Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee.... - FML

By notnerb - 19/5/2009 10:13 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

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Messed up

Serious times

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By anon - 25/3/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

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By Pookaa - 5/10/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

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By brileyyyy - 12/1/2010 03:40 - United States

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

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By Jaggu - 29/4/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 17:46 - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2019 20:00

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2014 16:13 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

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By x - 12/11/2012 02:16 - United States - Lake Placid

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

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By captainlame - 21/3/2013 05:59 - United States

Today, I returned from a 5-day cruise for my senior spring break, filled with gorgeous sorority girls from all over the country. I was seasick the whole time. FML

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By fishoutofwater - 3/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

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By bethany - 3/11/2011 17:36 - Australia

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

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By Carla J. - 19/12/2008 05:41 - France

Today, I got ready to stay over at my boyfriend's house. I brought food, new lingerie, and I got a bikini wax. I did stay overnight, but I was holding a bucket for him because he had gastroenteritis. FML

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By candy man - 4/9/2014 19:32 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

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By someone72 - 22/3/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

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By tingleballs - 28/4/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2012 19:55 - Canada

Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

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By houdini - 3/2/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2019 00:01

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

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By nonexistant - 29/10/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2016 13:38 - United States

Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML

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By singleasapringle - 13/3/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

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By Drew - 30/11/2014 03:20 - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

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By Disappointed - 30/5/2015 20:05 - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By scarred - 22/10/2009 12:30 - France

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

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By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/5/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

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By IHaveTwoOwies - 6/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

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By BruisedPride - 10/9/2019 12:00

Tumblr

Today, I fell down concrete stairs trying to plug my computer into an outlet. I now have a twisted ankle, scrape on my elbow and a huge scratch across my laptop. The best part? The outlet wasn't even working. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

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By Gemma - 6/1/2012 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother thought it would be a good idea to tell me that I was conceived on an airplane toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2016 15:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer filed a complaint against me because my coworker took too long to do a price check. I hate my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2016 03:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

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By Foot In Mouth - 13/7/2016 02:46 - United States - Bentonville

Today, while meeting a new client, their assistant said I looked familiar. Before my brain could stop me, I blurted out, "I do porn." FML

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By Duchess - 20/1/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

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By fuck my eyeballs - 1/12/2013 23:07 - United States - Rancho Palos Verdes

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

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Top comments

By lucyford | 0

#211803 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:03

owned. you didn't... like, exchange photos beforehand?
oh, internet dating. what a waste of breathe.

By Engineer_Chick | 0

#211813 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:05

Don't most dating sites have a picture of yourself. Was it honest?

COMMENTS

By NoKo_fml | 0

#211801 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:03

must be butt ugly then, FYL

Reply

Girreth | 7

#1435417 - Tuesday 21 September 2010 14:21

YDI for coffee-ing

By jasax1 | 0

#211802 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:03

That really sucks. :(

Reply

pooley | 0

#983037 - Wednesday 21 April 2010 14:44

because OP's ugly!

Reply

m0tl3ycru3 | 0

#3533310 - Thursday 3 November 2011 0:10

At least OP's beautiful on the inside

By lucyford | 0

#211803 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:03

owned. you didn't... like, exchange photos beforehand?
oh, internet dating. what a waste of breathe.

By suckerz | 0

#211807 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:03

FYL cuz you meet people on dating sites

Reply

DDbaconcrazy | 1

#3484157 - Monday 24 October 2011 23:17

Omg so true

By suaveneanderthal | 0

#211809 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:04

lol thats why you actually go out and meet people face to face first! go to a club or something damn don't just sit behind your computer all day and hope the right guy falls into your lap, because if he's online like you are then he's probably a loser just like you!

By pinkducttape | 0

#211812 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:04

he sounds materialistic. better luck with the next guy!

By Engineer_Chick | 0

#211813 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:05

Don't most dating sites have a picture of yourself. Was it honest?

By Devikarawr | 0

#211821 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:07

Wow, thats really mean of him!!

By jm88 | 0

#211840 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:13

Next time don't be dishonest with pictures.

By kscott88 | 0

#211845 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 20:14

Whatever, clearly not worth your time.