Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML
Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I tripped on the leash, dropping his treat bag. He snatched one, looked at me, and ran full speed in the opposite direction. I had to chase him for three blocks, yelling his name. He thought it was a new game. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
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Top comments
VeeVengeance 0
A machete really? Where do you think you are, in the ******* jungle?
Zebidee 9
Alternatively, whoever was there heard a dog lose its mind, saw the house lights come on, a guy stumble around, pick up a machete and head for the yard, then unsurprisingly decided not to stick around and see what happened next. Buy your dog a big bone.
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Comments (130)
Miserybiz 0
a machete? that's insane.
Miserybiz 0
dogs have sensitive hearing so it could have been something further away than you could hear. I also think that if I was the person in your garden, then heard the dog barking and saw you grab a machete like a crazy paranoid person....I'd run too.
UnluckyJulie 13
A spotlight and a machete? Where the hell do you live?
kittykimiko 0
wow... overkill much?
Tylerhines1995 0
a machete, when did you get to Vietnam
bls5301 2
dude invest in a gun...
IDidYourMomFYL 0
It's a dog, they do that type of shit all the time, either way your dog owned your ass!
sjadrian573 0
btw #74... id say mexican...... havnt u watched the show machete... it ws in mexico lol they tend to have alot of them
Username84 0
My dog does the same damn thing......assholes!!
jinxers123 8
3 am is the time when demons come out. it's the opposite time of when Jesus was crucified (3 pm)... you might have a demon lol