I'm 13 and even I know that you don't flush pads.... The nerve of some people

Jrt55 3

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:33

That sucks look at what you're trying to eat

clumsychik 1

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:36

What are you trying to eat?

hellbilly205 17

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:54

I think he meant to reply to the plastic apple FML...

Gorillaz23 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:55

Wrong FML.

ALpein 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:10

Today, I responded to the wrong FML and looked a fool. FML

AceArctic 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:17

No no no! He obviously meant that comment for this FML! Think about it...

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:10

3- that sucks. look at what you're trying to respond to.

P_to_the_AM 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 7:16

Guys! Take it easy on 3! He's obviously an idiot. Number 3, sweetie, listen. There is no diet whatsoever that will make you stop pooping. So take that comment back!

Jonkbaby 21

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Friday 10 February 2012 13:08

lmfao 3 and 28

LianLover 0

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Saturday 11 February 2012 19:20

Umm… pretty sure that you commented on the wrong fml :)

DropDeadSerena 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:34

Shit Luck.

TKmax 5

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:59

Shit comment

EduJav321 24

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:37

Shit reply

Nightvenom 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:03

Shit remark.

sambabyx24 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:19

Lmfao

llamafish 25

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:58

Shit band

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:12

SHIIIIIIIT!!

scruffy_janitor5 1

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Friday 10 February 2012 5:33

C-c-c-combo breaker

AssassinsCRB 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 6:24

Shit stain

Lacalema 21

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Friday 10 February 2012 9:13

112- party pooper

le_troll 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 16:44

Shit picture 57. Real tough..... not.

emmaa3451 11

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Friday 10 February 2012 23:28

139- party shitter

kamikrazy 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:35

Running out of toilet paper sucks. But ydi for throwing your pad down the toilet.

McLovinBearJew 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:35

Wow and only one wipe.. you were dirty in all sorts of places! Time to dash across the house with your pants down

marinus_fml 19

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:14

I'm not sure, but I would tend to believe she wasn't at home. Who in their right mind would take their purse into the bathroom with them when they're at home?

McLovinBearJew 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:59

True.. so I guess then it's time to wait until everyone has left the bathroom and try and dash out into the next stall

Me_You_Us 7

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:18

I dont think its a good idea.. Do that and the door suddendly opens... Tht would definetly happen to someon tht unlucky

desireev 17

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:42

I take my purse to the bathroom! But that would probably be because I have a 10-year-old stepson who has very sticky fingers...

desireev 17

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Friday 10 February 2012 5:32

Yes. I'm married to a 30-year-old man. I've been with him for a while. Is it a crime?! Am I not allowed to marry a 30-year-old man? Or is he not allowed to have a 10-year-old son?

SaMmIMonster96 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 6:40

111- Hunny you do whatever makes you happy.. No matter what other douche faces have to say.. :)

efemel94 7

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:35

That sounds bloody shit

shanemaximo 7

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:36

Hindsight is always 20-20. And a little piss washes out of your undies easier than blood.

rattusrattus 18

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:38

That's one of my mottos. Although most public loos have £1-for-3 tampon/pad/condom machines, in my experience. And most women's bogs have bins for sanitary products too.

lol_ironic_life 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 6:50

Agreed #10, but what if she went #2? :) I think that could also be why she also tried flushing the pad instead of throwing it away. Since who's going walk out to throw a poo pad in the trash? I feel bad for the OP :(