Love: Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I...

By Anonymous - 12/05/2014 00:14 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 733

You deserved it 7 797

Love

Our house, in the middle of our street

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By lily389 - 21/03/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 229

You deserved it 4 066

By Webmonkey - 08/01/2009 13:30 - United States

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 198

You deserved it 2 023

By waymoreiwanted - 15/02/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 838

You deserved it 9 586

You sure it was your birthday?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 04:53

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 125

By alostr1 - 06/02/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470

You deserved it 2 482

By acnebutt - 27/08/2011 22:30 - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 561

You deserved it 5 400

By Boarder - 01/06/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I was riding a longboard down a hill and I fell off. I was all scraped up so I made sure to clean my wounds and put bandages on them. Turns out I'm allergic to the glue on the bandages and I have itchy hives all over and around my open wounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 221

You deserved it 5 436

By Frustation - 30/07/2012 13:00 - United States

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 804

You deserved it 1 785

By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 927

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 3 831

By jdawn99 - 22/10/2013 14:24 - United States - Arkansas City

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 558

You deserved it 3 197

By trafficfail - 01/06/2011 16:43

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 2 808

By anon - 21/04/2009 08:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 026

You deserved it 4 912

By hannamacintosh - 07/07/2016 18:37 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I finally decided to accept a date proposal from a guy who's had a crush on me for years. I got into his car, and it smelled strongly of my middle school perfume. I went into his bedroom and saw my middle school class photos hanging everywhere. Let's just say I ran home that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 154

You deserved it 962

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 17:24

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 772

You deserved it 2 344

By Aberrombie Blue - 18/04/2013 23:01 - United States - Durham

Today, I was at my little girl's concert. She plays the clarinet, and in the middle of her solo, her phone started ringing. She decided to stop, check her phone, and continue playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 806

You deserved it 14 090

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 22:00

Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 985

You deserved it 617

By Anonymous - 20/09/2014 15:28 - Sweden - Kung?lv

Today, I looked up my childhood bully on Facebook, hoping she'd gone fat and ugly. Turns out she's drop-dead gorgeous and very successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 033

You deserved it 14 034

By LunaCrow - 10/02/2015 02:32 - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 399

You deserved it 3 112

By Ella - 24/07/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 333

You deserved it 28 189

By congrats grad - 08/06/2013 05:12 - United States - Panorama City

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 936

You deserved it 3 394

By CHEERS, TUMBLTARD - 13/09/2013 21:31

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 735

You deserved it 12 498

By bad luck skier - 30/12/2013 20:28 - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 891

You deserved it 3 483

By mimi - 27/09/2011 02:51 - United States

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 655

You deserved it 35 668

By Ghettogirl4life - 12/07/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 963

You deserved it 3 157

Heavy traffic

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 14:00

Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 02/08/2015 05:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina is "as clean as a dog's mouth." I'm not sure if that supposed to be a compliment or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 623

You deserved it 3 483

By Debbie - 23/02/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 331

You deserved it 8 902

By idiotfriend - 16/06/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I rented some movies in attempts to cheer up my best friend. Her husband just died a few weeks ago in a helicopter accident. I was in a rush and didn't read the descriptions of the two films, one was about a plane crash where all the passengers died. She cried through the entire movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 699

You deserved it 87 608

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 202

By useless bosses - 27/02/2017 08:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 525

You deserved it 396

By asthmasucks - 19/09/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 113

You deserved it 3 577

By anonymous - 30/06/2016 05:27 - United States - Forney

Today, I was started my week of camping alone in the woods. I took my shoes off to go to sleep, but I had to come out to get water. I stepped on a wasp, and while I was standing on one foot looking at the sting, I realized I was in an ant pile. I'm allergic to both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 159

You deserved it 2 414

By Anonymous - 03/10/2015 10:57 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 151

You deserved it 2 301

By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 19:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 889

You deserved it 13 813

By catastrophy - 19/11/2016 09:20

Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 776

You deserved it 1 308

By Anonymous - 07/12/2014 19:20 - Ireland - Galway

Today, while clearing stuff out of the basement, I found my ex-wife's old electronic diary device from the '90s. I found the charger, powered it up, and had soon read all about out she'd been cheating on me for almost half our marriage with the guy she's now married to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 3 661

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a snake while I was watering. I got my son to check it out and he agreed too. I was nervous so I called animal control, and they said it would cost $50 just for them to come out, I agreed. It ends up I paid $50 for them to pick up an old diamond weave farmer's hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 534

You deserved it 42 736

By fakelaugher - 20/12/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 251

You deserved it 24 238

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 035

You deserved it 6 025

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Pleonasm 35

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:14

He wasn't able to go out with you but he was still able to dump you.

SharnaaaBanana 22

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:13

That's disgusting. Who does that.

Stargenx 6

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:11

It's how you tell people you don't want them in the neighborhood.

GirlGamer12345 22

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 12:58

*tells neighbors* "see that guy? I don't want him here" Please tell me what that would even do?

ScarlieC 25

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 13:22

#1, thanks for the Cartman advice. Have forgotten all about that South Park episode until now.

incoherentrmblr 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 May 2014 6:23

Thumb this down for no reason...

DaLiquer 20

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:12

Someone should've rubbed his face in that shit!

Demig0d6 14

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 19:46

And make him eat it

addictedtosorrow 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 May 2014 5:36

Actually that's a little too far.

incoherentrmblr 21

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 May 2014 6:25

At least it wasn't in a bag and on fire...

SharnaaaBanana 22

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:13

That's disgusting. Who does that.

xlord 27

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:29

Apparently the guy who asked for OP's phone number.

Enslaved 36

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 14:08

Or the number he was asking for was her #2?

sweetest_jenn 18

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 16:59

He was butt hurt about getting rejected.

badluckalex 23

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 20:14

I do that with friends to fuck wth people we dont like XD

bfsd42 20

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 20:49

85, you are an idiot.

moonzombie 13

Send a private message

Sunday 25 May 2014 4:09

#85, are you twelve?

amazingrose 4

Send a private message

Friday 6 June 2014 18:52

idiots that have really gros minds I guess

izzie321 27

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:13

Well.... Shit.

Pleonasm 35

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:14

He wasn't able to go out with you but he was still able to dump you.

warsun 27

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 13:50

And this is why I love this guy

\ 28

Monday 12 May 2014 17:03

"Hit on Debra!" (Like a boss) "Get rejected!" (Like a boss) "Shit on Debra's desk!" (Like a boss)

schadenfreud 6

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:15

were you even buying tp?

brandoneyez1 25

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:19

I guess he is no longer interested either!!!

Mynamewontfi 40

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:21

Well, that's an original way of him to show that he's not pleased.

zandalee 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 13 May 2014 3:12

Imagine if OP was engaged to this guy and broke it off... Would he hunt her down and attack her? Sounds like a mentally unbalanced person to me. I would probably report him to the police.

lbrown66 12

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 11:26

What a shitty situation! ....I'm sorry

Puffytruffles 18

Send a private message

Monday 12 May 2014 13:00

Your death shall be honoured, soldier. Look here everyone, a brave soul who's courageously taken the shot for his comrades. Yours and the inevitable sacrifices of future comrades will never be forgotten. Lest we forget.