Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
bbq45 0
ydi for letting some dog shit on the lawn and kids bringing that crap into your house. and fyl for not knowing your kids were 'cooking' it and shuved their lil fingers in ur mouth with it covered in feces... >_< both mostly fyl though! ;)
crazieeli 0
EWWW poop? ughhh disgusting! :(
FrostedDream 0
Oh god. That's horrible.
24788 7
Where are kids learning such odd things?
Yumiko_fml 0
lol. Hey, she said it wasn't chocolate, but she never said it didn't taste good! :D
lovely997 0
gross but funny =] at least it was your own kid rather than your friends kid or something that would be dirtier, haha
XXMeowmeowmeowXX 0
(Please be mud...just please, for the love of all that is sane, please be mud...)
ohhboyy 0
Today, I have no life, so I fight with random people on the internet to pass the time. FML" = about 50% of what FML comments have become. Repost if you agree so we can ENJOY this site again!
alayna100 0
Today, I have no life, so I fight with random people on the internet to pass the time. FML" = about 50% of what FML comments have become. Repost if you agree so we can ENJOY this site again! you are awesome #112 i completely agree
Lythiaren 8
Y'know, Mobius... Not everyone is Parent of the Year material. Things happen, and if you're as well versed in parenting as you're implying, you would know this. There *are* a lot of details left out in the post. She doesn't specifically say that she was in the kitchen, but she doesn't specify that she was out of the room either. It could well be that the child's playpen happens to be in a corner of the kitchen, with a kitchen-type playset contained therein. Makes sense to have a playpen there too, you don't want your child too far away for the extended period spent fixing dinner. Could be that OP was just finishing the dishes or something at the other side of the room, then saw her daughter pretend-cooking and the FML begins. We don't know if the child was loose in the kitchen.