Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was, "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML
Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
soccerkrzy 0
Please be dirt....and not poo...
dmmd8686 0
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit...anyone who says YDI is foolish
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (173)
UseTheFrags 0
You deserved it. Poo licker.
dinosaursmoo 0
Stfu #32, how could he deserve his DAUGHTER sticking poop in his mouth? It's not like he was all good with it. If he were, then he most likely wouldn't have posted it on FML.
UseTheFrags 0
#33 licks poo too.
dinosaursmoo 0
#34 jizzes in his pants when he licks poo.
Weil 0
>It wasn't chocolate. Win.
UseTheFrags 0
#35 licks poo.
mobius8 0
YDI imo, for leaving your 2 year old alone in the kitchen that long. I mean, they probably shouldn't be unsupervised anywhere that long at that age, but you left them alone in a room with a stove, microwave, and sharp knives. Yeah, YDI
jessicabruce 0
ew, nasty. that sucks.
genius_man16 1
#25 it seems you're stooping to my level, so I guess we'll just have to be pals. PS- trolling is fun ^_^
Shlizabeth 0
Look, baby! You're adopted!!!! Come with me to meet your REAL parents!!!! That's disgusting. FYL to the max.