Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
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Top comments
JtotheZ 0
I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.
ChocolateEclaire 0
Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...
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Comments (108)
candyman360 0
First!
JuliaM1000 10
WIN!!!!!
theFMLwhore5 0
omfg yes. you have a best ******* friend! it's amazing :D
Freeze_fml 17
^ I think I'm reading that incorrectly... ...
robertdr 0
i am sensitive i like commitment and changing myself
TibbysMusic 1
BEST best friend ever!! Oh and for the kid problem just send the bird to your room for the time, or your best friends house(:
LiveThenDie 2
29 you don't seem to realize how loud birds can get or how demanding they can be...
quent10 0
awesome ! :D
BahBah_The_Sheep 0
Anyone else think this person is absolutely stunning? (#23)
hobo_lowbo 0
#34 your kitty looks pissed off
skroal 7
YDI for returning from Holiday, and finding out your best friend taught your parrot dirty phrases for fun. You can't get it to shutup, and your niece and nephew are coming over soon.
isaiaha11 2
kill it
thorfinntheassri 0
YDI for dividing by zero
cincin75 0
Easy solution: eat it.
BahBah_The_Sheep 0
Hehe, I put the kittie picture up to hint at a solution I have thought of. ;)
bamditzki 0
lol why is this fml? its funny!
twinny_sc 13
60, I don't get it.
number0 8
YDI for having friends
MyChemical_fml 0
O.O... Three days grace? :D?
tweetbaby14 18
doesn't the whole thick blanket over the cage trick stupid birds into thinking it's night? if not just serve it as dinner. such simple solutions.
MnBran6 0
76, welcome to the Internet.
Emily9352 13
48, OH MY GOD shut the **** up!!
Brittney_E 0
wouldve done the same :]
Austino713 0
Kill the bird like in Dumb and Dumber with Jim Carrey :P
jrp11 0
:)
imaBaLIFEGUARD 2
haha second!
catalystics 2
don't worry kids these days learn bad words within 6 months of being born
Cjw1220 0
OMG I got modded for saying 6th and you are still there? FML is really making me mad
Freeze_fml 17
Let me get a tiny violin for you.
lalagurl5 0
ikr the support team made me mad too! and OP just tell it to shut to the up or u will starve him
kenshinjapan 2
third!
ALindsey 0
Hahaha that is amazing =D FYL
yarbles 3
just kill the bird
That_Guy_Jake_JR 0
Agree with 4 you're gonna have to kill it.
AninOnin 24
Put it in the fridge.
JtotheZ 0
I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.
Hosea11 0
Learn to spell.
Cjw1220 0
6th is better than 1st
Cjw1220 0
Moderated In 2 minutes, a new record
ChocolateEclaire 0
Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...
ohhmyjeez 0
I love your best friend.
Freeze_fml 17
Are you sure your friend taught the parrot those words? Could have overheard what was going on in the house.
Middrslife 0
One facial expression needed: :D
Foxracingluver 0
it's simple: shoot the bird