Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
alkyoo 0
Eww,thats gross. :(
BrutalDave 0
"...and then she promptly screamed in a post-pubescent hoarse male voice, 'EAT SHIT, BITCH.'"
xox_what_now 0
I babysit kids and after they poop I have to wipe their bare asses
alissa_roar 6
Uhm, get a different job. You obviously suck at it with that attitude.
Iwuvsu0_o 0
Wait wht was it?
Googlemypants 0
damn that is nasty ! D: please.be.dirt.please.be.dirt.please.be.dirt DDX eww
darkmis1 18
6 and 32 are asswipes! It's not like the OP asked for their kid to do that.
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
That must have sucked. I'm sorry you had to literally eat shit. x.o
Button_x 0
I hate kids. Seriously. They're dirty and do stuff like this. Pleh. FYL, that sucks soooo much.
lorenzopcordova 0
Ewwwww. I liked the way you set it up, though!
AdamGD 0
#6: wth is your problem? On every fml about kids you say they deserve it just for having kids. I think you have a phycological problem. Did you get beat up by a girl scout or something?? Stfu because kids are awesome even if they do this kind of stuff.