Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
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Top comments
JtotheZ 0
I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.
ChocolateEclaire 0
Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...
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Comments (108)
Tahsis 4
This isn't intimacy FFS. It's either kids or misc.
Playdoh95 0
well time to get the pistol..
KikiCarroll 0
gotta admit, if I had access to a parrot, I'd teach it dirty things too! what's the point of a parrot if it can't say "**** me hard". none, there is no point.
EmoLuvsHugs 2
LOL! and just put the parrot in your room or something.
justj2010 0
warn the kids' parents. that's all u can do besides laugh. asss hooooole
hobo_lowbo 0
time to make a big pot of parrot stew for the cat
charbz 0
#19 I lol'd
yaysmile 0
that is way to funny
lawlatyourfml 0
so get rid of the bird? YDI for having a talking ****** bird. put it somewhere the kids wont see or hear it
mR_StAtiiC 0
Ydi for not telling your friend not to do that. :)