Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML
Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML
Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML
Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML
Today, my dog started barking at literally nothing in the middle of the night. I spent 15 minutes convinced there was a ghost or something in my house, only to realize she was barking at her own shadow. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I tripped on the leash, dropping his treat bag. He snatched one, looked at me, and ran full speed in the opposite direction. I had to chase him for three blocks, yelling his name. He thought it was a new game. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
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Top comments
VeeVengeance 0
A machete really? Where do you think you are, in the ******* jungle?
Zebidee 9
Alternatively, whoever was there heard a dog lose its mind, saw the house lights come on, a guy stumble around, pick up a machete and head for the yard, then unsurprisingly decided not to stick around and see what happened next. Buy your dog a big bone.
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Comments (130)
cyc10n3 0
3am is the time that spirits are more active, so your dog could be picking up paranormal activity. Likely from a dead relitive.
de4ek 0
seriously? 3am... u know this how?
vwmkvgirl 1
oh come on... everyone knows 3am is the time the dead relatives come out. and at 4:23am they eat dinner (because their schedule is OBVIOUSLY the opposite of ours) and at 6:30 they are sound asleep...ish... in the walls/ceiling depending on their personal preference.
at1325 0
if you watch the movie " the exorcism of Emily rose" ( which is supposedly based on a true story) they said three am is the prime time for ghosts and demons and such to be active. they said it is because three pm was the time of day Christ died on the cross so the devil uses the opposite time as a form of mockery, just as how the upside down cross is a symbol of the devil. believing this or not is certainly a matter of person preference but beluga such as this could be where the comment you replied to originated from.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Just pour some spot remover on the dog and your problems will be solved.
SassiestLemon 2
Um... Lol? O_o
beeship321 5
I was thinking survivor lol
gjmt9900 1
Lmao
DocBastard 40
While you were outside acting like an idiot with your machete, the guy your dog heard was inside stealing your shit. Dumbass.
ArthursLifeSucks 2
Machete is win!
aboutpar 0
Nooooooooooooooo, you are the asshole!!!!!!
evilcartman 0
ydi for having a dog
de4ek 0
really? how exactly does owning a dog make someone a dumb idiot? hmmm?
bls5301 2
Because he's complaining about a dog barking? That's what dogs do, they bark.
brenkite 5
Cartman nobody likes you, you fat prick
LSU33DucKAholiC 0
kinda sad that your a teacher but you use **** more than can't...
sooobe 3
^^ loser
mrwelsh3 0
wrong fml
Joshwarrior 39
I find the idea that pandas use dogs for pets too is awesome :)