Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
FoundManyLemons 0
Metaphors + 2-year-olds = bad times
mobius8 0
59 - It's not much of a conclusion. Kid was alone in the kitchen long enough to do that. Kid could have done all those things in that time. At two, that's just bad parenting. And how do you know I haven't been 60?
absurdliaisons 0
Mobius: Conclusion, noun, The last main division of a discourse, usually containing a summing up of the points and a statement of opinion or decisions reached. Damn. You're right. You weren't taking facts and summing up the points... oh wait.
lisafannypack 0
#6: well in that case, if your mom took your advice and didn't have kids, you wouldn't be here today...
JiggstheMan 0
I just gagged. Wow thats gross.
Mc09toofine 0
well.. .did u notice any weird smells??? like, wouldn't u detect it's poo as soon as you walk in the open area it's in?? oh and if you eat feces usually, you get diarrhea and a whole bunch of nasty side effects
Mc09toofine 0
well.. .did u notice any weird smells??? like, wouldn't u detect it's poo as soon as you walk in the open area it's in?? oh and if you eat feces usually, you get diarrhea and a whole bunch of nasty side effects
mobius8 0
A jumped to conclusion then, 65, assumption, whatever. I thought that was pretty obvious given what it was a response too. Nice that that's the only thing you can disagree with. I'll assume you know I'm right and are too cut to just admit it, so decided to make an irrelevant point about the wrong use of a word.
mijzelffan 0
haha, was it warm? xD
absurdliaisons 0
Mobius: I'm avoiding your so-called "point" altogether, honestly. This will be the second time I've said that I'd like to leave that alone. Is this how you approach debates? With as little information as possible? Or did I miss it and you're really Uri Geller and you know EXACTLY what happened in that house?