Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
John Coltrane
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
Timing
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
Over and out
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Top comments
Shemp_5 14
Dont ask, dont tell...
ScottVining 21
You sorta had that comin haha
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Comments (102)
kinky44 28
Seriously sloppy sevenths?
foxwasalamb 24
with a username like "kinky" you don't have room to judge mister
dgameseeker 12
According to the FML the wife isn't sloppy by the seventh one. On a more serious note, why is it so bad that she has been with 6 men before him? It could have been much worse, she could have slept around and lost count, 6 is a very reasonable number before she found the right one.
kinky44 28
Less of a username, more of my actual last name.
WCARlover 35
Well did you expect shed never been with anyone before you? The number could have been a lot higher though so you shouldn't feel too bad.
Mr_Duckingbergh 13
It seems like these past two fmls we have had generally the same thoughts on the matters at hand.
WCARlover 35
@15 haha I swear I don't read the comments first, I just post..but yes we had weirdly similar responses to both
Mr_Duckingbergh 13
#16 Never thought of it that way. But hey it makes more sense now that I think of it.
Mr_Duckingbergh 13
#20 Well you know what they say "Great minds think alike" -They
Cheezits4dayz 14
Practicing*
WCARlover 35
There are people who have different spellings than us you know. You just look kind of like an ass making that comment ^
rocketiquette 20
I don't understand why people give a shit about past sexual encounters/why they flip their shit if you won't tell... Or if you tell and they flip their shit over the number. Insecure much?
annarcheer 19
I'd want to know because I mean it kind of feels like you're being with all the people he's been with and like what if he liked them better then you. I mean I wouldn't say its insecurity I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. and people ask because what if that person had aids or something. I would def ask to make sure I wasn't getting anything. but I'm not gonna love the person less or think of then differently. it is just a good thing to know.
rocketiquette 20
54- You can ask if someone is safe/clean without bringing up a number, which usually results in a fight or some sort of mean, passive aggressive remark. And no I don't have sex with my guy and go "holy shit, I'm having sex with all these ghosts of bitches past!" I mean, if that's how you feel, to each their own I guess. But IMO- it's the past, I'm not gonna judge and I honestly don't care as long as they practiced safe sex, and I'm safe to have sex with them, then that's all that really matters. Besides, hellloooooo experience! ;) And if he liked any of those people better than you, he'd still be with them and not you. Take a hint from Elsa and let it go.
rawr1308 14
@54 You can get aids from sleeping with just one person. If you wanted to make sure the person is STI free then you should ask when was the last time they were tested, not how many people they have slept with.
annarcheer 19
awwww my niece loves that movie. ;)
SmokeyBear420 19
Spoken like a true sloo
Fou_Lou 20
I have no idea either. It seems like an insecurity thing because some of the past people can be better. And/Or a purity thing. That Romatic thought of having a pure partner. I personally are very open about that topic and actually want to know information about my Partners las sexual contacts. On one hand because i actually like to compare myself to the other past ones and if someone was better than me i can inprove on that. On the other you can trashtalk about bad past partners which is quite fun and you learn a lot about things your partner doesn like in bet. In my experience the intimiacy of those Topics kinda get you both together and streghtens the bond.
neoamaru_fml 8
Kinky ;) haha
Astrum14 24
Oh, boy. If you think this guy's wife having prior sexual experience is kinky, just wait until you find out about light bondage.
bombielol 20
shouldn't ask what you Dont wanna know :p
Ziggy122 15
You mean, she may have been involved with other men before marrying you? Gasp! Shocker!
jeanyrios 10
automatic limp... you asked... your mistake.
DylanHasClass 17
Worst thing for a guy have to hear
kurodansei 16
I have some contenders. We need to talk. I missed my period, I'm pregnant, You drank the last one last night, we can still be friends, Your brothers/fathers/best friends is bigger, It doesn't count you weren't here..... you know what? I'll finish this later. Got a well practiced Bj waiting for me. Brb.
siggy_mcsigx 22
Guys want a girl who's good at anything and everything sexual but want them to be squeaky clean at the same time. Quite honestly wondering, is it a "claiming" thing at its most primal/basic? Is it worrying that she has already had better than you? Is it wanting to feel special?
CaroAurelia 12
Eh... As a girl, I don't necessarily care if I'm the first my future husband ever does anything with... But I'm not sure I'd want to hear about the others. I have a VERY active imagination. Maybe OP does, too.
juturnaamo 29
I've been asked that awkward question before. Your wife is awesome.