Fight! Fight! Fight!

By Anonymous - 02/03/2016 17:54 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
I agree, your life sucks 25 653
You deserved it 2 010

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Stolen valor, I am at a loss for words. Why would anyone lie about military service. And if you do lie about it don't pick a fight with a SEAL.

Punish your son, and press charges against said muscle head. Seriously, press charges. Someone that rage-prone does not need to walk unpunished. Even putting aside that he did it under the assumption you were employed by the USA Military.


Pretty sure anyone that's won a fight won't be saying that the other person was beating on them.

Unless they were so surprised that the guy got in some beating before he came to his senses and kicked the guy's ass. In which case, it still sucks.

But... I'm giving him the opportunity to say he won!

We men BOAST of our winnings, not show any weakness!

#36, are you seriously going to go into gender stereotypes? True men aren't afraid of showing their emotions.

CheekyRaccoon 27

a mastermind would have gotten away with it by hiring 10 guys to win the fight. no. his kid is a prick and deserves to be beaten.

I would totally give this kid a job to do this for my amusement.

What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, ******. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re ******* dead, kiddo.

His comment probably went something like that.

Lmao, this was the first thing that came to mind

MikaykayUnicorn 36

What the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 5:30 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a ******* from two bitches (Shit was SO Cash), one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 38 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best ******, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions). Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000 $ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Navy Seals tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life.

The best part about this is that you said gorilla instead of guerrilla, thanks for the laugh, made my day

classic. I remember when this comment used to be all over YouTube

This makes me happy, because I was completely expecting this comment, and I wasn't let down. Thanks. :]

u wot m8? wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked 300 candy bars from tha corner store. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil ******** w/ a hot mum & fake bling. ill waste u and smash a fokin bottle oer yer head bruv, i swer 2 christ. ya think u can fokin run ya gabber at me whilst sittin on yer arse behind a lil screen? think again wanka. im callin me homeboys rite now preparin for a proper rumble. tha rumble thatll make ur nan sore jus hearin about it. yer a waste bruv. my homeboys be all over tha place & ill beat ya to a proper fokin pulp with me fists wanka. if i aint satisfied w/ that ill borrow me m8s cricket paddle & see if that gets u the fok out o’ newcastle ya daft kunt. if ye had seen this bloody fokin mess commin ye might a’ kept ya gabber from runnin. but it seems yer a stewpid lil twat, innit? ima shite fury & ull drown in it m8. ur in proper mess ya knobhead.

That made my head hurt just reading that....

I took this seriously when I started reading it lol great laugh! :)

Steve97 32

You must've waited so patiently to have that comment ready for an fml lmfao well done XD

Wow I had no idea this is was a viral comment! I remember receiving a text message saying these exact things, I just assumed my friend was crazy.

annie_zoo 27

Your son is a genius. A devil, but a genius

That's not genius. It's not something he came up with. It's basically swatting

mm12344 8

Telling a stranger your address is not genius.

Stolen valor, I am at a loss for words. Why would anyone lie about military service. And if you do lie about it don't pick a fight with a SEAL.

They like to pretend that they're something they're not.

It really bothers me that stolen valor was a crime. Now it's free speech. You can get in some serious trouble for impersonating a police officer. But tell the world you're a decorated war vet nobody cares.

Especially don't pretend to be your dad and give out your address. Ops son is a shit.

sugarhighwhoo 3

Yeah, stolen valor is the problem, not that somehow you don't see that this seal that went to go beat up some random guy like a thug is in the wrong? Perhaps he's not the real seal because that's the most unprofessional childlike shit I've ever heard of.

bad_boyfriend 10

You should google stolen valor. This ain't it. If you don't obtain some kind of benefit by lying, it isn't considered stolen valor.

I believe the thing that was posted was a copy pasta, Google "navy seal copy pasta" and you'll see it, it's just a meme that gets posted in random places.

75, lying about military service, award, or bring in the a SEAL is stolen valor. I don't need to google what it means. Just ask someone who has served this country they will tell you what stolen valor is.

@79: It isn't anymore, they changed the law because the first one signed by Bush was declared unconstitutional. The 2013 version of the act says it is only illegal if the intent is to abuse it to receive benefits.

@79 I guess you should Google it then because Stolen Valor only covered medals and decorations. I mean it's annoying that some people may brag about serving when they never have, but wearing them and benefiting is another.

And this is when your natural karate instincts of watching karate movies involving Jackie Chan kicks in.

Im sad to hear that anyone would do this. The fact that it's in my state saddens me even more. Fyl. Punish your son well.

Punish your son, and press charges against said muscle head. Seriously, press charges. Someone that rage-prone does not need to walk unpunished. Even putting aside that he did it under the assumption you were employed by the USA Military.

Why press charges? Sometimes violence is necessary. As a Marine, it brings a grin to my face knowing that a poser got what he deserved.

I feel like you didn't fully read the FML though.

I know, I realized after I made this comment. I'm wrong.

That kind of thinking is probably why your a Marine. Done get me wrong, my family is a military family and we think stolen valor is shit but it's not worth getting into a fight over. Those people have pathetic lives, are miserable and so not worth the time, effort, and consequences of beating the shit out of them. If my husband got arrested and I had to tell the kids daddy went to jail and might lose his job over one of those people, I would be extremely disappointed.

I agree with 28. But however Stolen Valor is a felony. Which is fine for adults but depending on the child age should be applied. In this case it should be.

68 did you read comment 32. What exactly are you trying to say?

I think 66 is trying to say that while people doing what OP's son did is seriously bad behavior, associates of (or worse, actual military servicemen) taking the matter of justice/retribution into their own hands is bad. Not only is is assault and/or battery, but it's a crime committed by a member of a sector that is supposed represent the best America has to offer. Those in the service get enough flak for following orders, and some of them dispensing vigilante justice over matters like this leaves a sour patch taste in the mouth of the civilian population, as well as making them more likely to be afraid of those in the service. Which is detrimental to both sides- civilians need to be able to trust that the military can both do what needs done and still keep their morals, while those in the service deserve the respect of the civilian sector, not their fear. Nor should a good member of the military want the average civilian to be afraid of them, I would think.

Oh come on everyone, he is a kid!! All kids do dumb things and think they won't get caught... remember??? Let's cool down a little. If the dad posted his own picture claiming to be a SEAL, I'd totally be as upset as some of you. But the kid should be punished by his parents and the guy who beat the dad should be punished in some way too. OPs son's stupidity does not give the guy the ok to show up on his door step to beat the shit out of him. The guy could have killed him or seriously and permanently injured him.

Yes both are in the wrong. Op should press charges against the guy and punish his son. It IS his fault as well, if he hadn't done anything it wouldn't had happened.