Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
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Comments (104)
Ilovemysphynx 19
Obviously he doesn't have a sense of humor. It's alright op a lot of people in the Internet are all talk.
purebliss_fml 19
I'd run if I were you. Have you heard of roid rage?
Capitan 15
Just hope he doesn't have FML app as well.
LifeAlertTwerk 14
Plenty of time to work out and be 251 pounds!
alyant 12
Run, hide and don't ever comment smartly again
wandering_soul 28
By that logic, they should only make dumb comments. I don't think that will make anything better.
rkdstp1995 25
thats hilarious and 250 pound bodybuilder should see the joke.
havok87 11
He can't find you. You're fine. Funny though.
Dave_Davington 33
You've nothing to worry about. Rule #1 of the internet: Don't like keyboard warriors seriously.
insomniac8400 13
Tell him to **** himself aha hahahahaaa
Timqwe 5
If he's a 250 pound bodybuilder, i probably can't fight for shit. A guillotine choke should do the trick. Or just kick him in the balls if you don't mind fighting dirty
Cheeley 17
I'm having a hard time seeing the connection between a 250 pound body builder and your inability to fight.
Timqwe 5
Because with that much muscle mass, big chance that you are to slow to find decent. 250 pounds only comes in handy when you're like 6'6.