Today, when I returned from holiday, I discovered my best friend taught my parrot dirty phrases for fun. I can't get her to shut up and my little niece and nephew are coming over in three days. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
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Top comments
JtotheZ 0
I did the same thing with my grandmas parrot but I thought it Spanish bad words. ;P she doesn't know Spanish.
ChocolateEclaire 0
Put a blanket on its cage so it sleeps and won't cuss. Make sure the kids don't get in that room though...
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Comments (108)
blooglekoogle 0
it's called duct tape my friend. duct tape.
Thekid2318 1
Kill the bird, problem solved. :p
mccutie396 0
lol!
PanMingshul 0
dang, the amount if people saying "kill it, problem solved" had me thinking I'd accidentally wandered onto /b/.
jaguar45b 7
Polly wants a what??....
myersch 2
hahahaha ur a sucker jerk
x_the_lancer_x 13
Well, worse case scenario, you can always scare the heck out of them if they are young enough and say that if they ever say anything the parrot says they will never see their parents again or something that will scare them. I know it's mean but it could work, also if they say it anyway and it doesn't happen they will never trust you again.... :P
Johnatron 18
Your friends a legend.
MrsHumanFrog 19
the only good kind of birds are Baked, Broiled, or Fried.