Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
ohhboyy 0
#6 i think you should lay low for a while
absurdliaisons 0
Fettucini: Uhh, I love how you turn this in to a "zomg, she must be a bad mother because she let her child play in the kitchen!" Children get in to EVERYthing. It doesn't matter if it's the frickin' crib that they SLEEP in. No one said it was "okay", we just didn't jump to the conclusion that she had been "left unsupervised" in the kitchen. OP: I love your kid. And I'm totally taking the high road and hoping that it was a mudpie. It's like Drop Dead Fred ALL over again. Awesome! :D
RobotStrut 7
Dear God, that sucks!
diet_otaku 0
the entire kids section of this place is the reason i am never having children. fyl
mobius8 0
54 - She said she knew she was playing in the kitchen... Kids might get into everything, but you notice if they're not in the same room as you when they're 2. If she'd been alone in their long enough to poop in a bowl or whatever, pretty sure she had more than enough time to get into the knife drawer, turn on the oven, climb in the fridge or freezer or start a fire by microwaving stupid crap. If you can't be a responsible enough parent to make sure your two year old isn't alone in a room with things like that I'm pretty sure a bit of poop is the least you deserve.
JFox 8
@43 I lol'd
absurdliaisons 0
Mobius: Good going on jumping to conclusions. I'm leaving that one alone. You can't seem to take the FML for what it was, since we obviously don't have enough information on what exactly was going on. That was all I was trying to say with my previous comment.
crykrislynn_ 0
U can't call someone a bad parent unless u have been there and got the tshirt!
Knut_fml 0
Is her arm long enough to reach her ass at all ?
HteaXtrainC 0
lol. She gave you the touch of gold.