FML : Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to...

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Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By Numbass123 - / Sunday 4 May 2014 17:17 / United States - Las Vegas

Health

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Top comments

By Skylae | 14

#5934912 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:49

I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

By kurodansei | 16

#5934921 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

Comments

By Skylae | 14

#5934912 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:49

I'm just wondering .. What did you cook ?

euphoricness | 28

#5934934 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:57

Poop nuggets!

cakefete2 | 30

#5934942 - Monday 5 May 2014 2:00

Homestyle taco bell. Apparently, OP succeeded.

feelingold | 18

#5934984 - Monday 5 May 2014 2:35

15 for the win

Testing1234 | 25

#5935011 - Monday 5 May 2014 2:55

dude that's racist

Testing1234 | 25

#5935014 - Monday 5 May 2014 2:59

dude that's racist

Testing1234 | 25

#5935015 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:00

#11 its shit nuggets not poop nuggets

Sunflower1919 | 19

#5935022 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:06

I can't help but wonder why he didn't wait for it to finish before jumping in the shower for a two hour cycle of shit and wash.

daniel_2209 | 12

#5935024 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:07

I wonder if OP can ever feel his asshole?

TunaFireStarter | 16

#5935025 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:07

Maybe it felt better or have him some relief to have the water running on him? I would think it would up to a certain point. Two hours is quite long though.

Testing1234 | 25

#5935031 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:12

#15 dude that's racist

HockeyPlayerLife | 13

#5935032 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:16

#38 how exactly?

the_truth_lives | 9

#5935158 - Monday 5 May 2014 6:02

A pan with some remaining soap on it will do that for you.

Danne696 | 14

#5935213 - Monday 5 May 2014 7:21

That would be useful to know if you're having people you hate over for dinner.

CatchMe25 | 16

#5935232 - Monday 5 May 2014 8:38

To everyone wondering why he jumped in the shower....since he said he got in the shower after mentioning that he'd run out of toilet paper I'm fairly certain that the two are related. OP ran out of toilet paper but was still a spewing fountain and had no choice but to jump in the shower. That's what I read anyways.

daisylokes | 16

#5935259 - Monday 5 May 2014 8:58

I'm assuming the water soothed his ass hole during his explosive diarrhea... ouch

kalwalls | 18

#5935342 - Monday 5 May 2014 10:42

i had food poisening a couple weeks ago, it's a pain in the ass lol. this FML needs a follow up, i want to know what was cooked!

PageantGirlXOXO | 16

#5936114 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 3:36

"Gushing fountains of crap..."

Good description. Helps me imagine it. A+

daniel_2209 | 12

#5936210 - Tuesday 6 May 2014 5:15

fuck you

By Welshite | 39

#5934915 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:50

Wrong bidet!

By Kainen | 2

#5934920 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

bettyxoxo | 11

#5934937 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:58

No, we actually haven't...

Genociiide | 15

#5934988 - Monday 5 May 2014 2:35

I have but it was my mom's cooking. I went into work, because they didn't believe me, for about 30mins before i was sent home due to throwing up. they believe me when I say I'm sick now.

rocker_chick23 | 27

#5935017 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:01

#3 my father was a chef and he taught me how to cook. No I have never given myself or anyone else food poisoning.

hippyhopgirl | 9

#5935483 - Monday 5 May 2014 15:04

We've all had explosive diarrhea...well, not for 2 hours straight. But still.

By kurodansei | 16

#5934921 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

It's not that OP can't cook, OP just has a talent for biological warfare.

AnOriginalName | 19

#5935077 - Monday 5 May 2014 4:07

So, combining this with all the replies about homemade Taco Bell, does that mean that the corporation of Taco Bell is actually a terrorist, just biding its time until it unleashes its wrath and takes over the world?

tiernang | 21

#5935128 - Monday 5 May 2014 5:13

No, Taco Bell has its customers unleash their wrath.

By Michael903 | 18

#5934924 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

I guess this is a lesson you won't forget anytime soon

By Vahex | 19

#5934925 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:51

Sounds like you made home made Taco Bell :)

cakefete2 | 30

#5935056 - Monday 5 May 2014 3:50

Yo quiero ta... Toilet!

By Pancakes017 | 19

#5934926 - Monday 5 May 2014 1:52

I guess we should leave the Mexican food to the professionals.

AnOriginalName | 19

#5935079 - Monday 5 May 2014 4:09

No no no no. The "professionals" with the clean kitchens and perfect reports from the Health Department are vastly inferior to the local, hole in the wall places that look like they haven't cleaned the floors in weeks.