Health: Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate...

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 907

You deserved it 2 835

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Same thing different taste

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 447

You deserved it 11 656

McGastric

By Mc'xplosive - 09/10/2019 04:00

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 326

You deserved it 471

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 4 122

By sushi hater - 13/03/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 496

You deserved it 7 513

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 2 783

Let it all out

By Vomitron - 02/04/2021 00:30

Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 7 550

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 3 074

By sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 596

You deserved it 2 458

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 746

You deserved it 7 485

james98e 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:17

Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'

jadeleepenguin 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:26

Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?

Comments

james98e 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:17

Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'

eightbithero 12

Monday 1 June 2015 22:59

I fell into a burning ring of fire, I went down down down as the flames when higher! And it burned burned burned, the ring of fire! The ring of fire!

Scryll 17

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:18

Time to spend the rest of the day nursing your devastated bunghole

fsomelife 26

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:22

Was this the cause or the effect in the culinary experience?

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

What the duck did you eat?!

Welshite 39

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:27

Daffy Duck, obviously. He apparently took offense to being roasted and eaten. No one eats Daffy Duck and gets away with it.

Laurieannuk 6

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

Next time, cut out the middleman and chuck it straight down the toilet!

Theglc20 27

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:25

Let's get this out the way early.... 'what a shitty situation!'

DFMLharsh 20

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:58

Nice try "cool" boy.

jadeleepenguin 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:26

Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?

sonasonic 34

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:38

He did, 3 full hours of it.

abNormal62 23

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:32

Time sharing new cuisine can be challenging, especially when saying good bye takes longer than saying hello did

Ramos808 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:32

Lol, what did you eat?

pooldude 24

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:40

did u eat Indian food by any chance? And i can make this joke, because i am Indian.

Keywords

Cats DIY Miscellaneous Family Awkward Poopoo peepee Work Management Am I overreacting? Capitalism Relatable Coworkers Frustration Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Anxiety Technology Health Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy Confused AITA Parents

The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 855

You deserved it 6 629

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 696

The Top

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 697

You deserved it 3 004

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 416

Today, my girlfriend wished me a happy birthday. Too bad my birthday isn't for 5 months. She mixed up my birthday with the guy she's been cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 709

You deserved it 244

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 407

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 704

You deserved it 2 318

Practice doesn't always make perfect!

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 110

Same thing different taste

McGastric

Healthy lifestyle tips

Toilet training

Let it all out

Enough with the puns

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