Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
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Comments (104)
FrankHotpants 31
If you're going to post pictures on the internet then just know you are subject to ridicule. People should be nice and respectful but they're not.
davek 36
Bro, do you even choke to death?
ahh_rats 15
Hahaha **** that dude. I think that's hilarious
jguseman 18
Ya, you're probably going to die from autoerotic asphyxiation.
Sinclair935 5
Whatevs... Bigger they are, harder they fall. Also, from my experience, bodybuilders are (for the most part) actually *******. Yeah they can lift (bro) but they're really a one punch pony that has probably never been in a fight. The ones you gotta look out for are the scrawny farm boys. They're the scrappers.
otecasacid 22
im sure you just know everything there is to know about being a body builder right? because you were friends with one before you graduated high school? anyone who throws body weight around like its nothing is a problem for you to fight.
middlenamefrank 8
Smartass much? Yes, being a jackass can have a downside sometimes. Y definitely DI.
DrHail 22
I don't feel bad, YDI for mocking someone who is capable of killing you.
jude_iscariot 7
Hilarious. You deserve it, sure, but it's funny and I have done things like this in the past. Don't worry - meatheads like that will never actually find you or hurt you, they just talk a lot. You should push his buttons some more.
gaydragon 13
And all he was trying to do was impress the ladies until you dropped that comment now hes gonna get you
veritoswty6 14
Lesson learned. Don't ever pull a joke on someone twice your size.