Transportation: Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's...

By ceetee - Australia

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

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42444

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Transportation

You tried

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

By duCOQUELICOT - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being told two weeks ago that my contract would be renewed, my boss managed to tell me that actually he had other applicants for the job. I will be let go, but he offered me two months extra so I could finish the projects he had me working on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11753

You deserved it

730

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53461

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7924

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By explanations - United States - Des Plaines

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80510

You deserved it

7920

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By omgn00blolz89 - United States

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88323

You deserved it

3728

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32805

You deserved it

3038

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45411

You deserved it

4591

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By TiredHomeowner

Today, I realised just how skewed my reality is when I was pleasantly surprised that teenagers threw eggs at my windows. They usually throw rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3262

You deserved it

202

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By bewitched and bothered - United States

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36414

You deserved it

2595

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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37051

You deserved it

30979

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By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37708

You deserved it

8629

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By DC - United States

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69595

You deserved it

8591

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By Anonymous

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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6971

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15445

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on a vacation, I tried to step out of myself and flirt with this boy who I thought was cute. He was going along with it and nodding so I thought it was working. Then he opened his mouth and I realized he didn't speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29144

You deserved it

6632

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By peopleinthepark - United States

Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47869

You deserved it

13409

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By Anonymous - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12399

You deserved it

31138

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By pasha - Canada - Beamsville

Today, my overly-clean mum decided to drop by and surprise me by cleaning my house while I was out jogging. She used half a bottle of bleach, and now it hurts to blink, let alone breathe. FML

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30075

You deserved it

2836

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By part time all the time - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I found out that my creepy neighbor paid a guy to install a camera in my bathroom. It's been there for three months. The guy he paid? My brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58253

You deserved it

3396

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my date kissed me after our second date. The way he leaned towards my mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall, so I stretched myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I ended up belching into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35814

You deserved it

10096

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By Whoops - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34630

You deserved it

4514

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55385

You deserved it

4043

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By sierraisfucked - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49381

You deserved it

4176

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By Matt L.

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1674

You deserved it

123

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By BrokebyKids - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31229

You deserved it

16328

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By nikki - United States

Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26918

You deserved it

11082

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By Anonymous - Malaysia

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32046

You deserved it

3113

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By Anonymous - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31054

You deserved it

5110

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33776

You deserved it

5075

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By unknown - United States

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45343

You deserved it

8765

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By Anonymous - United States - Medina

Today, the toilet in the IT department basement broke and flooded the room with a foot of water. In the process, it destroyed a $7000 server and an equally expensive power supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4192

You deserved it

336

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By Megara - United States

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36125

You deserved it

13134

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By MisterBrown - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25680

You deserved it

3337

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By Chuffy - United States - Fort Collins

Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML

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25164

You deserved it

2285

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By crap - United States - Mansfield

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

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47949

You deserved it

4405

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By Anonymous - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28764

You deserved it

58519

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By Anonymous - United States - Auburn

Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31153

You deserved it

3462

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By Anonymous

Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2414

You deserved it

5829

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Welcome to hell

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

890

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By Cheating - United States

Today, I was looking through my boyfriend's Facebook photos, when I saw a recent comment by one of his friends asking how his night out with "Danielle" went. He replied: "Dude, keep that shit on the down-low." We've been dating for over a year. FML

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35774

You deserved it

3160

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By Guess - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend of nine months that depression runs in my family and I think the reason I've been flipping shit so much lately may be that I am depressed. Not five minutes later he decided a break would be "the best thing for us right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30264

You deserved it

9009

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By makeupsex - Canada

Toxic

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he put me through so much heartache last year was because the make-up sex was awesome. FML

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34116

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Top comments

By kirbinator | 0

#2980958 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:56

who has a friend named morris?

By xleanne_aLly | 23

#2980992 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

make your mom pay for it

COMMENTS

By kirbinator | 0

#2980958 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:56

who has a friend named morris?

chaps93 | 6

#2981008 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

my name is Morris. do you have a problem with that??

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2981017 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

all my friends... my name is morris....

Ellifish | 2

#2981021 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:00

Do you have any friends?

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2981086 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:06

yes, and probably more than you.. well I guess 0 isn't a hard number to beat...

MrFlintstone | 5

#2981089 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:06

hey your an imposter

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981155 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:15

your mother is missing a few brains cells, possibly a tad too many

futtbuck101 | 1

#2981233 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:25

It's chuck Norris's distant cousin.

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#2981265 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:29

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981271 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:30

don't mess with chuck morris.

iLikeWaffles155 | 5

#2981368 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:43

I was thinking it would be Morris Norris

jonn090 | 13

#2981389 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:47

hi I'm Morris. I am your father

freshV43 | 0

#2981459 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:03

I have AIDS

dolphincheddar | 10

#2981475 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:08

AIDS has chuck Morris.

Trololololololo_fml | 7

#2981673 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:56

Make her pay for a new one. She should've checked with you beforehand, by sending you a text or calling you.

chocolatechocha | 8

#2981678 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:57

lisa turtle. Kelly kapowski. Jesse spano. screech. and slater do. (showin my age here)

tori42995 | 0

#2981839 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:50

why not just take the car? instead of the sound system

neseseal | 0

#2981868 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:56

well that sucks

fistnazal | 10

#2981957 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:16

lmao 85. wow. I'm really mad I didnt think of that. that was great. thank you.. lol smh

guckylynn | 19

#2982000 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:28

Plenty of people do.

littlemissFYL | 5

#2982211 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:11

*85, I was thinking of saved by the bell, too! gotta love zac

canucks92 | 0

#2982283 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:35

my teachers name was Morris lol

Bekll | 30

#2982910 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:25

I have a cousin named Morris...

ChucktheNorris | 0

#2983456 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:32

38---I HAVE NO DISTANT COUSIN

My_Name_Is_ | 5

#2983723 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 5:42

hope you have learned something. never let your mom keep your keys, they will believe anything, even something horribly made as morris.

By xleanne_aLly | 23

#2980992 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

make your mom pay for it

goshpeople | 4

#2981167 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:17

Good idea. Although, it is funny that "Morris" only half-lied. He really did get something out of your car.

KaptainKronicX | 5

#2981414 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:54

OP should look on the bright side... he still has a car.

Ellifish | 2

#2982315 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 23:41

Or steal your mom's.....

leader0011 | 5

#2983537 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 4:51

agreed. his mom is an idiot for not asking first so it's the least she could do

By bellakaykid | 6

#2980993 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

Isn't Morris a pretty primitive name these days?

Lauren10102 | 3

#2981047 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:02

my middle name is Morris

thewife5 | 19

#2981207 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:21

would you really? Sounds like that's what you need.

bellakaykid | 6

#2981286 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:33

^ What?

By Lauren10102 | 3

#2980995 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:58

Do you have a friend named Morris, that is the question at hand...

thewife5 | 19

#2981044 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:02

umm.. he said he did not, therefore it is not the question at hand..

Molord1 | 0

#2981694 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:03

ya 4, you're dumb as clarke

KiddNYC1O | 20

#2981768 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 21:31

Haha the dumbest ass. #4 follow instructions on my pic.

Miss_Michaela | 10

#2982568 - Wednesday 27 July 2011 0:26

The question at hand is why would you ask that question at all.

By 95Sins | 7

#2981000 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

blame your mother and make her pay

By ILoveDaWorld | 5

#2981001 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

that sucks

Madiluvsyuh98 | 2

#2981506 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:15

your mom

BeastMode5 | 0

#2982044 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 22:40

Put a shirt back on your stick figure, it's not that sexy!

But yes I do agree, it does suck...

By icefshng8 | 9

#2981003 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

lucky he didn't take the car!

By BighornB | 0

#2981006 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

idiot mom alert!

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2981011 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:59

At least you still have your car? Unless your car is a shitbox not worth stealing that you put a $7343 sound system into...

sxe_beast | 11

#2981150 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:15

Who would put an expensive/nice sound system into a shitty car?!

allmidnighteyes | 10

#2981240 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:26

because people in the ghetto tend to take beat-up, rusting-through 1988 Buick Le Sabres and install 4 amps and 6 12" subs in the trunk and 24" fake chrome spinners from Wal*Mart on their rims.