By Stuckwiththebill

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Reliable

Rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

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14011

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By myrkes - Switzerland - Marstetten

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

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28035

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By chinchilla4404 - United States

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

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25112

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

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28573

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By terrified - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

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27317

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By hey-ooo - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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46698

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By jdrew32 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

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By ferret702 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

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19069

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2020 19:00 - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

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By BenFiggy - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Reasonable

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

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By christmaswillneverend - United States - Red Lion

Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

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28939

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By socknotes - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

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19716

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By Anonymous - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

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29994

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By kat - United States - Ocala

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

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31579

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By Darren - 31/8/2020 04:01 - Australia - Greenacre

MVP

Today, during my second shift back at work after missing 4 weeks for knee surgery, I stabbed myself in the hand and now need 3 weeks off for that surgery. Just as I'm up for a promotion. FML

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1416

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By why mom

Today, my straight, white, Christian stepmother greeted my black friend with, "Hey my n****a!" He hasn't talked to me since. FML

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17319

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1357

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By mulligan - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I'll be moving to a different state in a few months for a new job. He now refers to me as his "girlfriend for now". FML

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12780

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2790

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By toothfairy - United Kingdom

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

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46595

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

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25737

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By Nick - United States

Today, my wife of over 20 years told me she wants a divorce because she wants "a change in life". She has had the same mullet hair cut since '84. FML

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80114

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By Anonymous

Today, I was sick, and decided to work from home. After coding for a few hours, I took a break, and being home alone, I watched porn. A few minutes later, I received messages from my colleagues telling me to shut it down. I had forgotten I was working on teamviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2019

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6873

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By Men '86 - Canada

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

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By Chance115

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

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2567

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279

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By emogurl - United States

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

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50777

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By Samprib - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

72964

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By katie876 - United States

Today, I had a band concert and my mum got kicked out. She screamed "BORING!" in the middle of it. FML

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31057

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By ur_life_dus_suck - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

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23143

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By Gloria Lovestar

All over the place

Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

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28415

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By HLRJ - United States - Concord

Today, after my husband said he forgot our anniversary 2 days ago because he was so focused on planning for today, he forgot what was so important about today. It's my birthday. FML

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3001

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By Anonymous

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

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26020

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By This Guy - United States

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

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33326

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By SorryUncleTommy - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

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29177

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 23:58 - Antigua and Barbuda - Saint John's

Caring

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

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827

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By Anonymous - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father told all of us that he eloped with his girlfriend of two months. I am engaged to the woman's daughter, and have been engaged since before they met, but now my family is making fun of me for marrying my "sister". FML

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3449

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

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By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

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33292

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By lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

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Top comments

By Allie614032 | 34

#7591823 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:32

At least you found out before you were married.

By interesting33 | 36

#7591825 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:34

I am so sorry this happened. I am struggling to believe it is true because it is so horrific. and wouldn't the priest refuse/would your family stand by and watch? it sounds too much like a film. wouldn't she want her family at her wedding? would she have it spur of the moment like that? i certainly wouldn't be paying if I were you

COMMENTS

By Allie614032 | 34

#7591823 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:32

At least you found out before you were married.

By interesting33 | 36

#7591825 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:34

By RichardPencil | 29

#7591826 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:34

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

kusje | 29

#7591838 - Sunday 28 January 2018 2:35

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By RichardPencil | 29

#7591827 - Sunday 28 January 2018 1:37

Why didn’t your dad and all your male relatives beat that rat to death?

Grizz8831 | 13

#7893122 - Saturday 28 March 2020 20:31

probably some nonsense about it being a felony... not to mention very few people have such penchant for that kind of violence, against how badass killers most people say they are...

By delude | 26

#7591835 - Sunday 28 January 2018 2:24

I’m so sorry this happened to you, you deserve so much better in life

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7591841 - Sunday 28 January 2018 2:38

Wait, so your groom to be immediately married your maid of honor and everybody watched?
That sounds awfully awkward.

By core01 | 30

#7591844 - Sunday 28 January 2018 3:09

No marriage license?

Grizz8831 | 13

#7893124 - Saturday 28 March 2020 20:32

depending on the faith the actual ceremony is the important part. the license is just for legal purposes

By acmariner99 | 24

#7591845 - Sunday 28 January 2018 3:15

Awkward, horrible, dump em both ... but at least you found out before you got married.

By DanielleinDC | 32

#7591851 - Sunday 28 January 2018 4:21

How could they get married without a license?

I'm really sorry, though. Too bad you didn't find out before the ceremony.

By icagoobo | 19

#7591861 - Sunday 28 January 2018 5:56

Sounds fishy. Marriage licenses have to be obtained in advance by weeks with both names of the intended to be wed on it. Whatever wedding they had wasn’t legally binding most likely.

never_three | 21

#7593428 - Thursday 1 February 2018 11:17

Not true, my husband and I only had to wait 24 hours after obtaining our marriage license.

Danielle Holder | 2

#7594049 - Friday 2 February 2018 17:40

We had to wait 20min for ours.