Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
youdontsay 0
#6 is an idiot not a genius for that comment. Be happy ur parents made a mistake n let u in this world. Btw, change that pic u look like a total pervert
PennyForAThought 0
I agree with #19 - Never let your daughter forget it! lol. Just, dude, I feel for you some much right now. That's disgusting, but I guess she didn't know what she was doing.. x
mobius8 0
You're the one starting this argument trying to say there's not enough information for one actually, rather than giving an actual reason why there isn't enough information to support my point. Not really a "debate" either, seeing as your side is just general whining and doesn't really have a point. What do you think there's not enough information to get? You really don't need to know anything more to know that in the time she was playing alone in the kitchen doing that, she could have done any of the things I mentioned. Let's just hope you never have kids if you're too retarded to see that as being obvious.
littlemisslee 0
Thank you for this glimpse into my not-too-far future!
phase2style 0
stick your finger in the hole, now you have a tootsie roll!
absurdliaisons 0
Mobius: Really. Okay. First off, all the FML says is "playing in the kitchen"; it doesn't say "playing ALONE in the kitchen" it doesn't mention that the mother wasn't, perhaps, on the other side of an island. I know I have a huge island in my kitchen and can't imagine being able to see everything that my nieces are doing. You don't know how far she was going when she says "I went to go have a look"; it doesn't say "I went to go have a look at the kitchen." Just that she went to go have a look, this could be five steps or twenty. It's like tunnel vision. You took what you wanted and used it to twist this into something negative. And I was trying not to argue since it's completely asinine since NEITHER OF US can possibly know what REALLY happened. If you can't even READ BETWEEN THE LINES to see that there could be two sides to this, maybe you're the one who's retarded.
lolwhat_fml 0
LOL # 77
KAMELOT_fml 0
YUCK! I'd need a therapy.
mobius8 0
I'm pretty sure "my daughter was playing in the kitchen and I went to have a look" makes it pretty obvious to anyone who hasn't recently suffered severe head trauma that she wasn't in the kitchen. Sorry but making stuff up to suit your point(if you could really call it a point. I wouldn't tbh) isn't the same as "reading between the lines". Like I said. Don't have kids. If you have such severe reading comprehension issues and think it's OK to leave a two year old alone in the kitchen yours are really genes that would be best kept out of the pool thanks.
patray_angel 0
Wow, some of you guys are idiots. Have any of you heard of child proofing your house? I am sure the OP probably had child proof latches on stuff, at least I would hope so. To the OP, I do wonder what it was you ended up eating. If it was poop, I would think you would mention it since it would definitely add to this being an FML moment.