By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 036
You deserved it 59 022

Same thing different taste

Top comments

I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.

You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".


I wouldn't be able to stop laughing either. In fact, I haven't.

Gingerette 8

Yeah. I seriously doubt any amount of love could keep someone from laughing at that line. I doubt it stopped the progression of things between OP and his woman, though, too.

I should hope they still kept going! Laughter is the language of love! I've had times where my boyfriend and I broke down into laughter over something during sexy time. It's something normal and fun. :)

tjv3 10

I'm hoing to use this line just to see reactions. thanks, OP

"I will go up and down on you. I will rub my naked body against your naked body until it's raw and red"

You need to polish up on your "dirty talk".

Come on, give OP some suggestions on what to say.

Pwn17 25

"My dick is the truth. You can't handle it."

"Bend over and touch your toes, I'm gonna show you where the wild goose goes."

"I will gouge out your eyes and skull-**** you!"

"I will carress you relatively softly!" Or is that going too far already? Don't wanna come off as a roughnut.

RedPillSucks 31

Bend over and I'll drive you home.

\ 28
suboy 10

Theres a fine line between dirty talk and **** talk

OP needs to learn to walk before he can run. Start with the basics. "I'm gonna shag you silly, baby" and so forth.

"Everything I'm about to do to you, I learned at SeaWorld."

"I'm gonna fart on your face! and shit on these walls!! and pee in your mouth!!" - Brandon. err Brenda

So, how many of you are quoting Super Troopers?

"I'll dance on your boobies and jump up and down on your butt!"

You are what you eat, and tomorrow I want to be you.

8313girl 28

My dick is the truth?! That beats OP's husband's saying hands down lmao

hannahsnyder69 16

"I want to pound you like yesterday's beef" -Eleanor, The Mighty Boosh

I think most of us are laughing right now. But good on you for trying something a little different! Just maybe not that.

OP, stick to BEING dirty in the sheets. Maybe you guys should try kinky fuckery of some sort? Handcuffs and eye masks go great together. Just sayin'!

flashback.miss 28

pffft! oh come on, sooner or later, you'll have to laugh at this XD to her, it probably just seemed like an odd thing to say in that sort of situation.

usernaaame 4
MzZombicidal 36

I may be wrong, but I think they were asking what "dick her down good" meant.

Jesus OP you can't just say something like that You're supposed to dick her up...

You've gotta give her the ol' lickeroo first.

RedPillSucks 31

Is that a Kangaroo from Lizard Lick NC??

Lmaoo, ydi for thinking that was sexy. C for effort, F for assignment failed.

I'm guessing this is your first time dirty talking.

What's next? Him bringing a saxophone in bed to swoon her?

The_Tenth_Doctor 14

I wouldn't even know how to respond to that.

I don't know how to respond to most dirty talk :/

GwennaRose 22

FML should post a feature about dirty talk and teach us how to respond...

Sometimes spontaneity is fun, but maybe next time you should plan ahead and write some down first.

He'll have to write out a whole script next time to avoid this kind of spontaneity.