By Numbass123 - 04/05/2014 17:17 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 396
You deserved it 11 627

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I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

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I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

Homestyle taco bell. Apparently, OP succeeded.

#11 its shit nuggets not poop nuggets

I can't help but wonder why he didn't wait for it to finish before jumping in the shower for a two hour cycle of shit and wash.

I wonder if OP can ever feel his asshole?

Maybe it felt better or have him some relief to have the water running on him? I would think it would up to a certain point. Two hours is quite long though.

#15 dude that's racist

A pan with some remaining soap on it will do that for you.

That would be useful to know if you're having people you hate over for dinner.

To everyone wondering why he jumped in the shower....since he said he got in the shower after mentioning that he'd run out of toilet paper I'm fairly certain that the two are related. OP ran out of toilet paper but was still a spewing fountain and had no choice but to jump in the shower. That's what I read anyways.

I'm assuming the water soothed his ass hole during his explosive diarrhea... ouch

i had food poisening a couple weeks ago, it's a pain in the ass lol. this FML needs a follow up, i want to know what was cooked!

"Gushing fountains of crap..." Good description. Helps me imagine it. A+

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

No, we actually haven't...

I have but it was my mom's cooking. I went into work, because they didn't believe me, for about 30mins before i was sent home due to throwing up. they believe me when I say I'm sick now.

#3 my father was a chef and he taught me how to cook. No I have never given myself or anyone else food poisoning.

We've all had explosive diarrhea...well, not for 2 hours straight. But still.

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

So, combining this with all the replies about homemade Taco Bell, does that mean that the corporation of Taco Bell is actually a terrorist, just biding its time until it unleashes its wrath and takes over the world?

No, Taco Bell has its customers unleash their wrath.

I guess this is a lesson you won't forget anytime soon

Sounds like you made home made Taco Bell :)

Yo quiero ta... Toilet!

I guess we should leave the Mexican food to the professionals.

No no no no. The "professionals" with the clean kitchens and perfect reports from the Health Department are vastly inferior to the local, hole in the wall places that look like they haven't cleaned the floors in weeks.

After reading the first sentence I thought someone superglued you to the toilet seat as some prank

Today I read this fml , FML

No wonder why 0 of your FMLs got published.

Food of ass destruction.