Transportation: Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's...

By ceetee - Australia

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

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42422

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Transportation

There's no helping some people

That's a funny word, mom

Gratitude walks

By strawberry - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

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36229

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By Anonymous

Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML

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1472

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217

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

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45021

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By Helen - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

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34922

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By hurley - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

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29935

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By Lily - United States - San Antonio

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

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24800

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By jenny2989 - United States

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

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11806

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By AlexK - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

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14143

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By muffintop - Canada

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

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35088

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By thetalkingvagina - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

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54675

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By umm - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

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27630

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By shouldabeenapornstar - United States

Today, I decided to fake it when my husband and I were making love. Afterwards, he told me that he could tell my head was "really in the game" and felt a stronger connection with me now and was glad I opened up and "let go" with him. FML

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11181

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

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48316

You deserved it

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By skyeraven - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, an elderly man had to give me money to pay for my grocery bill because my sister broke down crying in the store as I didn't have enough money to pay for both her milkshake and cookies. She's 19. FML

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43788

You deserved it

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By A - Canada

Today, I received a phone call at work about an emergency and I had to come home immediately. I arrived to find that no one had been hurt and the house hadn't burned down. The "emergency" was my mom ran out of milk and cigarettes. FML

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36809

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By Butter_Cup - United States

Today, my mom sold the car I've been working on for the last few years for 100 dollars. To buy gas for her car. FML

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43688

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2787

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

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21626

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By Anonymous - Australia - Boondall

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

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61910

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By mark - United States

Today, I went downstairs after a family argument. The front door was kicked in, the sink faucet was snapped off, and there were broken plates all over the kitchen floor. I later found out that the argument was over who left the refrigerator door open. FML

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35697

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

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17107

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By Nakdnathan - United States

Today, I got written up for not making a drink right. While getting yelled at by my boss, my co-worker made the drink the same exact way I made it. I pointed it out. My boss responded with, "He is allowed to because I like him, I don't like you." FML

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53954

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By asdf1851 - United States

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

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18672

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By Anonymous - Portugal

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

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61927

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By Anonymous

Today, my recent ex-boyfriend stopped by my house with a well-dressed man. He reached into his pocket and handed me records that "prove" he never cheated on me. Oh, and the man next to him? His lawyer, who gave me a summons to court over payment for the items I smashed when I dumped him. FML

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2857

You deserved it

9932

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By WastedTime - United States

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

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42660

You deserved it

5706

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By Adam Jensen - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

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34796

You deserved it

2501

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrecked my car because my mom texted me, telling me not to text and drive. FML

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25599

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44868

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By Scapegoat

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

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3279

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274

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Father, you mean father

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

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1023

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By KayEffEh - Canada - Georgetown

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

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38143

You deserved it

3430

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

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30674

You deserved it

10942

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a soccer game. A player from the other team hit me in the face. In the next half, she was the goalie and I was determined to score on her. When I finally got my chance to, everyone cheered, until I kicked the ball into the goal post and it bounced back and hit me in the face. FML

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43772

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By failure - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

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32638

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By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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22940

You deserved it

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By damnthedog - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

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36204

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By Anonymous - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

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4326

You deserved it

643

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By nolongerengaged - United States

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77677

You deserved it

3845

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By Schmolly - United States

Today, I had a mental break down. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was "I think we were better off as friends." FML

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36062

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By ConfusedFiancé

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

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4155

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By Alyssa - United States - Spring Park

Today, my fiancé, my two-year-old, and my dog are all sleeping peacefully next to me in our new king-sized memory foam bed. It's 2:15 in the morning. Why am I not sleeping? Because they all snore, one right after the other. It's like an endless song of snoring. FML

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Top comments

By kirbinator | 0

#2980958 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:56

who has a friend named morris?

By xleanne_aLly | 23

#2980992 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

make your mom pay for it

COMMENTS

By kirbinator | 0

#2980958 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:56

who has a friend named morris?

chaps93 | 6

#2981008 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

my name is Morris. do you have a problem with that??

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2981017 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

all my friends... my name is morris....

Ellifish | 2

#2981021 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:00

Do you have any friends?

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2981086 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:06

yes, and probably more than you.. well I guess 0 isn't a hard number to beat...

MrFlintstone | 5

#2981089 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:06

hey your an imposter

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981155 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:15

your mother is missing a few brains cells, possibly a tad too many

futtbuck101 | 1

#2981233 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:25

It's chuck Norris's distant cousin.

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#2981265 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:29

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981271 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:30

don't mess with chuck morris.

iLikeWaffles155 | 5

#2981368 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:43

I was thinking it would be Morris Norris

jonn090 | 13

#2981389 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:47

hi I'm Morris. I am your father

freshV43 | 0

#2981459 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:03

I have AIDS

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981475 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:08

AIDS has chuck Morris.

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2981673 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:56

Make her pay for a new one. She should've checked with you beforehand, by sending you a text or calling you.

chocolatechocha | 8

#2981678 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:57

lisa turtle. Kelly kapowski. Jesse spano. screech. and slater do. (showin my age here)

tori42995 | 0

#2981839 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:50

why not just take the car? instead of the sound system

neseseal | 0

#2981868 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:56

well that sucks

fistnazal | 10

#2981957 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:16

lmao 85. wow. I'm really mad I didnt think of that. that was great. thank you.. lol smh

guckylynn | 19

#2982000 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:28

Plenty of people do.

littlemissFYL | 5

#2982211 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:11

*85, I was thinking of saved by the bell, too! gotta love zac

canucks92 | 0

#2982283 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:35

my teachers name was Morris lol

Bekll | 30

#2982910 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:25

I have a cousin named Morris...

ChucktheNorris | 0

#2983456 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:32

38---I HAVE NO DISTANT COUSIN

My_Name_Is_ | 5

#2983723 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 5:42

hope you have learned something. never let your mom keep your keys, they will believe anything, even something horribly made as morris.

By xleanne_aLly | 23

#2980992 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

make your mom pay for it

goshpeople | 4

#2981167 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:17

Good idea. Although, it is funny that "Morris" only half-lied. He really did get something out of your car.

KaptainKronicX | 5

#2981414 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:54

OP should look on the bright side... he still has a car.

Ellifish | 2

#2982315 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:41

Or steal your mom's.....

leader0011 | 5

#2983537 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:51

agreed. his mom is an idiot for not asking first so it's the least she could do

By bellakaykid | 6

#2980993 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

Isn't Morris a pretty primitive name these days?

Lauren10102 | 3

#2981047 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:02

my middle name is Morris

thewife5 | 19

#2981207 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:21

would you really? Sounds like that's what you need.

bellakaykid | 6

#2981286 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:33

^ What?

By Lauren10102 | 3

#2980995 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

Do you have a friend named Morris, that is the question at hand...

thewife5 | 19

#2981044 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:02

umm.. he said he did not, therefore it is not the question at hand..

Molord1 | 0

#2981694 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:03

ya 4, you're dumb as clarke

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2981768 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:31

Haha the dumbest ass. #4 follow instructions on my pic.

Miss_Michaela | 10

#2982568 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 0:26

The question at hand is why would you ask that question at all.

By 95Sins | 7

#2981000 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

blame your mother and make her pay

By ILoveDaWorld | 5

#2981001 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

that sucks

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2981506 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:15

your mom

BeastMode5 | 0

#2982044 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:40

Put a shirt back on your stick figure, it's not that sexy!

But yes I do agree, it does suck...

By icefshng8 | 9

#2981003 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

lucky he didn't take the car!

By BighornB | 0

#2981006 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

idiot mom alert!

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2981011 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

At least you still have your car? Unless your car is a shitbox not worth stealing that you put a $7343 sound system into...

sxe_beast | 11

#2981150 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:15

Who would put an expensive/nice sound system into a shitty car?!

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2981240 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:26

because people in the ghetto tend to take beat-up, rusting-through 1988 Buick Le Sabres and install 4 amps and 6 12" subs in the trunk and 24" fake chrome spinners from Wal*Mart on their rims.