Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML
Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML
Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML
Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to tickle my armpits as I lifted it all the way up. I can still taste vomit in my mouth and it hurts to breathe. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was working out at the gym. A very attractive girl was watching me work out, so feeling like a stud, I tried to lift a really heavy weight. I failed, got trapped, and watched helplessly as she walked away laughing. FML
Today, one of my worst nightmares as an overweight woman came true. My boyfriend showed me a video someone had recorded of us exercising together, and who was mocking my weight the entire time. FML
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
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Top comments
Awesomeaxel 24
Lesson to be learned. Don't be a dick
MisterEx 28
Don't talk the talk if you can't walk the walk keyboard warrior.
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Comments (104)
ryanfarrow 2
I'm guessing his next FML would be, 'Today, I got my ass kicked by a 250 pound bodybuilder. FML'
alicat13 12
Awesome :-) Start running.
xswtnsour13x 6
I don't get it.
Jakob2255 12
Google it then you'll get it
JonDG 12
if you dont get it then you are too young to be on here.
xswtnsour13x 6
Yea, I thought of googling it but was too lazy to go back and forth between the FML app and the safari app just to see the spelling of that word. I can't copy and paste it. Was hoping someone would explain it to me on here.
xswtnsour13x 6
I am 22 years old. How much older do you have to be to know what it means? -____-
kenyrabit 25
So.. too lazy to look it up, but don't mind the effort of typing 3 unhelpful posts (one being a paragraph)? If you want to learn, you have to seek out the knowledge. Ps. Yes, grow up. The # of years you've lived doesn't reflect how much life you've had. Try asking Mom how fun Autoeroticism is.
jo0owe 9
i dont see any harm in what op said, its not like if hé was insulting him. well i dont think autoerotic asphixy should be considered as an insult, hé simply overreact way to much, tell him to stop steroide!
xboxmaniac7 9
If you don't move, he won't see you.
kenyrabit 25
No, no... I was confusing that with the T-Rex. Pedal!
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22
Looks like someone needs to develop a sense of humor instead of muscles...
worldclassrager 39
Everyone was thinking it and well you took the fall...think before you act...
ReggieReefer 12
Roid rage.
Airplane7721 7
smartass
samntack 1
I'm more supprised that he understood what that meant!!