Love and Work: Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at... - FML

By Sugartits - 08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 022

You deserved it 381

Triage

There's no helping some people

Legalize it!

By innocent - 19/04/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 363

You deserved it 319

Merry Christmas

By Jules - 23/12/2020 11:01 - Germany

Today, I'm unemployed and just had to move. My country’s unemployment agency considers that the ideal moment to invite me for a talk about my job search activities is smack dab in the middle of Christmas vacation, while I’m still busy unpacking moving boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 142

What the…?

By lordoftheweird - 29/07/2021 10:59

Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 606

You deserved it 6 372

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 379

You deserved it 5 607

By Anonymous - 30/06/2015 12:56 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I was at my best friend's wedding. As she threw the bouquet, I was punched in the face by another bridesmaid. Later, as I was explaining what had happened, I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 314

You deserved it 7 738

By Anonymous - 02/01/2014 02:32 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I finally got proof of my theory when the dog came downstairs at 2 in the morning, looked me dead in the eye, pissed on the rug and took my socks before disappearing back upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 500

You deserved it 4 274

By nicole - 27/05/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 325

You deserved it 78 334

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 251

You deserved it 3 870

By Chard of Glass - 04/10/2016 12:45 - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 600

You deserved it 1 155

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 710

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 318

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 05:04

Today, after 25 years, I quit drinking. It wasn’t worth it. My life and everyone around me still sucked. So I started up again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 614

AAA, hello?

By JFC! - 31/03/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I was forced to look on in utter horror as an old lady backed out of her parking space, kept going well past the turning point, and slammed straight into my car, putting a dent in the front and shattering the headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 647

You deserved it 3 083

By Username - 01/06/2011 08:09 - Singapore

Today, the elevator in my apartment building broke down. I live on the 30th floor and am still climbing the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 4 376

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 03:51 - Australia

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 197

You deserved it 3 052

School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 15/06/2019 19:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 280

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 04:37 - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 619

You deserved it 3 648

By someoneneedsassistance - 24/04/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Spicy

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 236

You deserved it 4 005

By Bridget - 06/05/2012 18:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I married the man of my dreams. While I was being driven to our wedding reception, I checked my Facebook. My husband had just updated his status to "Me and the bitch just got hitched." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 198

You deserved it 7 127

So romantic

By Anonymous - 12/07/2013 16:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave, "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 088

You deserved it 4 376

By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 667

You deserved it 2 075

By Maddie - 20/06/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 844

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 28/10/2012 16:44 - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 972

You deserved it 6 086

By Krissy. - 31/03/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 652

You deserved it 4 971

By Anonymous - 02/09/2014 17:03 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 585

You deserved it 3 842

Fair Warning

By TheNoseKnows - 16/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Bronx

Spicy

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 706

You deserved it 2 482

By 19kwhatever - 09/05/2013 01:22 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 14 428

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 090

You deserved it 3 565

By dypshyyt - 22/07/2014 23:20 - United States

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 077

You deserved it 56 398

By myparentsarehoes - 03/08/2009 16:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 137

You deserved it 5 728

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 12:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 823

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 229

You deserved it 37 960

By Nickolas - 31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 991

You deserved it 3 713

Emergency cooking

By YoshiSqu4d - 31/07/2020 20:01

Today, I managed to set off the smoke detectors while cooking burgers. The cops and fire department showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 13:52 - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 630

You deserved it 1 446

By Miramichi - 30/05/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 519

You deserved it 8 926

By Anonymous - 09/08/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 387

You deserved it 14 992

By catcraze - 20/05/2013 23:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new cat. It was fine for a couple of hours until it gave birth in my kitchen. The seller claims to have no idea that it was pregnant. Now I have to take care of 7 cats instead of 2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 847

You deserved it 6 711

By scared shitless - 10/12/2013 09:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 246

You deserved it 3 817

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 17:03

Were you working at the same time? Because if it's a different shift then I might understand.

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 20:02

If you're going to be so petty to break up someone for something like that you shouldn't be in a relationship

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 16:17

I hope you mean EX-boyfriend! If he worked elsewhere, that might be forgiveable! Court adjourned!

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 17:03

Were you working at the same time? Because if it's a different shift then I might understand.

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 17:18

I don't think this would be an fml unless it was the same time lol.

ThatIsSoFetch 7

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 17:17

I hope you forgot he was your boyfriend.

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 20:02

If you're going to be so petty to break up someone for something like that you shouldn't be in a relationship

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 17:19

And thats why I always drive myself to work ??? My clutz of a boyfriend would surely forget me too ???. Than race back and pull a puppy dog face...

Lalala579121 27

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Wednesday 9 August 2017 2:15

Are you asking us?

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 18:22

So few questions, how long was his shift? Did he do a closing shift into an opening shift, and where exactly do you work? Depending on that I would say it sucks, but it is kind or reasonable.

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Tuesday 8 August 2017 23:08

Was he able to explain the other person with him.

sullivankeara 25

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Wednesday 9 August 2017 3:18

"Forgot" lol

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Friday 11 August 2017 19:28

Stop freaking out he made a mistake

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 58

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 41