Work: Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely...

By zl5 - 04/07/2014 23:17 - New Zealand - Masterton

Today, the deranged idiot that I am defending in court went completely nuts and told the judge that I am the guy who planned the whole armed robbery that he is on trial for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 114

You deserved it 4 843

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 18:05 - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 917

You deserved it 2 616

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 358

You deserved it 4 762

By Anonymous - 04/12/2013 21:15 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 522

You deserved it 4 237

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 15:34 - United States - Pomona

Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 196

You deserved it 2 572

By mustanggt - 10/07/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 850

You deserved it 31 204

By Dreamer - 03/07/2012 06:22 - United States - Castro Valley

Today, I'm going to court to give an eyewitness account of a robbery. Unfortunately, I had a wacky dream last night concerning the robbery, and no longer have any idea of what actually happened in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 665

You deserved it 3 819

By harrington61 - 19/05/2013 21:27 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 299

You deserved it 3 919

By thegrandchawhee - 29/08/2015 17:13 - United States - Yakima

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 043

You deserved it 1 806

Fake news

By Anonymous - 18/07/2014 20:04 - Cura?ao

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 332

You deserved it 3 457

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 45 697

kelsorg 21

Saturday 5 July 2014 6:11

well, if you're good at your job you can prove him wrong! fyl

cakefete2 30

Saturday 5 July 2014 6:11

Well, at least you're familiar with the case. You should be able to defend yourself easily.

Comments

johbstonjacob 8

Saturday 5 July 2014 6:37

At least you won't need to pay for a lawyer

lexiieeex3 32

Saturday 5 July 2014 6:45

What a sociopath.

Saraj07 18

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:09

Hope you have a good lawyer! In a seriousness I hope this doesn't cause you any legal troubles.

username53001 7

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:18

Get your client to plead insanity...

captainsmegma 12

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:22

Take a plea deal. Turn state's evidence and then rat him out for everything.

Liiiiiiiiike 15

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:29

If you can't do the time don't do the crime. FYL YDI

Soloman212 28

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:37

This is where you chime in with "Objection!" Or, "Hold it!" Right? I am a lawyerer.

LennyComa 39

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:40

Just use the "I'm not the one on trial defense"

lifein2014 13

Saturday 5 July 2014 7:50

that's when you stop defending him

AllKnowingTurtle 9

Saturday 5 July 2014 8:03

The tides have turned! No, but in all seriousness, I hope everything goes ok.

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Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 95

Today, I was pulled over for not having my car inspection up to date. I had my car inspected two weeks earlier. Since I'm at college my sticker was mailed to my home. My mother didn't want to pay the 42 cent postage, so now I have to pay $250 because my mother is cheap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 449

You deserved it 4 464

The Top

Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 141

Today, after ordering at a restaurant, the waitress suddenly began acting like a bitch to me, for no apparent reason. I later found out why: most people who order that particular meal tend to argue and whine about the price. I wasn’t going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102

You deserved it 74

Today, I met my new drill sergeant. Let's just say I wasn't expecting him to literally bark orders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 75

Today, I legally separated from my wife, after many months of her refusing to do any form of self-care. She doesn't wash, exercise, eat full meals other than fast food and she doesn't make any effort to be involved in me or who I am as a person. Christmas is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 168

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 241

You deserved it 1 574

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 671

You deserved it 2 674

Same thing different taste

Fake news

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