Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
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Comments (104)
dmklake 14
i can imagine. i commented on someones outfit on instagram and one of her followers decided to follow me and #ewww my pictures. the net is such a fun place.
vlalam 24
Sorry, but that's totally hilarious.... Doesn't that guy have some sense of humor?
TheCrispyCat 20
Don't be on Instagram. The whole idea of it is stupid in my opinion.
Alastor13X 8
Just because they are body builders doesn't mean they have a big package. Ever heard of Little Man Syndrome? Yea, it's not vertical height that gives it to them. You throw in some steroids and you got a regular Crayola crayon with a couple of tic tacs. How do you think they wear those tights so comfortably? Mystery Solved...
otecasacid 22
and the size of the dick comes in where? also steroids don't shrink your dick, they turn your testicles off; which then condense in size until they are needed for testosterone production.
airportlad 4
Dont worry, the guy doesnt leave the gym, so you'll be fine
deletethedaleks 9
That's just freaking hilarious..
thecrazymancan 17
Just call the police.
hgore95 3
Roid rage at it's finest
DKjazz 20
I had a cat named Stupid. That was his name because he was a runt and had a habit of picking fights with other, larger cats. Stupid is gone now, but you may be Stupid incarnate.
Sathane 21
Roid rage!!