Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
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Top comments
JtotheZ 0
I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.
ChocolateEclaire 0
Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...
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Comments (108)
Karp16 3
why is she your bestfriend?
wiird0 0
what's with all this "comment moderated" shit???
Trollz4daLULZ 2
YDI for having a bird that talks and expecting anything different to happen. YDI for having nieces and nephews. YDI for saying "holiday". I concur with the previous posters who say to eat the bird.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Invest in an audiobook to play on repeat whenever you're gone. Props if you can get the bird to do some Dr. Seuss tongue twisters!
cody123124 0
I think that's really nice of your friend!
ouch1990 0
Kill the bird and buy a new one
flgirlwguitar 2
Don't say those lines and don't react to them. The bird will eventually forget them. You can always fudge things a little - I know someone who convinced their mother that his bird says "Lucky You" all the time.
Seastone 9
I agree. You should try to make the bird unlearn it, or you could teach it something similar, but not dirty. You can't react in any way when it says the words, because in a parrot's mind, any reaction is a good reaction. No hitting, no yelling, no shushing. Don't even move at all. Just talk on like the bird didn't say it at all. Also, to everyone saying "Kill it," a parrot with the capacity to learn to speak multiple phrases clearly in a brief period of time, such as when OP was on holiday, is not going to be a cheap bird. Only the larger birds tend to be clear speakers and have the capacity to learn that quickly. Smaller birds, from budgies to conures, can speak, but it is not clear and takes them quite a while to learn. If it's clear enough to worry about, it's probably a valuable bird. Well, it was, but learning to cuss devalues parrots quite a bit. As a parrot owner, I know how angry I'd be. Just take some time with the bird though, OP, and you can probably fix the situation.
Trollz4daLULZ 2
Expensive = delicious. Eat it.
imMuSICK 0
kids: ooo a parrot! parrot: wanna suck my dick?
BrittanyBamWooo 0
smart bird :))).
CounselorHugh 0
#Wut?