Love: Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my...

By flipflop - 07/06/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I got married. I was so nervous right before I said my vows that, in the dead silence, I farted. Loud. My brother showed me afterwards, on tape, over and over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 194

You deserved it 7 411

Love

You tried

Check yourself

Kinky

By link - 26/05/2018 18:30 - United States - Edmond

Today, I got my final exam back. I got a 50/100. I didn't know it had a back side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 556

You deserved it 4 351

By Dumped - 22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 015

You deserved it 11 635

By whyme - 12/09/2013 14:44 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 636

You deserved it 4 558

By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 863

You deserved it 3 522

By Questions - 12/05/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 466

You deserved it 493

Christmas is treacherous

By Jeremy - 20/12/2020 23:00

Today, I decided to take my girlfriend out to look at Christmas lights and get hot chocolate. While cleaning my snow-covered truck, I slipped and broke three bones in my ankle, and now need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 60

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 20:00

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 294

By DeeDee - 04/02/2014 22:08 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 662

You deserved it 5 419

By owowowow - 24/07/2010 01:30 - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 7 576

It's not what you think…

By sucks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserts dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said, "How do you like that?" Then my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 888

You deserved it 158 715

By peace out - 05/03/2013 20:19 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 498

You deserved it 5 963

Public freakout

By erineilis - 16/08/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 525

You deserved it 17 017

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This would include: nazi symbols, white power, and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominately black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 048

You deserved it 4 348

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 15:59 - United States - De Soto

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 157

You deserved it 2 238

By ElamentalAngel - 06/05/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 299

You deserved it 83 764

By moobysrocks - 20/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 010

You deserved it 9 596

By Anonymous - 25/07/2009 02:35 - Brazil

Today, my long-distance boyfriend was at my house for a 10-day visit. He told me that we'd never spent so much time together, so he didn't know me well and now, he'd finally met the "real me". He doesn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 665

You deserved it 9 617

By secondchild - 12/07/2019 14:00

Today, my parents spent more time, money and effort on my boyfriend's birthday present than they ever have on any of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 20:30 - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 879

You deserved it 6 939

By Anonymous - 05/03/2018 01:30

Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 446

You deserved it 306

By lolwtfbbq444 - 15/01/2012 10:24 - Australia

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 3 766

By Anonymous - 05/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wauseon

Today, a police officer stopped me and told me he got an anonymous tip that I was going to kill myself. I wasnt. Protocol says he had to bring me straight to a hospital where I explained that someone was messing with me. nobody listened. Now I have a hospital bill for $2,250. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 604

You deserved it 158

By city_girl - 04/02/2010 06:34 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 986

You deserved it 2 531

By Anonymous - 03/08/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 072

You deserved it 42 031

By nichaneely - 21/01/2010 05:29 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 992

You deserved it 4 673

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 321

You deserved it 10 070

By Boss Troubles - 17/03/2015 06:12 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 775

You deserved it 12 334

By Lockie - 28/04/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 886

You deserved it 6 501

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 248

You deserved it 380

By TicketMePink - 20/05/2016 05:57 - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 397

You deserved it 21 082

By Noname - 15/03/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 17 256

By GDBeast - 09/01/2013 23:55 - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 361

You deserved it 6 292

By jennybrev - 13/07/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 634

You deserved it 2 844

By emancipate my ass - 24/07/2016 04:02

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 635

You deserved it 1 549

By iamatthewroberts - 17/02/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 12 962

By geewhiz - 01/02/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 570

You deserved it 5 460

Jimin causing drama time!

By Callie - 06/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, my daughter got mad at me for saying I didn't really get the appeal of Kpop. She went off at me, saying that I should "stan BTS" or something to that effect. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 06/09/2014 22:19 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, my boyfriend canceled his plans to attend my father's wake, not even 10 minutes after he found out there won't be any alcohol on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 941

You deserved it 4 112

Better late than never

By nice is not enough - 27/11/2021 22:59

Today, I had to admit to myself that I’m not attracted to my boyfriend on any level. I agreed to go out with him because he's a nice guy, but the reality is we have absolutely nothing in common. Not to mention, we have the sexual chemistry of a vegan and a bacon cheeseburger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 772

By rissalynn - 15/07/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 136

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Top comments

troll4thelulz 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:08

It could've been worse, you could've had explosive diarrhea while saying your vows.

iamchuck 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:05

Family functions are going to be a riot for years.

iamchuck 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:05

Family functions are going to be a riot for years.

SarahBearXoX 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:10

hahaha ^ so true n so sad

Cbizzlez 10

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:13

on your 50th aniversary they will play that tape and you will shit yourself laughing memories are a good thing

abbi96x 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:22

^^ true :]

kiltsaresexy 4

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:25

agreeed. this opens up for a lot of bad jokes. "Your wedding day was a real gas." "At least they married someone who knows how to cut loose"

littlemissdqgirl 8

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:28

lol 11

bettadenne1 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:52

now you'll be the butt of every joke.  lol

Miss_Represented 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 17:06

Don't feel bad, I got nervous as I was about to walk down the aisle(before the music started) and while trying to stiffle a laugh I snorted... I'm pretty sure nerve noises are common, but people did laugh. Assholes. ;)

jenknee1989 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 17:13

hahahaajhh

ApplePieHead 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 17:38

Well, I guess your wedding... stunk...

cincin75 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 18:16

I hate say this, but OP I think your ex is worse than a whore. It is good for you to get rid of her before she bring you a daddy unknowned baby. You are lucky, just cheer up buddy. 

cincin75 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 18:20

Damn, wrong post again. 

Stevefett 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:12

6-you are gorgeous. Just sayin'

daveyb123 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:27

wow.

Kaiden2554 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 8:05

sneakyy littllee bastardd catch it next timmee

skyttlz 32

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Friday 24 September 2010 7:25

play the fart in slow mo

troll4thelulz 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:08

It could've been worse, you could've had explosive diarrhea while saying your vows.

3son_fail3 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 18:24

nice pic

ownage24 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 20:53

lmfao. I was about to say the same thing. freaking Anti- flood :/

hethisistony2 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:09

can't say I have ever farted from being nervous haha but that sucks man

Neybay 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:09

hehehe I love it, entertainment for the entire family! you know at every family get together if a fart is dropped back come the puns hehe :D

weege 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:19

dude be proud. not many people can say they did that hahaha

bentheman 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:33

Well look at the bright side..congrtz on gettn married :] as for the brother..tell him family stuff is private?? i guess..lol

GAbeauty 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:33

I would say f your life too but not for farting but for being on fmylife the day you got married...I mean really?!? You couldn't find anything else to do like a honeymoon or something?

Anteezy 7

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Monday 7 June 2010 16:34

You're stupid.

GAbeauty 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 17:02

Really? Well I think you're a sweet heart!

LilAfo 4

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Monday 7 June 2010 18:07

lol, just cuz the FML starts with "today, bla bla bla" it doesn't mean that the FML was written today :/ That's how every FML starts.

GAbeauty 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:15

Thanks:)! I'm new to this so unfortunately I didn't know that.

platsalsa 0

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Monday 7 June 2010 21:46

new or not. you are hot! I love GA

Dwight_A_R_Manag 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 4:19

GAbeuty has a stinky butthole

coolbeens76 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 6:36

22 win

noseasmamon 0

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 19:31

....... just look at her hair... its obvious

rockhound 0

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 1:21

"GAbeauty".....conceited much?

gth829c 0

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 6:59

finally somebody knows it's not spelled "conceded"

Anteezy 7

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 23:48

I also like turtles, and I've seen the explanation of how "Today," is merely the format at least half a dozen times so now I just call people stupid. It's easier this way ;d roar.