Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Numbass123
Las Vegas, United States
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Mc'xplosive
McGastric
Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML
middleagednurse
Healthy lifestyle tips
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
sushi hater
United States
Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML
Anonymous
Houston, United States
Toilet training
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Vomitron
Let it all out
Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML
shroooms
Slovenia
Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML
sendhelp
Provo, United States
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
fuckmuppet
Oxford, United Kingdom
Enough with the puns
Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML
Top comments
james98e 15
Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'
jadeleepenguin 29
Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?
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Comments (40)
tibtak_fml 10
What was your head facing?
Stillo 25
Oh man, we have all been there some time in our lives. FYL op
fmlsams 27
Sorry for your shitty experience, OP, but don't give up on your cooking! Once your stomach is done flipping out over the change in diet, it should settle right into your new routine of home cooked food.
amileah13 26
Oh I just shivered from reading that! Sorry that happened to you op! Too bad there wasn't a warning like "if you eat this you will not leave the toilet for three hours and be in agonizing pain."
CyberSeeker 20
Just keep eating, just keep eating, eating, eating. What do we do we eat eat eat
Renee4Echelon 15
What a shitty mishap. Stick with whats familiar so next time you won't have to push an elephant from your ass. :/
lexos 16
From my own experience I can say that you shouldn't try cold food only warm food. I spend a hour on the toilet with a bucket between my legs in Africa.
pl0xs3rver 45
Taco Bell is a cruel mistress. All joking aside, I hope that you are feeling better OP.
worldclassrager 39
I take it Mexican food is what you did/had today...
Silk_Routes 14
eat wisely..no more free food for you