Health: Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/05/2015 10:59 - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 901

You deserved it 2 809

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 434

You deserved it 11 645

McGastric

By Mc'xplosive - 09/10/2019 04:00

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 469

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

By sushi hater - 13/03/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 490

You deserved it 7 507

Toilet training

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 17:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 347

You deserved it 2 771

Let it all out

By Vomitron - 02/04/2021 00:30

Today, I spent an hour and twenty minutes throwing up at a toilet from a shopping mall because I ate rotten food without realizing it. At least during that time I made two new friends, a gay couple who were making out in the next toilet cubicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 99

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 114

You deserved it 7 545

By shroooms - 28/07/2011 20:37 - Slovenia

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 3 070

By sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 2 445

Enough with the puns

By fuckmuppet - 27/05/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 731

You deserved it 7 478

Next

Top comments

james98e 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:17

Ah the legendary 'ring of fire'

jadeleepenguin 29

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:26

Did you try the Pu Pu Platter?

Comments

tibtak_fml 10

Sunday 31 May 2015 13:43

What was your head facing?

Stillo 25

Sunday 31 May 2015 14:01

Oh man, we have all been there some time in our lives. FYL op

fmlsams 27

Sunday 31 May 2015 14:25

Sorry for your shitty experience, OP, but don't give up on your cooking! Once your stomach is done flipping out over the change in diet, it should settle right into your new routine of home cooked food.

amileah13 26

Sunday 31 May 2015 14:33

Oh I just shivered from reading that! Sorry that happened to you op! Too bad there wasn't a warning like "if you eat this you will not leave the toilet for three hours and be in agonizing pain."

CyberSeeker 20

Sunday 31 May 2015 14:43

Just keep eating, just keep eating, eating, eating. What do we do we eat eat eat

Renee4Echelon 15

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:18

What a shitty mishap. Stick with whats familiar so next time you won't have to push an elephant from your ass. :/

lexos 16

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:20

From my own experience I can say that you shouldn't try cold food only warm food. I spend a hour on the toilet with a bucket between my legs in Africa.

pl0xs3rver 45

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:31

Taco Bell is a cruel mistress. All joking aside, I hope that you are feeling better OP.

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:49

I take it Mexican food is what you did/had today...

Silk_Routes 14

Sunday 31 May 2015 15:49

eat wisely..no more free food for you

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The Top

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 218

Today, I was crying after a bad day at work. As I walked down the street, a young boy in a minivan tried to get my attention. He kept saying, "Hi, hi, please wave!" in a sad voice. When I politely waved at him, I saw a group of kids in the van giggling hysterically and taking pictures of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 285

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 285

Today, I was walking down the hallway when I stepped in an ice cold pile of cat vomit. I was barefoot. FML

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You deserved it 147

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 327

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I agree, your life sucks 8 466

You deserved it 1 480

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I agree, your life sucks 33 038

You deserved it 5 127

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I agree, your life sucks 36 024

You deserved it 8 459