Health: Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal...

By Ouchies - 09/02/2012 17:28 - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 312

You deserved it 2 245

Health

Hiding from the drama

Age difference

Taking stock

By Anonymous - 07/08/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 650

You deserved it 96

By Dulieu - 10/02/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 211

You deserved it 168 122

By "taelor14" - 08/11/2017 01:30

Today, after boarding my flight, the flight attendant looked at me and said that I had to sit elsewhere because I had to be over 14 to sit near the emergency exit. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 326

You deserved it 295

By spermbankonlegs - 16/03/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three days asked if we could start naming our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 559

You deserved it 4 852

By Faithful - 24/11/2011 10:01 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 160

You deserved it 7 702

By jake - 12/08/2014 10:21 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 697

You deserved it 40 602

By Seriously? - 06/01/2014 07:17

Today, I found out my ex boyfriend is still obsessed with me. Apparently he named his dog after me and talks to her like she's a real person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 542

You deserved it 6 512

By Beepbeepbeep - 01/09/2011 02:50 - United States

Today, I lost power. That didn't stop my house alarm from running on battery, loudly informing me in a British accent, "AC power disconnected. BEEP. AC power disconnected. BEEP." It's been going on for 5 hours and the battery takes a special screwdriver to remove. One we don't have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 206

You deserved it 4 326

By mcdman - 19/01/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 894

You deserved it 5 869

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 358

You deserved it 7 336

By tryingatkins - 21/08/2009 09:27 - United States

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 084

You deserved it 7 305

By lonely - 12/04/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 015

You deserved it 7 725

That's no excuse

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 08:00

Today, a customer yelled at me because I wouldn’t sell her a boneless chicken bucket with extra fries, beans, coleslaw and Pepsi. I work at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 20/09/2012 04:14 - United States

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 392

You deserved it 28 934

Keep your secrets, do your own laundry

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, I found out that before my grandma washes my clothes, she smells my underwear to "make sure they're dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 242

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 5 877

By pissedchick - 07/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. We're in the middle of nowhere and have a 4-hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 820

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 14:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, it was the only time in my life that I have ever received an A+ for something. Thank you, eBay buyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 725

You deserved it 19 850

By Sayahh - 07/01/2017 08:07

Today, I pulled a muscle at work doing a cartwheel. I was doing the cartwheel to prove to one of my students that adults can do cartwheels too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 567

You deserved it 3 181

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 07:26 - United States - Blair

Today, I found out that the only reason I'm alive is because my dad beat the living shit out of my mom to stop her getting an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 196

You deserved it 1 867

By Watchyourstep - 20/10/2009 17:11 - France

Today, in front of a bunch of people on my college campus, my mom grabbed my hand and lead me across the street. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 587

You deserved it 4 754

By ripo95 - 26/11/2008 06:18 - France

Today, I put my hand up in class. I forgot that I hadn't shaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 741

You deserved it 46 475

By WhoNose - 06/11/2016 23:52

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 628

You deserved it 742

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 109

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 256

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 12:17 - Australia

Today, I was alone with a work acquaintance at lunch. A noise came from his pocket; he whipped out his iPod Touch and said "Sorry, I have to take this," before walking away with the iPod to his ear. Not only did he not want to talk to me, he thought I was stupid enough to confuse an iPod with a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 629

You deserved it 14 703

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 04:46 - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 2 856

By Duckie W - 13/02/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 620

You deserved it 6 202

By izzy - 15/05/2017 04:00

Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 436

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 229

You deserved it 5 710

By mypelvishurts - 23/02/2013 07:32 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 103

You deserved it 6 611

By Anonymous - 02/11/2014 06:30 - United States - River Falls

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 3 311

Addicted

By oddgrrl99 - 23/07/2013 22:42 - United States - Portage

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 403

You deserved it 4 715

By stanDman - 21/01/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 10 914

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 404

You deserved it 3 859

By mrmidi - 21/05/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 412

You deserved it 4 268

By notgoodenough - 26/10/2016 18:47

Today, I was informed I wouldn't be getting a raise because I hadn't followed the updated protocol. I said I was unaware that there was an updated protocol. My supervisor said, "That's because we didn't tell you about it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 686

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 14:25 - United States - Lawndale

Today, I found out why my teenage daughter won't brush her teeth properly. Apparently my son convinced her that toothpaste has tons of calories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 549

You deserved it 2 641

By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 423

You deserved it 4 132

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 17:18 - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 812

You deserved it 42 190

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Top comments

Jasonf6 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:53

Your sister is a fucking asshole. Get her back.

UrNuckinFuts 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:53

Slap her with your cane till she needs surgery too!

43trauts 14

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:51

Ouch! Hope you didn't burned!

SpicyGrass 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:00

Now you have an excuse to put lotion on your dick.

nickalamb 4

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:08

You what?

My_Sweet_Shadow 4

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:32

I really don't get people, how can anyone say YDI, in this case? I guess there are just some assholes out there :|

SecretMe00 5

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:36

Ya hopefully he didn't get burnt. Idk why he didn't just yell for someone's help.

_Oblivion_ 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:00

Damn man that sucks, just the sergury itself. Hope the burns, if any weren't bad

bri5083 9

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:28

Obviously not, everyone loves scalding hot water.

43trauts 14

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:29

wow I forgot the "get"!

Mauskau 35

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:01

62 why are you bright orange? Are your parents wotsits or something?

_Oblivion_ 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:17

Whos the chackhead that thumbed down me because I accidently spelt "surgery" wrong?

IMaquarkI 3

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:20

Did you kill her?

The_Tool1 13

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:49

That's hot.

cheaptrix 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 3:41

These puns are on fire

drinkPINK 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 16:44

Wow. I feel bad for 62... On every FML that I have been on, where she has commented; somebody always makes some kind of comment about how she looks orange. :/ sorry 62. I feel bad that THAT is your 'natural skin color.'

HollyDolly660 8

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Friday 10 February 2012 19:46

She looks like Snooki.

raghavfyl 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:51

hahaha ouch, stab her...

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:57

Yes. Because that's what I do when someone accidentally effects the water temperature of my showers.

Metzler31 17

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Friday 10 February 2012 0:10

It should be "affects". Sorry, had to say it. Still a pretty funny comment though!

lebronesque73091 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:06

Ouchies, indeed XD

moonlight6654 6

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:34

Bi**h

Namerkp2 8

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:17

66 I believe you mean bitch. Why dont people realize you can curse on this website? SHIT!!

capnbzarr 43

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:40

Actually, @51, although #9 probably did intend to use "affects" (meaning changes), "effects" (meaning causes) also works in this circumstance.

starxshine 0

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:53

100 affect is a verb, effect is a noun. But it was a funny comment :)

Metzler31 17

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Friday 10 February 2012 12:22

No, effect and affect cannot be used interchangeably. #101 already beat me to it, but affect is a verb (to affect the temperature) and effect is a noun (the effect was the water was hot).

funnynesh 10

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Friday 10 February 2012 22:11

2- violence doesn't solve anything! ( doesnt necessarily mean ALL the time)

MiddleThumb 0

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Saturday 11 February 2012 6:35

144- Violence is not the answer, it's the question. The answer is yes.

Jasonf6 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:53

Your sister is a fucking asshole. Get her back.

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:59

^pun intended on that last sentence?

nonamericandolla 6

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:02

That could of been an accident!

bobchickenfart 5

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:32

how do you know her sister didn't just finish taking a shit and flushed the toilet?

downtime 12

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Friday 10 February 2012 2:42

3, Yes because every time I'm on the toilet I'm very aware of the way flushing it will affect the shower in another room.

Blacksxe 1

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:53

Wait until she is showering and do the same to her. You must get your revenge on her.

muzy 23

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:09

yes because most people sit around all day like kratos and say "my vengeance is everything"...

Feklfekl2222 32

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:24

21- I do but I can't speak for anyone else, I'm now plotting my revenge against you because I vaguely disagree with your comment.

muzy 23

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Thursday 9 February 2012 23:30

ohhh such insolence 31. How dare you ?????? i have never, in all of my 52 years...

Cheerieful_fml 2

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Friday 10 February 2012 1:42

But his sister can just get out of the hot water..

5t3ff1k4h 44

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Friday 10 February 2012 4:20

You know, at 52 years old, you'd think you'd understand sarcasm. Hell, even teenagers understand it.

SecretMe00 5

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Friday 10 February 2012 5:20

34 is using sarcasm so I think he understands it. Just a thought.

DrJesse 10

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Friday 10 February 2012 10:50

21-Op could sit around and plot revenge on his/her sister..I mean,there's not a wide range of things to do while recovering from spinal surgery,and plotting revenge is virtually effortless.

UrNuckinFuts 0

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Thursday 9 February 2012 22:53

Slap her with your cane till she needs surgery too!

drinkPINK 4

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Friday 10 February 2012 16:52

5 - Oh my god! Your comment made my day! I can't stop laughing! :))) Alsooo, I had surgery a week ago so I can totally relate. It sucks! :( Sorry OP. Beat her with that cane! ;)