Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
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Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
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Comments (173)
a2495 0
See how far you can kick it.
chuckrules1000 0
never let her into food service...
rallets 23
then what was it?
grodriguez5502 0
Wouldn't you be able to smell it before you put it in your mouthh? definant fml
pikL3bOi 0
How the **** could it b a YDI? Wow have u eve tasted shit? Didn't thnkso sowhen sum1does it byaccident dnt tell thm tht deserve it!!!!!! Wow FYL
rachybubbles 0
Damnit #65 I just finished this horrendous Communication and Discourse course at Uni, never want to hear the word again, so I come on FML for some light humor and you say the D-word!! Noooooo!! Please don't say it again!! Hehe.
life_sux1234 0
ewwwwwww gross.
jillz 0
I'm getting the sense that she had a bit of time in that kitchen. Be glad she wasn't playing with a kitchen knife or some cleaning chemicals. "Look mommy, juice!" ..unless she was penned up like some poor puppy...
Exchange 0
eww. thats gross
thuryn 2
Mobius: No, the fridge and the freezer and the oven aren't where she can get into them. I simply didn't see the point in belaboring EVERY... SINGLE... THING... that you mentioned. It's rather boring and tiresome. In fact, it made me yawn just now. I think you're intentionally dilating the likely timeline of this scenario and clinging desperately to your interpretation of events... mainly so you can appear to be right, at which point it STILL doesn't matter because every parent, sooner or later, leaves their kids for two minutes so he or she can take a crap in peace. (Again, that's granting your version of the timeline simply for sake of argument.) So, basically, you're accusing the OP of being a normal person. Whoop-dee-do. Anything else? Oh, and I might add that none of the above qualifies as "neglect." You're the king of hyperbole and overstatement. What else would you like to blow completely out of proportion for us today?