Miscellaneous: Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and...

By what - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Taking stock

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

By womboman - United States

Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML

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By JackieD - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

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42018

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By -_____- - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

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49917

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By Santa - United States - Cocoa

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

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By Cheese4men - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

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By dacara6415 - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States

Apocalypse Now

Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML

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By bouncekitty - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

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31314

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By CallaC - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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1475

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By downinthedumps - United States - Detroit

Today, I went to take a piss in a public bathroom. Somehow, I managed to completely jam the lock. After minutes of trying to get myself out, I gave up and crawled under the stall, at which point someone walked in and was very surprised to see me on the floor. FML

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By It'd be nice to see you too. - United States - Minneapolis

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

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By BatWife - United States - New London

Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantel. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML

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4816

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By welted - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

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By stickyface - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

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By muffincakess - France

Today, I went to buy some spray paint for a project. I've never used a spray can before, so I decided to try it on paper provided. Unfortunately I didn't hold the can the right way and ended up with black, permanent, paint all over my face in the middle of a store. FML

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By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

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477

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By BeanThereRuinedThat

Bean.

Today, my partner proposed to me during an anniversary dinner at a small, quiet Italian restaurant near where we live. We'd never been before, but the food was great, and the staff lovely. It all would have been perfect, if not for the dozens of pictures of Mr. Bean which covered every wall. FML

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By akasoor - Canada - Hythe

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

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30145

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

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30328

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By Anonymous

Today, I was cuddling with the girl I've been seeing for the past few months. She was saying how much she liked me and how much I meant to her. Reciprocating those feelings, I asked her to be my girlfriend. It was a HARD no for her. Then she drove me an hour and a half home. FML

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3124

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By scared - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I finally went to the doctor's about my severe anxiety. I am so used to putting on a happy performance around people that she didn't believe anything was wrong with me. FML

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By Jer - United States

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

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By nano123

Played yourself

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today I returned home after a semester at university. I guess I did too good a job of getting into shape as my parents phoned the police, thinking I was a burglar. FML

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By frozensolid - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

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By SecondBest,IGuess - United States

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

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By JT - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

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By RIPcareer - United States - Ellicott City

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

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By Colin Jr. - United States

Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML

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24710

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By broken finger - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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By atetoeate - United States

Today, while trying to give an immunization to a "special" 13-year-old, I got spit on, kicked, almost bitten, and had a chair thrown at me. When it was all over, I flinched when the patient tried to hug me. Her mom called me a "b*tch" and I later found out she wasn't a "special" child. FML

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39208

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By Mouse

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

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By mammamia - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

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25317

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By Lexy

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

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2960

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By Hopelesshomeless - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I moved back to my home town. My best friend and I had arranged to rent a house together that we both liked. I finished my last day at work and made the three-hour drive, only for her to break down and tell me that she isn't "ready" to move out of her parents' basement. She's 25. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

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14600

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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34636

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By Eyalsh - Germany - Greifswald

Today, I came back to my dormitory after a long shift at work. After using the toilet, I looked at myself in the mirror, only to find a huge piece of food stuck between my front teeth. I work at one of the fanciest restaurants in town; nobody bothered to tell me anything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

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Top comments

By Mirorbo | 26

#1757408 - Saturday 27 November 2010 2:16

I'm going to assume the giggling darlings are the types that make themselves look like the covers of fashion magazines. Not every woman looks like a model, and there's nothing wrong with that. From my experience, most of the most beautiful of darlings are absolutely nasty at heart.

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1757199 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:24

Don't worry Mr Garrison, you're beautiful.

COMMENTS

By Sholloway | 0

#1757167 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:16

ouch! :p

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1757235 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:36

Maybe they're just uptight bitches? Or you really do look like a man, in which case, shave your face, and put on some lipstick.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1757241 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:38

lose the dress. find some briefs

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1757356 - Saturday 27 November 2010 2:01

Yeah, same happens to me whenever I wear a dress, probably why I never do. Thankfully I do in fact have a penis, so it wouldn't bother me.

And I agree with 13, if you look like a dude and don't like it, shave your chin, hide your balls, grow your hair out, grow some titties(: endless possibilities, although they may just think you're a tranny in the end! :P

It's worth a shot!

moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1757618 - Saturday 27 November 2010 3:24

HEEE.... HEEEE..... Look-a like-a man

cwhitney11 | 4

#1757639 - Saturday 27 November 2010 3:32

You, my friend, win with a rucka quote.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#1757706 - Saturday 27 November 2010 4:00

Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola lo-lo-lo-lo Lola

raaachel12345 | 0

#1757868 - Saturday 27 November 2010 5:16

I love Rucka Rucka Ali!! :D

Sholloway | 0

#1757875 - Saturday 27 November 2010 5:19

I posted three comments and the lame one showed up?!?

FunwithBumperCar | 0

#1757990 - Saturday 27 November 2010 6:34

Next time you have to renew your curves membership...don't.

furburger | 0

#1758289 - Saturday 27 November 2010 9:17

Hey #12... How many times are they "walking away"?

Department of Redundancy is redundant...

alipod | 11

#1759163 - Saturday 27 November 2010 14:03

always happen to me. i use my fml iphone.

_SUPAFLY22_ | 0

#3095775 - Friday 12 August 2011 21:04

_SUPAFLY22_ | 0

#3095777 - Friday 12 August 2011 21:04

By BadMofeelius | 0

#1757169 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:16

sucks

By Asilum | 0

#1757175 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:19

wowsers lmao

By kierbobo | 0

#1757177 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:19

wow uh shave you legs or something? it's actually not the uncommon. so atleast your not all ^_^

By funktown | 2

#1757179 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:19

yeesh. u must look bad in that dress

By abbeymcnally | 0

#1757193 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:22

Are you really that flat chested?

moosemonkey1000 | 6

#1757439 - Saturday 27 November 2010 2:27

haha!!

Nadinek98 | 0

#1757936 - Saturday 27 November 2010 6:02

man boobs (:

lgs25 | 0

#1758314 - Saturday 27 November 2010 9:30

and you aren't

By MermaidSongXOXO | 6

#1757195 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:23

How many gender-bender FMLs have there been now? Next, please!

metal8214 | 0

#1757518 - Saturday 27 November 2010 2:49

i find a few of them funny, but you are right, there are too many

By smokeymcpottt | 3

#1757199 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:24

Don't worry Mr Garrison, you're beautiful.

Judus_beej | 0

#1757779 - Saturday 27 November 2010 4:33

eek a penis is one of southparks best episodes lol

By glorialaura21 | 8

#1757201 - Saturday 27 November 2010 1:25

Well that's what you get for trying to get a makeover, Getting a pixie cut, and getting your make up done at MAC. Now you look like a transvestite emo boy. fyl