Love: Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 69

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 112

06/07/2013 11:26

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 617

You deserved it 6 780

There's no helping some people

Triage

Freaked out

Cheap-ass perv!

By Allison Arsenault - 07/06/2020 08:08

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 427

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 00:01

Today, after finishing work and collecting my bag from my locker, I yawned as my manager came to ask me a question. She yelled at me for yawning. She then told others that I have a chronic yawning problem at work and need medical intervention. I can't even yawn once after a long tiring day on my own time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 61

22/07/2012 04:50

Today, my boss bitched at me because my body language "indicates that you don't enjoy doing your job". I just have scoliosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 030

You deserved it 1 751

29/08/2015 19:10

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 2 345

19/03/2012 20:18

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 443

You deserved it 7 867

14/10/2009 03:25

Today, I was so bored, I sewed my name into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 515

You deserved it 13 841

18/11/2011 11:17

Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 945

You deserved it 2 586

10/01/2013 03:15

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 335

You deserved it 3 293

25/11/2015 02:59

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 171

You deserved it 1 509

28/11/2015 05:25

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 864

You deserved it 1 952

22/06/2012 14:11

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 676

You deserved it 3 699

08/08/2016 15:45

Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 508

You deserved it 3 533

23/07/2016 06:52

Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went over and helped her up. Instead of thanking me, she called me a pervert and slapped me around with her cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 081

You deserved it 1 182

06/12/2016 04:46

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 587

You deserved it 3 925

16/10/2011 21:08

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 185

You deserved it 7 886

07/01/2011 08:41

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. You would think he could at least spell my name right while ending our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 467

You deserved it 3 802

18/07/2011 19:40

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 2 961

28/08/2010 04:54

Today, I decided to wear string panties. While in line at the mall, they became untied. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 39 072

02/01/2009 05:37

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend saying: "Do you remember last time we slept together?", I answer straight away "Of course I do, it was great!". To which she replies: "I hope you made the most of it: it was the last". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 206

You deserved it 2 681

Maybe he is gay!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2017 05:00

Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 34

20/07/2019 09:00

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 458

You deserved it 168

19/09/2010 23:55

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 5 179

10/06/2012 19:50

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, saying he had to move away to be with his dad, who's just been diagnosed with cancer. After talking to his sister, I discovered that not only is his dad healthy, he's not moving away either; he's just gotten back with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 429

You deserved it 2 533

31/08/2011 14:23

Spicy

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 650

You deserved it 11 196

02/06/2015 21:02

Today, I got woken up and kicked out of bed. Apparently if I cheat in her dreams it still counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 601

You deserved it 3 162

05/08/2010 20:30

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 473

You deserved it 4 536

01/03/2009 06:58

Spicy

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 88 929

21/11/2012 05:48

Spicy

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 726

You deserved it 3 846

02/08/2011 04:13

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 380

You deserved it 9 126

21/04/2018 19:00

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 907

You deserved it 614

27/12/2018 16:00

Today, the guy I've fallen for and have been dating on and off for 2 years told me that he kept contacting me to re-connect because he missed hanging out with me, but didn't actually have any feelings for me. I already paid for a non-refundable weekend away as his Christmas present for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 735

You deserved it 631

12/09/2013 14:44

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 631

You deserved it 4 557

OCD FML

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 06:01

Today, my teeth feel dirty. Just go brush them, right? Actually, I just did. Thoroughly and meticulously, for several minutes, until both my arm and my gums hurt. Yep, still feel dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 194

17/02/2013 22:44

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 836

You deserved it 4 491

25/06/2011 07:47

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 640

You deserved it 2 973

20/11/2009 13:56

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 40 571

21/07/2016 11:20

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 583

You deserved it 2 718

20/04/2013 21:17

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 753

You deserved it 3 855

27/02/2011 21:46

Today, I went to my first ever high school party with music, drinks, and dancing. Within a few minutes of taking my first ever shot of tequila, I was in the worst pain in my life. My parents were called and I had to be taken to the hospital. I'm alcohol intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 965

You deserved it 13 952

15/05/2012 10:49

Today, after winning a major photography competition with the prize of an expensive workshop with a top photographer, I learned that my crazy stalker has paid the £250 workshop costs, and will travel 5 hours just to be there with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 229

You deserved it 2 024

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Top comments

KeXu 6

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Find someone giving you the glare and say "hey, that person over there looks like she'd give you a chance."

Miss_Stunshine 1

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Maybe he studies psychology and is VERY good at what he does...

Comments

worldclassrager 39

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:04

Did you give in?

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:14

nothing says sexy like a groveling stranger...although im sorry OP got put in the situation.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:57

peer pressure at its finest.

queendeadjesters 2

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Saturday 6 July 2013 18:44

You are obligated to give him what he wants so YDI.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 19:40

YDI. He asks you out and gets rejected. You get accusing stares as a result of your own actions. Sounds fair to me.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 19:42

So you're saying I can't decline a random guy's/gal's request to have my number? I thought I could make my own decisions, but apparently not.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 19:43

you must get rejected alot huh

AestheticGuy 21

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Tuesday 9 July 2013 5:01

I'm pleasantly surprised! I was totally expecting a myriad of dumb pathetic 'Maybe you should give him a chance' comments.

Miss_Stunshine 1

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Maybe he studies psychology and is VERY good at what he does...

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Saturday 6 July 2013 21:53

Or he needs to talk to a psychologist about self esteem issues.

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Monday 8 July 2013 0:32

#79-"Shotgun.Mouth.Blam"

loving_him_only 0

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Monday 8 July 2013 3:43

Lol

KeXu 6

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:05

Find someone giving you the glare and say "hey, that person over there looks like she'd give you a chance."

fuckedPriceless 17

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Saturday 6 July 2013 20:09

She should have just told everybody she was already engaged to someone :)

whyamievenhere 11

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Saturday 6 July 2013 20:36

She shouldn't have to tell anyone anything. No should be enough. But people are assholes.

Mads_1234 28

Sunday 7 July 2013 20:27

Or the OP could give him the number to Pizza Hut/ rejection hotline.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:06

Well...as sad as that is, you can't really give in to stuff like that...A no simply means no.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 20:16

Sad? I think downright creepy is now accurate!

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Saturday 6 July 2013 23:41

Eh I wouldn't say creepy myself. It would be creepy if he grabbed OPs leg and begged or something along those lines, but he was just sad and crying over it.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:08

I wonder which number you are. 35?200?

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:47

Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen, he was #1

HortonThelephant 15

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Saturday 6 July 2013 21:36

I genuinely wish I could up vote you more than once. Thanks for brightening my day!

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

He sounds like a pussy, but it's unfortunate you had to be the bearer of glares

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

Perdix, leave OP alone! At least, I assume it was you.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:15

No, it wasn't perdix. Perdix would have walked up to the girl, dramatically removed his ever-present sunglasses, and made a crude joke about his sexual prowess. It works for him every time.

anythingmustbe 18

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:17

Perdix doesn't even have sex. By simply talking about his sexual prowess the woman becomes pregnant.

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:22

#7, never ASSUME, or you will make an ASS out of U and ME. And I make an ASS out of ME just fine without any help. Getting a number is not my M.O., if a girl hasn't fled in horror or disgust, I try to seal the deal then and there, and not give her time to think things through.

perdix 29

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:29

#18, just my luck! The DNA match and the court-ordered child support payments without the sexual gratification. Yay, me!

graceinsheepwear 33

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Saturday 6 July 2013 21:35

18, I am pretty sure perdix is smart enough to make sure that his freedom of speech is protected. His smooth tongue may get the ladies going but I doubt he would risk creating junior perdi (that's plural for perdix, grammar nazis, not a typo).

KazuTrumpet1512 21

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Sunday 7 July 2013 11:15

I'm pretty sure it would be Perdices.

anythingmustbe 18

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

Well maybe it is because he is such a big baby. Tell him to man the fuck up and then maybe he will be able to get a date.

saIty 17

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:09

1) Get a puppy 2) Name him Chance 3) Give him Chance 4) He finally gets a Chance

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:12

That joke has been used more times than your moms dildo.

anythingmustbe 18

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:15

Woah dude. Chill the fuck out.

saIty 17

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:21

If you're looking for my comeback you can scrape it off of your mother's teeth

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:51

You didn't make a joke about dinkleberg???

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Saturday 6 July 2013 19:31

Does anyone have cold water I can borrow?

graceinsheepwear 33

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Saturday 6 July 2013 22:38

21, your profile pic makes your comment that much better. Well done.

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Saturday 6 July 2013 16:12

thats when you just walk away